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(9 Posts)
cerysmax Mon 20-May-13 11:15:47

Hi Everyone,

Still feeling raw from last week but DH is asking if I would like to TTC. Of course I still want a baby but is it disloyal to my lost baby to consider TTC so early? (Time is running out as I am 47).

DH has said he will stop smoking and drinking to give us the best chance. He is a Spiritualist (as was his dad) and firmly believes that a soul is trying to get through to us. He wants to give that soul another chance.

But I am finding it hard to reconcile my feelings. Yes, I want a baby but I don't want to feel that our other baby has been forgotten so quickly. Today I feel that it has all been a bad dream. Numb just doesn't cover it. I can barely cry anymore and yet shouldn't I be crying buckets still? x

shellmck Mon 20-May-13 14:36:34

Hiya i lost my baby nearly 5 weeks ago we were 17 weeks. my period has arrived today and i was so happy of the thought we could TTC again soon. Like you i really want another baby but dont want to feel like we've just forgot about the one we lost. We are still waiting for PM results so dont even no i we should wait for them to come back.

Rockchick1984 Mon 20-May-13 16:03:19

I don't see anything wrong with TTC so soon after miscarriage. Me and DH have decided not to actively TTC yet, however we are having unprotected sex - using the logic that whatever's meant to happen will happen. We do have time on our side however, I'm under 30. If I was older I think we would be actively TTC already.

I don't see it as trying to replace your baby. You want a baby, so you are trying for one. If you had carried to term, and decided you wanted 2 children close in age you wouldn't feel you were replacing your child, it's no different!

However, if you don't feel ready yet then don't. Don't let anyone tell you what you should be feeling, or what you should be doing. It's 6 weeks today since I found out I'd had a MMC (at 12 week scan) and I'm slowly starting to feel better. Some days I'm fine, sometimes it still hits me like a ton of bricks but that is getting less frequent. You need to allow yourself to grieve and to heal however works for you.

lostlove Mon 20-May-13 18:29:28

Even if you conceive immediately, I don't think you'll forget your lost baby.

Everybody's different but I think it's possible to hold the lost baby in your heart and move forward with ttc at the same time, if that's what you need to do.

I'm going to be doing the same over the next few months.

cerysmax Mon 20-May-13 19:08:17

Thank you all.

We so want a baby and I have listened to all that you have said, but I do still feel bad. Although lostlove, I can see your point of view...my baby will ALWAYS be in my heart, just as all of your babies will too.

Shell and rock..thank you.

Feeling like a stupid kid, at my age, trying to chase the impossible dream, but I have to do it for peace of mind. Funny how something that you never thought about before, suddenly becomes so important. x

lostlove Mon 20-May-13 19:28:24

It's less likely but not impossible.

Very best of luck x

lostlove Mon 20-May-13 19:37:58

One other thought... Development of immature sperm to mature sperm takes 72 days so it will take that long for the full benefit of any lifestyle changes by your DH to be realised.

That might be a benefit to consider if you really can't face ttc straightaway.

LittlePeaPod Mon 20-May-13 21:46:15

I am so sorry for your lose. It's such a devastating experience. I had a mc 4th March 2013 and they confirmed a complete mc. I was and I am still heartbroken about our lose. DF and I continued ttc with no break but we never felt (and still dont feel) that we were trying to replace or forget our lost child. I am 37 and we are lucky we got pregnant so quickly in April after 1 AF following mc. Even though I am pregnant I still haven't forgotten our lost baby and I still get upset.. I justed wanted to share so you can see that falling pregnant again takes nothing away from the love you had for your lost baby.... flowers

PicardyThird Tue 21-May-13 15:50:05

I have had five mcs.
After two of them we commenced ttc immediately - first time we conceived dc1 on the third post-mc cycle, second time we conceived straight away, with no period in between, and unfortunately mc again (but not for any reason connected with trying 'too early'). After that mc we had two or three months' break and then conceived dc2 on the second cycle of trying again.
After my fourth mc we waited a good six or seven months, first because I felt at the time that I needed that time to recover, also because we were waiting for test results.
My fifth mc was last week, and now I feel an urgent need to crack on straight away.

IOW, it depends entirely on you, your situation and what feelr right for you at the time. You will love and miss and remember your lost baby whatever you do - that I can, from much experience, assure you of.

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