Recurrent Miscarriage Testing, trials and tribulations...Part 7!

[squizita]

Hi all, carrying on from part 6. All kinicker-checkers, blood-testers, clinic-attenders and finger-crossers welcome. Nothing but love and crossed fingers...

[Bakingtins]

Thanks Squiz!

[donttrythisathome]

marking place..

[orangebowl]

Hi everyone. Sorry to all those having a rubbish time these last few weeks. X

[Bakingtins]

How is everyone? I went back to work yesterday and should have taken them up on the offer of a short day as I was knackered. Good to have something else to think about though, I don't think moping is helping.
I wanted to run a quick AIBU past you. I have 2 friends I've always confided in about the MCs, both have had 2 themselves. Friend 1 is local and has been great, has looked after DS2 a couple of times, been in contact every couple of days and I've seen her several times. Friend 2 is about half an hour drive away, I normally see her about once a month but talk more often. I emailed her when I had the first dodgy scan and got a reply, then not heard from her since. She was completely devastated by her own MCs which were about 5 yrs ago, she's had 2 children since, and she's normally a bit OTT if anything in terms of gifts, flowers etc. I know she has problems of her own but I'm really hurt that I've not even had a text to say am I ok? WIBU to make no effort to get in touch unless she does?

[PicardyThird]

Hello, everyone.

Sorry you've had such a rough time, donttrythis. Hope camping goes well.

Squiz, fingers still crossed. And thanks for new thread :)

Baking, YANBU to feel hurt, absolutely not. Unfortunately this whole business has caused a rather complicated rift between me and a previously very dear friend - won't go into any details if that's OK - and I do understand the hurt and anger, as I have been dealing with a lot of similar feelings over recent weeks. I think I might update her briefly as to what has happened, though, and judge her by the response (or not) that follows. I really hope she comes through for you.

[PicardyThird]

I meant 'I think if I were you I might update her [your friend]...' Sorry for being confusing!

[squizita]

Baking yeah I would update her. Just in case something happened to her in the meantime causing her not to be herself - if someone had a pregnancy problem, bereavement etc' at that time they might not be able to reply upbeat that day. But if there's no reason that's a bit off really, a bit selfish of her to accept your help but not return it when you need support.

My boobs hurt. Making me paranoid even though my raw readings are going down. Been told there is nothing I can do, just keep sending in blood. Just having nightmares about chemo!

[Bakingtins]

What happened at your last appointment, Squiz? I've lost track a bit of where you are up to.

[xXjunebugXx]

Thanks for the heads up on this thread bakingtins :)

I have started bleeding today, I feel awful and just want to sleep this miscarriage away. I have taken strong co-codamol and am in bed whilst my husband is watching our 3 year old.

My miscarriage was diagnosed on Monday, my hcg count was low and it dropped again two days later but not by much. So I have been waiting for the bleeding since Monday, which has been a long few days. I'm surprised it has taken so long as my hcg was only 129.

But anyway, now waiting for my specialist/consultant appointment now. Hopefully it won't take too long. I have been reading about baby aspirin and so on and am tempted to try this on my own if an appointment doesn't come through in the next 2-3 months.

[Bakingtins]

It's her birthday next week. I'm going to send card and pressie as planned and then see what happens. She has had a v hard time in this last year or so and I've felt like all the effort to keep the friendship going has been on my part for a while, but if I'm not even worth a text message to see if I'm ok and if my baby lived or died then I'm flogging a long dead horse.

[Bakingtins]

Sorry June, Xposted. Hope the physical bit is over quickly for you. I found it was almost a relief after the limbo of knowing it was going wrong but not actually miscarrying.

[xXjunebugXx]

I am definitely finding it a relief, I'm just glad it will be over soon. Limbo isn't a nice place.

