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Devastated

(6 Posts)
cerysmax Fri 17-May-13 10:34:44

I am 47 and Tuesday night I miscarried (9+3, although may have been 4 weeks further according to examination from midwife and according to my DH's memory of my LMP). I started spotting early Wednesday, after a bout of constipation, so assumed I had burst a blood vessel in my cervix. Or rather hoped I had. I booked in for a scan at EPU 'just in case'.

Late afternoon I started to bleed heavily. Had 3 largish clots that I thought might have been blood pooling and clotting as I was lying down. About 11pm, I had a flood, but by 2am, everything had calmed down. Bleeding was lighter and my mild abdomen cramping became occasional rather than continuous.

Went to hospital with a heavy heart, hoping but knowing that it probably wasn't meant to be. The vaginal scan confirmed that I had suffered a complete miscarriage. I had a pregnancy test which was faintly positive and have to return for another blood test tomorrow to ensure my levels are dropping.

I am in bed and shattered mentally and physically. I still have stomach ache cut cannot bear to even touch my tummy, cos last time I did there was a baby in there. The thought of touching where there was once a bump is just too painful.

My daughter is in bits, my son does not seem to have digested it and my husband, although I know he is hurting, is just getting on with it. Have texted family and good friends that knew but I know that people will be thinking we were too old anyway. The odds against getting pregnant in the first place were stacked against us. We weren't actively trying. It was a huge surprise and I thought I was starting the menopause. But we all loved this baby and what a huge shock. No warning, nothing.

I have told everyone I can't talk so they have left me after the initial 'Sorry' texts. How do I and my family recover from this, especially knowing that this truly was the last chance? My daughter had already put due date on her calendar and our plum was due the day before my Birthday, so I will never forget. I don't know how to cope and how to support my family. Please help.

schobe Fri 17-May-13 10:46:52

Oh I'm so sorry this is so cruel. I don't know what to say - I have suffered several losses and am also old in fertility terms so am trying to come to terms with it being the end of the line.

Your situation is much more confusing as you had to come to terms with the pregnancy to start with. Then life just kicked you in the guts as it so often does to people.

You have to try to take things slowly and be good to yourself. Keep talking to your DC about how they and you are feeling and know that it's ok for all of you to cry and be upset, even in front of one another.

I'm so sorry.

Rockchick1984 Fri 17-May-13 10:50:21

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss thanks

I miscarried in April, and although its been devastating I feel a lot better now so can only hope things keep improving. It's hard, we had told all our friends and family (had an 8 week scan where we saw the heartbeat, all was fine etc. then MMC diagnosed at 12 week scan). They have all been fantastic - although it was horrible telling people, I'm glad that I've had so much support. Hopefully you can find similar.

I still have some bad days - realised a few days ago that I would have been feeling kicks by now and that was upsetting, but on the whole I'm definitely coming to terms with it. Sadly these things do take time - try to allow yourself time to grieve although I know you will have to be strong around your children.

Howstricks Fri 17-May-13 10:53:11

I am so sorry. I stayed away from everyone in my bedroom and cried for a day or so, then I slowly got back to carrying on with life. You will feel empty and devastated for a while and of course you will never forget. I still talk to my little one 7 years on, though with a smile now. Be gentle on yourself, love and hug your family, let the tears come and remember it will get better.

shellmck Fri 17-May-13 11:09:01

Sorry for everyones loss, i lost my baby 4 weeks ago yesterday we were 17 weeks pregnant. Im still very upset and sad but no in time the pain will ease. I feel like no one will ever understand the pain unless you've been there. Be strong all.

Tomkat79 Fri 17-May-13 12:09:52

Bless your heart. So sorry for your loss. I can't tell you how to cope I'm afraid....but I know that you will. You just find the strength from deep within. Stand together, show your emotions to each other whenever you feel the need and don't try to be a hero. Time is such a stupid patronising cliche, but it's the only one that helps sometimes.

Keep posting on here, people are sooo lovely and have got my through the past few weeks. Xx

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