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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

please help me

26 replies

00deed88 · 31/03/2013 00:06

Ok, so I am new here. I had a positive test 4 days ago after trying for 6 months, not seen the doctor yet. I have been having stomach cramps before we found out and since. Tonight I started bleeding. Its quite heavy. Do I go hospital or is it even worth it? I think being less that 5 weeks and having a miscarriage, the doctors won't be too bothered. I don't want to go through any unnecessary pain. If that's it I would rather be at home and test again in a week to make sure its over! Not told the other half yet! He is so excited I just don't want to disappoint him! :( x

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Casserole · 31/03/2013 00:10

Oh love. I'm so sorry.
I think, unless you start soaking through pads or feeling unwell, feverish etc your instinct is probably right. I would sit tight and see what happens. But tell your partner. He'll want to know x

thornrose · 31/03/2013 00:14

I'm so sorry to be honest you are right. If you go to A&E tonight they won't do much, or at least that was my experience.
I agree with Casserole, are you sure your partner wouldn't want to support you through this?

00deed88 · 31/03/2013 00:28

It is very heavy! :( and in the bleeding its quite clotted! Ffs, I hate my life! Its just not fair!

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thornrose · 31/03/2013 00:31

It isn't fair, it's awful and heartbreaking.
Maybe you'd feel better at A & E just to give you peace of mind?

00deed88 · 31/03/2013 00:31

I can't tell partner right now. He is the full time carer of his son! We don't live together quite yet! :t

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thornrose · 31/03/2013 00:32

Is there anyone you can talk to in RL, sister or mum maybe?

00deed88 · 31/03/2013 00:39

I will tell my fiance tomorrow, I just can't tell him now. No one to tell now. My mum has a disabled child to look after and my oldest sister is 9! My one cousin (godmother) I wish I could talk to has just arrived to Ireland today today to see her mum! :( that's why I am turning to you guys! X

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thornrose · 31/03/2013 00:44

If you are having a miscarriage then when you're ready The Miscarriage Association are great. You can look online or ring them, I'm not sure of the hours though.
How are you feeling, are you in a lot of pain, have you taken any pain relief?

Ginformation · 31/03/2013 00:46

Sorry to hear what you are going through. From a medical point of view, you will probably need a scan (at your local early pregnancy clinic via your GP or A&E) to check everything is ok in the next few days. If you are having very heavy bleeding or pain (or you are not sure for any other reason) you will need to be seen sooner in A&E.

00deed88 · 31/03/2013 02:01

I just know that going to my local a&e tonight I will. Be made to wait. For example at one point I was rushed to the ward cos if the state I was in after waiting 13 hours! I don't think you Would be that happy!!!! X

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00deed88 · 31/03/2013 02:12

I just know that going to my local a&e tonight I will. Be made to wait. For example at one point I was rushed to the ward cos if the state I was in after waiting 13 hours! I don't think you Would be that happy!!!! X

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ncsmummy · 31/03/2013 07:36

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. x

vix206 · 31/03/2013 07:46

I'm so sorry. How are you this morning?

Bakingtins · 31/03/2013 09:12

I'm sorry. It's even more crap to have this happen over a holiday and feel that you can't access advice. If you are coping physically I think you are doing the right thing to stay at home. They probably won't even scan you since it's too early to expect to see anything. Do check that you get a negative pregnancy test in a week or so, if not then you need to get checked out. I'd get help if you are in severe pain, if you bleed heavily enough to soak a maxi pad in less than an hour or if you feel unwell.
Tell your partner - it's his baby too and I'm sure he'd want to be there supporting you. You need some practical support in real life as well as emotional support, it's a rotten thing to go through.

00deed88 · 31/03/2013 09:44

This morning I have the lovely task of telling my parter that the baby we wanted so much is more than likely gone! I even bought my maternity wedding dress yesterday. How depressing is that? Still bleeding, but just like a normal period. Got stomach cramps, but nothing a hot waterbottle can't take of. I just want to hide away from the world! Feel such a failure! :(

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00deed88 · 31/03/2013 09:49

Can't take care of*

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Bakingtins · 31/03/2013 11:34

You haven't failed anyone, lovely. Was this your first pregnancy? Miscarriage is sadly very common and in the majority of cases is caused by a genetic problem in the embryo that arises by chance and means it never would be able to develop past a certain point, or it didn't implant properly in the womb. The likelihood is that it was very bad luck and that next time you will successfully carry a pregnancy to term. It's normal to look for something to blame (and find only yourself) but this was not your fault. I'm sure your partner will be sad and disappointed too - you need to grieve together for the loss of all you had planned, but I'm also sure there will be happiness in the future for you both.

thornrose · 31/03/2013 12:39

I'm so sorry, I fell asleep on the sofa last night, you were the first thing I thought of this morning.
I second Baking, I was amazed to find out how many first pregnancies end in miscarriage, including mine. know that's not going to make you feel better right now though
I hope you didn't have to hard a time at A&E.
Remember the Miscarriage Association when you feel up to it I found them really helpful.
Keep talking if you want to.

vix206 · 31/03/2013 13:56

You are not a failure. This is not your fault. It is nature, and sometimes nature is seemingly very cruel. I am miscarrying right now too and it is brutal but the one thing that has kept me sane is support so get as much support from loved ones as you can. And keep talking to us if it is helpful, it helps me.

vix206 · 01/04/2013 18:59

How are you today?

00deed88 · 02/04/2013 00:49

Hey everyone, sorry I've been quiet. I have been trying to occupy myself with the other half but when I have got home it has only been a bottle of wine that's kept me happy! All those months of giving up smoking and drink, made up for it the last 2 nights! Every time I go toilet I want to cry! My partner was brilliant, but he seems to think as soon as I start bleeding we can try again (yes its the first baby for me as someone asked before) but I don't think he seems to understand my grief for this baby! The one I should have had, the one I keeo picturing, half of me and half of him. I think that cos he is already a dad (and a full time one at that) he can't quite understand the way I feel! :( thanks for the support everyone!!! X x x x

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00deed88 · 02/04/2013 00:51

Stop bleeding of course....whoops! The effects of the wine I mentioned! :p x

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toffeelolly · 02/04/2013 01:00

So sorry, went thought this twice 10 years ago one after the other , know how you feel. Take care and wait till you feel strong again before trying everybody is different you are the only one who know's when the time is right. Look after yourself. x

00deed88 · 02/04/2013 01:36

Thank You! I know I'm the one who knows best about next and trying. Just hope he understands! X

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Bakingtins · 02/04/2013 08:33

Only you can decide when you are ready to try again, and you do need time to grieve for this baby. IME most women find trying again ASAP is therapeutic and gives you something to focus on, but everyone is different. There is a lovely thread on the conception board for women TTC after a MC, current one has 'posifrickingtivity' in the title. It's been a great support for me. We'd be delighted to welcome you any time you feel up to it.
I'd really encourage you to do something to acknowledge and honour the baby you lost, preferably with your partner but on your own if he's not up for it. Plant a tree, release a balloon, buy a piece of memorial jewellery, write a letter or poem. It helps.

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