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Missed miscarriage. Need some help/ advice.

(13 Posts)
WibWoo Mon 17-Jun-13 13:39:58

I am so grateful for your responses. It actually made me cry as its been so hard for me to discuss any real details of this in real life. A very lonely confusing time. It makes it painfully real writing it down but is also a huge relief.

I think I felt guilty (or weirdly disloyal to the baby i just lost) even thinking about trying and that feeling has gone after knowing others have felt the same. I also feel more optimistic about having a successful pregnancy after hearing some positive outcomes.

I spoke with the obs today. He said they are testing placental tissue for partial molar and will have results soon (thanks for the info on this. he obv wondered the same thing and it meant I could discuss it intelligently and ask what I needed to know).

On balance I think ill wait at least a month as I'm not sure I could deal with the uncertainty of dating (eg if there is no heartbeat when I think it's past 6wks etc). I'm also much less certain that I'm ovulating anyway. The obs thought it very unlikely given my hcg levels but said you never know.

Anyway, I mainly wanted to say that I am so grateful for other women and they way they support and share with one another. The few minutes you took out of your day to write to me has made me so much less alone during such a sad period of my life. I hope I can do the same for someone else in the future when I have healed a bit more myself.

Bakingtins Sun 16-Jun-13 21:54:13

I know of many people who have conceived straight away and it's been ok, but also have had a lot of people say first period was heavier, clotty etc and thst's been the case for me. We have tended to go for not trying, not preventing until I've had a period. I think I probably haven't ovulated that cycle anyway, it's usually taken at least 3 weeks to get a negative HPT.
If your HCG levels were v high I think it is wise to make sure they are monitored to make sure they do fall as expected and for that reason I'd wait for a period. hopefully you'll then be able to replicate previous success in TTC and get a sticky bean.

MrsJohnDeere Sun 16-Jun-13 21:47:38

Sorry you find yourself here.

Fwiw, when I had my MMC (back in Oct) I was told to until 6 weeks. The consultant who did my ERPC (a very well respected gynaecologist) said that straight after a MC I would be very fertile and if I did conceive it was more likely than not that I would miscarry again. My age may be a factor I that though (41).

squizita Sun 16-Jun-13 19:57:55

...also, interestingly a lot of experts put your chance of success higher shortly after a MC or birth. But that's 1-3 months shortly after.

squizita Sun 16-Jun-13 19:55:21

Missmedusa - several doctors (strong, gynie specialists) have mentioned dating as a reason. Although they also mentioned mineral levels etc' - the uterus recovers but general health can be a concern.

MissMedusa Sun 16-Jun-13 19:48:03

I've never heard the "dating dilemma" given as a reason not to TTC immediately after a MC anywhere outside of chat forums and it makes no sense to me as you'll get your date anyway at your first scan. Being unsure of your dates prior to your first scan hardly seems like a reason not to TTC and I doubt any decent doctor would suggest that. My doctor suggested waiting one cycle and explained it had to do with the lining getting back to normal.
I've done some fairly extensive research on this and it's pretty inconclusive but there does appear to be a higher chance of MC if you conceive immediately after a MC. Whether that increased risk is high enough to justify waiting a cycle to TTC is up to the individual. I'm on my 2nd MC now (not conceived during consecutive cycles) and I know that with the first one I really wasn't ready to try again right away. I also know that my first period after the MC was horrible and clotty and nothing like any period I had had before.

This time I think I'm ready to TTC again right away with the knowledge that it might end in another MC but I know it might end that way anyway, regardless of how long we wait.

katatonic Sun 16-Jun-13 19:11:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nectarini1983 Sun 16-Jun-13 17:34:05

Sorry for what youve been thru. Id say have a period just so if you do fall again soon youve got a date to go by. And also to let your body catch it's breathe so to speak. I fell pregnant with my daugher the month following an ectopic pregnancy and having a tube removed but it was nice to know the date of my last period before conceieving going forward with that pregnancy for dating etc.

squizita Sun 16-Jun-13 16:36:50

I've already replied on the other thread, but second all that's said here. Though, I would ask for a blood test or simply use a home test to check your hcg is down before TTC - yours was v high so there could be a lag or (tiny under 1%) chance of a partial molar in which case soonest known, soonest sorted out so you can TTC!

