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Feeling totally crap

(8 Posts)
Tomkat79 Sun 26-May-13 14:12:46

It's 3 weeks since my MC and have felt so much emotionally stronger over the past week.

Today woke up and DH really upset and crying again. It completely threw me and hes seemed fine lately. Well not fine but certainly better. I know this is totally selfish but I'm really angry with him! I feel like I can't help him. I don't want to drag us both to that black place we were in a few weeks back. I feel guilty that I feel like this on top of the already present guilt that comes with the whole MC thing.

We were supposed to be meeting friends today and enjoying the sunshine but now in still in my dressing gown and have a face like thunder! And boy was I looking forward to a beer!

I feel as though I'm right back to square one, only this time more angry. Guessing my hormones are not helping either.

What a truly shocking experience this is. My heart goes out to anyone going through it. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

williwonti Sun 26-May-13 19:36:09

Not really got any advice but agree on how shocking the experience is. I am 10 weeks post MC and for me, time has healed a bit but do dread due date week.

cerysmax Sun 26-May-13 20:10:36

Hi, Just wanted to say I really do feel for you. My mc was 11 days ago and I would have been going to my scan this week. Can't believe I never saw my baby.

But, we are all full of grief and it plays out differently in all of us. I have been through inconsolable crying, guilt, worry for the future, worry about DH and 2 DC and then this last few days I have been angry and bitter. Angry and bitter because I did everything right once I knew I was pregnant, whereas there are women who drink/smoke/take drugs/eat everything and have perfectly healthy babies.

It's not fair and its not right. I still get ms but, you know what, I am looking to the future. I know that this will ALWAYS be with me, but I will cope, I will get through and I will do it with DH and DC.

Please keep the lines of communication open with DH and talk, talk, talk and then talk some more. You are both grieving and you both need time. You will do it in your own way and he will do it in his. I am sure he is not setting out to upset you but real men cry too.

Give him a hug and plan together your future and whether you may want to do something to remember your baby in a way that is special to you both. It may just help with the grieving process.

Sorry, this might be too late to go and have that drink with friends but, you know what, get some beers in and just be together with DH. x

Bakingtins Sun 26-May-13 20:41:01

it makes a change from the usual complaints that DHs are fine and unfeeling! grief is a funny thing, different for everyone and it often seems to go in cycles so you are ok for a bit and then something triggers off another bout. when you have two people grieving but at different places and out of sync it's not surprising that tempers get frayed. It may feel like a backwards step but you are moving towards healing. Try to cut him some slack.

Tomkat79 Mon 27-May-13 09:56:59

Thank you for your replies. DH is and always has been an emotional guy and he feels really deep. Bless him. Totally get that the grief fades one minute and then it's back with a vengeance to bite you on the arse! He's been so strong at such a tough time and we're both looking to the future.

I feel really bad about yesterday, more bloody guilt! I'll cut him lots of slack today and stand firmly by his side on this emotional rollercoaster.

Bakingtins Mon 27-May-13 20:21:29

Don't feel bad. You are both struggling with this, it's no wonder tempers get frayed. It's just a question of recognising that for what it is, forgiving each other and moving forward. Hope today is better for both of you

Tomkat79 Mon 27-May-13 21:41:46

We've had a lovely day today with family in the sun.

Hope you are hanging on in there baking at this tough time x

Bakingtins Tue 28-May-13 22:31:20

Glad you had a nice day. I think you actually have yourself a bit of a gem there, my DH freely admits he has the emotional range of a teaspoon.

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