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Late Loss number two

(21 Posts)
ImpatientPants Tue 26-Mar-13 23:39:06

Hi new here I have been lurking for a while and was pregnant up to a week ago with a very active wriggling baby since 13 weeks. I was 17 weeks when I was scanned and no heartbeat was found following a possible infection. Second time in 4.5 years for a late loss and I knew what was coming. I had to give birth to my tiny baby boy after a six hour mini labour on Friday night. I have four other children, including a rainbow baby after my first late loss so I am lucky, but I feel really lost with this one. It's only been three days since coming out of hospital, but I am in such shock still. I know that I won't be having any more babies, which makes it worse,I have nothing to look forward to. I just don't know if I can go on, it's just too hard to bear. I have witnessed some of the lovely support offered by others on this thread and hoped I could get some virtual support and hand holding to see me through.

Schooldidi Tue 26-Mar-13 23:41:37

Here's a hand to hold. I'm so sorry you are going through this again.

I don't know how much help I can be but I can hold your hand and offer you hugs even if they are virtual ones.

ImpatientPants Tue 26-Mar-13 23:44:57

Thank you so much School it's so nice to have a response at this late hour

Schooldidi Tue 26-Mar-13 23:48:42

I'll be going to bed soon but I didn't want to leave you unanswered.

How old are your other children? Do you have good rl support?

ImpatientPants Tue 26-Mar-13 23:54:48

Children are 22,18,14 and 3.5 I have an excellent DH who has been through it with me but I can't express this to him. I know I will get through it but its just so cruel. Thanks for responding I was feeling very low.

MaryMotherOfCheeses Wed 27-Mar-13 00:00:31

Oh I'm sorry for your loss.

I was just about to switch off and go to bed but couldn't leave this without answering.

Have stared at the screen for a few moments but can't say anything useful. It's an awful situation to be in, I know that.

I promise it gets easier.

rhondajean Wed 27-Mar-13 00:00:53

It is impossibly cruel.

I don't think I can help either but here's another hand and another hug.

ImpatientPants Wed 27-Mar-13 00:05:19

Thank you all

halesball Wed 27-Mar-13 00:05:38

Take some time out for yourself and allow yourself to grieve. My thoughts are with you and your family. thanks

NorksAreMessy Wed 27-Mar-13 00:08:54

I am so sad and sorry about this. Let us hold your hand and support you.

Did you name your little boy?

OvO Wed 27-Mar-13 00:14:21

I'm so sorry.

I've had two losses too - 14 weeks and 36 weeks.
The baby I lost at 14 weeks was the second one and after that I decided no more babies as I couldn't chance it again. Honestly, it did take about 2 years to really come to terms with that decision but I'm happy with it now.

Unmumsnetty hugs for you.

Irishwhiskey Wed 27-Mar-13 00:28:36

Such an unbelievably cruel thing to happen... I lost my first little girl at 18 weeks and although I have had a healthy daughter since it still hurts. Thinking of you and sending lots and lots of virtual hugs! You sound like such a lovely person and such a loving and caring mum!

ImpatientPants Wed 27-Mar-13 09:11:13

I am overwhelmed this morning by the responses.
OvO I am not sure how I would have gone on with a loss at 36 weeks,I am grateful it did not happen that late, you are amazing! Norks I did name this baby as I didn't last time, and I always felt bad. We did use the same name for my rainbow baby though, and this had a bearing. We called him Stanley and he is being cremated next week along with some other little angels.
The nursing staff were really lovely which did make it easier, but I am barely functioning. Its lovely to hear from others who have been through this as well.

Bakingnovice Wed 27-Mar-13 09:17:36

How very sad. It's not surprising that you are struggling and engulfed in grief. You've lost something so precious. Here to hold your hand and put my arms around you at this difficult time. Stanley is a lovely name.

ImpatientPants Wed 27-Mar-13 09:34:15

Thanks Bakingnovice thats really kind. I do have a question for all if possible. I had a private scan when I was told that the heartbeat had gone and the very kind doctor advised that due to the amount of water around the baby she thought it was from parvovirus/slapped cheek syndrome. She had all the measurements from the nuchal scan where it was shown to be a perfectly healthy baby. My son had the infection a couple of days before my baby died, but I had no idea I wasn't immune or that it was even dangerous in some cases. I wanted to email my friends that are childminders or spend a long time with children and trying to conceive, to advise them to get checked for immunity, but I don't want to frighten anyone but want the people I care about to avoid this if at all possible. Do you think I should do this, or just leave it, I do wish someone had told me? I want to do something positive, but don't want to add to anyone's worries. What do you think?

scottishmummy Wed 27-Mar-13 09:41:30

Sorry to read about Stanley,and your bereavement.sometimes there are no words
Take this secondly second,minute by minute you've both had dreadful loss
What follow up is hospital offering?see gp if you need to.

Bakingnovice Wed 27-Mar-13 09:58:31

Impatient - if it was me id be worried too and want to warn others. But don't know what to suggest. Is there anyone close to you who is pg and who has been in contact with your ds? Do you think your loss was caused by catching the infection from your ds?

NorksAreMessy Wed 27-Mar-13 10:38:26

Do let us know when little Stanley's service is and I will light a candle for him.

Shellywelly1973 Wed 27-Mar-13 19:08:24

Im so sorry your going through this...its so unfair & heart breaking.

I would suggest going to your G.P to discuss the risks involved concerning the virus.

Take care of yourself. Give yourself time to grieve for Stanley. X

nectarini1983 Wed 27-Mar-13 19:45:15

Im so sorry for your loss. The early days following a late loss are such a blur of intense raw grief. You have to just take each hour as it comes and go from there.

I found it very very hard losing my son at 17 weeks in January. The majority of the discussions on here and literature available are aimed at first trimester losses and stillbirths. I felt very alone in how to deal with it as my son was perfectly formed but not old enough to 'officially' have existed.

I can understand you wanting to warn other women. Id say just so wwitj what you feel is right. If writing to your local ccg or pct makes you feel better then do it. Even if it's just a distraction for an hour,then that's ok too.

Just be kind to yourself and dont rush to get back to "normal." Whatever that is after something like this has happened. Im just learning to find a new normal. day at a time.

Thinking of you amd anyone else that sadly may be going through the same.x

ImpatientPants Tue 09-Apr-13 16:59:54

I just wanted to say a big thank you to all who helped me through the first couple of days following my loss. You were a tower of strength and I am doing much better. I have so much to be thankful for, but it has been a rubbish March, my Dad died at the beginning, I lost my baby and the day I went to hospital, I found out I am under consultation for redundancy with only a 50/50 chance of staying. I was in a very low place, but there is hope and recovery after this loss, I just wanted anyone else to remain positive if they are going through this.

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