[LateBloomer414]

can i join? i just came home from the hospital today - i started bleeding a week ago on Wednesday and, after a visit to the EPU, learned the baby wasn't growing. I was 11+4 at that point but the baby was only 3.3mm and the heartbeat was only 40bpm. I went back to work on Monday but thats when the bleeding really started in earnest. I went back this Wednesday for the scan to confirm that the pregnancy was well and truly over, and it was. We opted for the ERPC under general (my second) and scheduled it for next week. But that night the cramps started - it was unbearable, like nothing I'd ever felt. DH took me to the A&E that night and they gave me some drugs and were able to remove some of the clots and tissue then and there. They admitted me and did another scan the following day to confirm there was remaining tissue; they put me on the list for emergency surgery. I was feeling alright so i didn't mind that i was getting pushed down the queue for more urgent cases. But then the cramps came back on Friday morning and it was even worse. The drugs were not helping - they had me on a paracetamol drip, administered morphine orally and finally gave me something via injection. The contractions were so strong and painful - i was on all fours and making an awful racket with crying and moaning. One of the nurses stayed with me and rubbed my back for what seemed like hours. I kept asking for more drugs and i felt like she was the only real advocate I had (my DH was at work and I couldn't even turn my phone on to ring him). I think she was the one who requested the gas and air for me but it was like watching a bunch of clowns running around in a skit - no one knew how to hook the thing up. In the midst of my tears and contractions and passing the most gruesomely huge clots (sorry, tmi), I asked them to call someone from the labor and delivery ward to come up and figure out how to work the damn thing. Finally they got it set up and they managed to get me down for surgery. Luckily everything went smoothly from then on and my recovery - thus far - has gone smoothly. I'm not in pain anymore and the post-op bleeding has been fairly light thus far. The doctors at the hospital wrote the discharge note to my GP asking for a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic so I'll start that journey on Monday I suppose when I call the GP to make it happen.
I'm sorry to have poured it all out, I hadn't intended to...it was a bit cathartic to be honest. I've read through the thread and really appreciated reading about your experiences, it's really helped me feel less alone. DH has been wonderfully supportive but he's too optimistic if you know what I mean - he keeps saying we'll try again and we can't be sad. He's seen me melt down and knows I'm not quite there yet and I think he's trying to be the brave face for me. (He's also seen me in adult diapers so I think it might be some time till he can get that image out of his head so we can DTD.) I'm 39 and feel the clock ticking fast - we've only been married for just over a year and I'm feeling otherwise helpless in this journey. I hope the clinic will be helpful - it will at least give me some sense of being proactive about it.

[Bakingtins]

hi Bloom. Sorry you've had such a traumatic experience, sounds like you have really been through the mill. Of course you are very welcome in the club nobody wants to join.

To add to what LF said, due to a slight Amazon cock up I will shortly have 2 copies of Coming to Term and happy to pass one on.

[ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts]

waves to LF

Thread 7!! I too was on the original thread and would like to offer my bedtime wishes to you all. i hope your journeys become less painful and you get some answers.

[ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts]

bedtime?? best

[squizita]

Junebug sorry to hear you're MCing. But at least the horrible wait is over. Yes, I am considering baby aspirin, vit B complex, vit D and vit C next time - on the basis they can't harm and might help.

Bloom sounds like you had a really, really tough one. :( I also have an optimistic DH. Although recently I explained to him that his optimism scares me because I feel pressurised that if it doesn't all work out he will freak out. He explained that of course he knows it might not, but the optimistic/practical thing is his way of taking comfort by making me feel better. I wonder if that's a common DH reaction?

Baking I had my 1st appointment at Charing X on Friday. They think I might have a partial molar although pathology had no molar cells, because I had a triplody (69 chromasome embryo) and my HCH is falling very slowly. So maybe there were just a few molar cells, or maybe I just have toboblastic problems anyway and the treatment's the same as Molar. I haven't got the fancy molar HCG count (which can tell all sorts of things more than a raw one) because it takes a working day so I'll get them Monday. However on 'crude' tests, since I had a bleed last week I have fallen 80 in 5 days, which is a good sign. So they are testing me weekly for 6 weeks on bloods. If it plateaus over 2 weeks I may need low-dose chemo, but keeping fingers crossed the tissue I lost last week (which I photoed and they said it didn't look like anything definite - I s'pose a good thing) was propping my HCG up and now it will fall. I'm doing my blood tests at the local hospital but TBH Charing X is close enough that if I get there 1st thing I could return in time for first lessons Wednesday at a pinch. And my paranoid self would know nothing lost in the post!!

