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Sister pregnant - due same week as I would if been if not for silent miscarriage

(5 Posts)
MrsGAT Wed 26-Jun-13 13:54:43

I suffered a silent miscarriage (blighted ovum) with my first pregnancy back in March. I recently found out my sister is pregnant with her third in the same week as my due date would have been. I'm just finding it really hard to deal with it and although I've spoken to her on the phone, I don't know what to do about seeing her as I know seeing her pregnant in front me is going to be difficult. I've been avoiding family get-togethers as I really can't face it but on the other hand, I know I can't avoid her forever, especially when the baby arrives in September. Was thinking maybe the best thing to do is to meet up on our own (tricky as she lives miles away and has 2 little ones already) but thought it might be better than at some big family thing. Just wondered if anyone had experience of anything similar and how they coped? x

HormonalHousewife Wed 26-Jun-13 14:06:57

Does your sister know how you feel ?

I feel for you as I have had something similar and being really really honest I cannot really say I have been able to bond with my nephew. He's 18 now grin

I remember avoiding them whilst she was pregnant. I couldnt cope with their plans. Its hard.

I think when he arrived I was in a better place to cope. SIL knows nothing about this.

I have never said anything in real life, well I discussed it with DH but that was many years ago and he will be oblivious. Its my SIL not my sister so I suppose that makes a difference.

pizzaqueen Wed 26-Jun-13 14:08:56

I really feel for you OP, that must be so hard, you will be happy to have a new neice/nephew in the family but it will be overshadowed by your own loss.

I am still going through the end of a mc at the moment and u don't mind seeing pregnant friends and newborns at the moment but I know I will really struggle as it gets closer to my due date. Two good friends are due to weeks before I would have been and I have a feeling my SIL might be pregnant with the 3rd but waiting for our mc to be over before she announces.

I think it might be better to meet with your sister and try to talk things through, let her know you're pleased for her hut also still hurting from your own loss. Hopefully she should understand.

It is such a terrible thing.

Bakingtins Wed 26-Jun-13 14:47:36

I'm sorry for your loss MrsGat. My SIL is due with her third at Christmas within a week of when I would have been due had I not lost 3rd baby in a row. At the moment she doesn't know as DH has chosen in his wisdom not to tell his side of the family.
I think if you haven't already told your sister about your loss that would be a good idea and then hopefully she'll be sympathetic to your very mixed feelings about the new baby.
You may well find it easier when the baby arrives as then they will be a little person in their own right and your niece or nephew rather than a bump - I've always found what I wanted was to be pregnant, it was easier to deal with a child that was very definitely not mine, IYSWIM?

MrsGAT Thu 27-Jun-13 13:26:15

Thank you so much all of you for your kind words. My sister knew about my mc just after it happened (we decided to tell family and very close friends) but kept her pregnancy from me until very recently, and then got my Mum to tell me, instead of doing it herself - which, although I could understand her reasoning, hurt me alot. Then she never called me so I made the effort of contacting her and we did talk everything through and she just said she couldn't face telling me after what we'd been through etc. I said I just wish she's been able to tell me because although it's tough, it's just one of those hideous timing things in life, and not something that she should feel guilty about.
I think you're right though Bakingtins, the baby itself somehow feels easier to deal with, as I'm thinking about it, than seeing her with the bump.
So I think at least I've spoken to her and if it means avoiding a few family things for the summer - I can't say I'll be exactly gutted!!!
Thanks again for your thoughts.
Onwards and upwards with ttc!

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