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HELP-Still feeling devastated after losing my baby 5 weeks ago.

(12 Posts)
Honey786 Wed 17-Apr-13 18:39:40

Hi Ladies, I'm new to this but have been reading all your messages while I've been grieving after my Missed Miscarraige and want to say how sorry I am to hear about your losses.

At my 12 week scan I was told that my baby had no heartbeat which was such a shock because I had no idea that anything was wrong. I was given three choices on what to do next and opted for ERPC which was 4 days later. It left me and my husband devastated as we had been trying for over 4 yrs, and finally I conceived through taking Clomid.

I went back to work on Monday which was an extremely difficult day after seeing a colleague who is at the same stage of pregnancy as I would've been. Everytime I see her my heart rips open and I can't help but think that I would've had a bump that big. I come home and get myself in a state by crying so much. I just want to know if feeling like this is normal, or am I just too sensitive and finding it extremely difficult? It's on my mind 24/7, is it normal that I can't stop thinking about it even after its been 5weeks since the ERPC?

I feel so lonely, I feel like everyone expects me to get over it so I've been putting on a brave face.

I apologise for the essay, thanx for reading xxx

HumphreyCobbler Wed 17-Apr-13 18:41:54

You are not overly sensitive, it IS normal to feel incredibly sad and upset at the loss of the baby you were going to have. So sorry you have been through this. It is also extremely painful when it has been a long journey to conceive your first baby.

spanky2 Wed 17-Apr-13 18:42:03

Maybe you need some bereavement counseling . You need to take time to feel your loss. Don't think that you shouldn't. I am so sorry .thanks

Fiddlesticks8 Wed 17-Apr-13 18:45:55

Not at all. You were very brave to go back to work. The forget me not charity is great, really supportive, lots of great articles and chat forums. try searching for it on google as I'm not sure of the website address. It helped me a lot, mine was earlier at 6 weeks, which was traumatic enough. Hugs to you x

Honey786 Wed 17-Apr-13 19:25:39

Thank you for replying ladies and for your advice which I will consider. II have good days and very bad days but I still hurt just as much as I did when I first found out. I agree with you HumphreyCobbler that I'm finding it extremely painful because I've tried so hard to concieve for such a long time xxx

HumphreyCobbler Wed 17-Apr-13 20:05:58

Like you I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks - it is such a horrible shock sad. You and your DH really need to allow yourself time to grieve. It is SO hard also with a visible reminder of what could have been with your work colleague.

It does get easier, I promise. You will get back on track, just take things slowly and be kind to yourself.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 17-Apr-13 22:53:34

It is quite normal to feel this way. Every one of us here has been through this.
How I described it is that I have this huge black cloud of misery/grief tethered to me. In the beginning, no matter how hard I tried I couldnt outrun it. But, as time goes by It gets farther and farther behind. It will still sometimes catch back up with me, when I hear a PG announcement, or see a newborn, but as time goes by the clouds appear less and less often. I think they will always be there somewhere but it does get much better.
You just need to keep going.
Look at it like this, these people we see who we are jealous of, the alternative is for them to have gone through what we have been through. I would rather I feel jealous than they feel this pain.

Bakingtins Thu 18-Apr-13 08:21:12

Ah Honey of course you're not over-sensitive. 5 weeks is a really short time and you've had a devastating loss after a long struggle to get pregnant in the first place. Please don't be lonely - there are loads of lovely people here who have been through similar and someone will identify with every emotion you experience on the roller-coaster. It does help to share how you are feeling.
My most recent MC was 7 weeks ago now and I'm struggling more now than I did at the time, I think to some extent you just go into coping mode until you've got the physical bit over with. Now everyone else has forgotten about it and moved on and I'm still hurting.
Going back to work is tough, dealing with other pregnant women is tough, don't be too hard on yourself. Each time you face one of these hurdles it gets a bit easier to do it next time. Make sure if you are brazening it out at work that you do have somewhere you can be real about how you are feeling. Take care.

Honey786 Thu 18-Apr-13 16:57:31

Thank you ladies so much for your support, it does help to know that you know exactly what I'm feeling. I am so sorry for your losses, it is so cruel that we have to experience this. I'm feeling the same as you Bakingtins at the moment, where it feels like everyone else has forgotten.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss, I like ur description. A very dark cloud is looming over me and making me miserable. I'm terrible company because of this and avoid being around people apart from at work. It's not good for me , I know but it's the only way I know to deal with my grief.

Thank you all xxx

clattypatty Thu 18-Apr-13 17:09:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honey786 Thu 18-Apr-13 17:53:06

Thank you Clattypatty and congratulations xx I'm so pleased for you. I've just started my first cycle after mc and hoping to get a bfp ASAP!

It is so true that you lose so much more than the baby, I has so many plans and dreams for my little one. It's so hard forget all of this as easily as everyone expects. Even now I think about it all the time and I feel like there's still a big hole in my heart which is hurting much.

Thank you for your advice about counselling, will definitely consider it xx

TrudyW Thu 18-Apr-13 19:45:57

5 weeks is no time at all, I'm still devastated 6 months later! My baby's due date would have been next Friday and I'm dreading it. You are completely right to feel the way you do, a friend of mine has just had her little girl, we were due within weeks of one another and although I'm so happy for her it is hard thinking that my baby should be here too. I don't think you ever "get over it" how can you? Although I've had several people say that exact phrase to me. I just think the pain gets easier to manage but there's always times you think back and think of what should have been. I am so sorry you lost your baby, grieve as much as you want for as long as you want and don't let anyone tell you that you are too sensitive, anyone that can say that has obviously no experience of miscarriage and therefore cannot understand the way that you feel, wishing you all the best for the future, just take your time and be kind to yourself xxx

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