Quodlibet Sun 16-Jun-13 15:24:04

I'm sorry about your MMC. I had one in January and conceived again in March.

I think the only 'medical' reason for not TTC in the post-miscarriage cycle is that it makes it difficult to date the pregnancy. Your hormones can take a little while to settle down and it can be unpredictable when your cycle resets and ovulates again. I would say you should go when you feel ready.

My only other advice is to be aware that emotional recovery from MC can take a little while too, and you may feel worse before you feel better. Grief is a funny process and takes it out of you, but it is better to know to expect this than to be frustrated with your inability to move on. Wishing you all the best and hope you conceive again soon.

yawningbear Sun 16-Jun-13 15:12:56

So sorry for your loss, a horrible time. I had a missed miscarriage and had been told to wait to try again until after I had had a period. I didn't wait, well maybe 2-3 weeks. Had a period as normal, not late at all and then DD was conceived the following month. I had been so bereft and was then so worried the same thing would happen again but it didn't and now I often think that if that first pregnancy had worked out DD wouldn't be here and she is wonderful. Just do what feels right for you.

nananaps Sun 16-Jun-13 15:01:00

You sound like you are doing well in your recovery, its terribly hard.

For me, i always started to try again immediately after miscarriages. Sometimes it took 6 months, once it took 2 years. Dont think that there is any reason to not try again soonish.

I suppose that fertility is unpredicatable.

My now 5 month old baby was concieved immediately after a very traumatic miscarriage. smile HUGE and very happy surprise.

If you feel ready, go for it.

WibWoo Sun 16-Jun-13 14:53:57

Hi everyone. This is my first post and I was hoping for some advice. I have been reading this thread since finding out about my missed miscarriage three weeks ago and it has helped enormously. I had an early scan at 8 wks as a 'treat' bc I had been so sick with morning sickness and fainting so my husband and I thought it would give me a boost to see a little heartbeat. Given the HCG levels at a recent blood test (> 150,000) and my sickness I honestly didn't think there could be a problem. Sadly my baby measured a few weeks early and had no hb. I was sure of dates but was in denial given the strength of the preg symptoms so waited almost a week to have another scan which showed no further growth and no heartbeat. I ended up having a D & C.
It has been ten days since the surgery. I feel very very sad in bursts but am back doing everything I was before. Night times are the hardest and I often cry when i go to bed and feel better for it.

That ended up being a long introduction to my actual question, sorry. So I was hoping for some advice on conceiving again. I have had all the signs of ovulation today and this is the normal time for me (about 10 days after period).
I feel really conflicted about whether or not to try again now or wait (or whether its even possible to fall pregnant now?). I conceived the first month of trying with my DS 2.5yrs and again this last pregnancy so don't want to just 'see what happens' if the risks of miscarriage are higher (is it an established fact that the the uterus lining needs more time to reestablish?) or if there are associated health risks eg risk of infection. I can't get in to see my obstetrician until Thursday for a follow up by which time it will be too late this cycle.

My major concern is that my period may be v delayed meaning I don't ovulate for months so I should take this opportunity. The miscarriage has shown us more than ever how much we want another baby. Physically I feel fine now. Bleeding stopped after a week.

I feel like I'm realistic about the emotional roller coaster that I'm likely to experience next pregnancy and feel like a few months won't make much difference for me. Obviously it's very early days and I might be very wrong about that.

I would really appreciate hearing others' experience/ info/ opinions on trying this soon after a miscarriage. Thanks so much for reading if you got this far.

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