[xXjunebugXx]

Can I ask your honest opinion ladies. I am torn. Do I wait for my specialist appointment to come through or do I try again? Part of me is considering just trying right away with no period. My reason for this thought process is, after my mmc we waited one cycle then got pregnant, after the second loss we waited two cycles. So, because we never tried the not waiting before the logic is try it, it might work! Of course it may not, just like the others.
I am going to start taking omega 3 along with my normal Sanatogen prenatals and baby aspirin. Although I am unsure when to take the aspirin. Some doctors say when actually TTC and others say when you have your BFP.

But the other part of me is thinking, no wait. Wait and see if there is a problem and if I go a head with another pregnancy it could put tests behind by a few weeks. I just don't know. My heart wants the pregnancy but my head is torn.

[Daisybell1]

Baking I'm sorry your friend hasn't been more supportive, I hope you get some response from her soon.

Squizita I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

June I'm sorry you find yourself here, I'm afraid I can't advise on whether to wait or not. I started tests back in February, NHS buggered them up so didn't get any results before latest PG. I mc'd in April but consultant said there was nothing in the results they'd had back that could have been treated to prevent mc. I can understand the desperation to be pg again. I was the same after my 2nd. Now I can't even face dtd

Lunatic you have a pm

Hello to everyone else!

[donttrythisathome]

Hello everyone
I'm back from camping. It was great to get away, although not great to be back to reality. I am due back in work tomorrow but want to jack it in and move to the country. I've had three opportnuities of maternity leave robbed from me now and find the thoughts of work stretching ahead without an end in sight hideous. I also felt sad looking at the groups of siblings playing on the campsite while my daughter played alone. Although I know she wouldn't be playing with a baby anyway.

Would it be unreasonable to stay off work more than one week after the erpc and infection. Am really allergic to the thought.

Baking, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Could you just tell her how you feel and see what she says? I'd find that hard I must admit but it does seem the most straightforward option. Have pmed you re book.

Junebug sorry to hear about mc. My consultant said to take the junior aspirin from when I got the BFP. I'm sorry I don't know your story. Is it in the back catalogue? I feel that there so often no reasons are found for mc that there's no point in waiting for results, but by nature I am very impatient. If time is on your side, then maybe it would be sensible to wait,

Latebloomer- your experience sounds very tough.
i'd also find it annoying to be told not to be sad, although optimistic is ok. I stil feel optimistic although I am devastated!

[LateBloomer414]

thanks, one and all, for the replies and the warm welcome to the club no one wants to join (baking that made me giggle). I am feeling ok today - my abdomen is a little tender though I may have overdone it by tidying the house before the onslaught of friends who came round today for an indoor picnic. It was lovely, a good pick-me-up. I feel as though this coming week might see me enter a new chapter of life which does not include maxi-pads, lucky me.

Squiz Your DH and mine should go have a pint - I suppose it is really hard for someone to not only watch their partner go through this physically traumatizing event, but also have to deal with the emotional upheaval as well. I guess someone has to be the strong one? It certainly has not been me over the past week and a half!

So, ladies, the question is: how soon to try again? Similar to Junebug I've been thinking about waiting for the appointment or not? My instinct is to not wait because, well, what's the point of waiting since conceiving seems like a crapshoot anyway. (It took us a few months after the last mc and ERPC to get the BFP). So, I think we'll try to do these things in parallel. it just seems more...efficient. God that sounds horrible in this context, doesn't it?

[Daisybell1]

Latebloomer, I'm so sorry for not saying hello. I'm really sorry for what you're going through, that sounds awful.

Don'ttry - my GP signed me off for a month without even seeing me. So I would say a week is nowhere near long enough.

And can I just say, and I really don't want to upset anyone here, but if I hear "well at least you know you can carry to term (dd is 20 months) I will f*cking punch someone! Her birth is currently outweighed 3 to 1 by mcs so being told "at least you know you can" doesn't help. Particularly being told that by someone who's 6 months pregnant (nor does it help when friend tries to allay my fears of not wanting to replicate my sister and me in my own family by saying "when I found out it was a boy, I panicked about having my brother but then I realised its ok". Well excuse me, but I haven't got near a 20 week scan so that's really not helpful".

Sorry, I think I have anger issues