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Support thread for miscarriage and management of it -

(110 Posts)
dorapeppageorgenoddy Mon 25-Feb-13 11:58:45

Sadly there seems to be a group of us going through a similar experience so I thought a shared thread may help to 'talk' on -

I'm currently hiding from the world in bed, lost all motivation for anything but not sleeping at night, had awful dreams like it was twins and one is still alive.

Had the ERPC on Wednesday evening after a scan in the afternoon, (was meant to be 11 weeks and baby had stopped at about 7 weeks) think that all happened quickly just by coincidence and the fact I hadn't eaten and space on the list etc - but realise everyone story is different -

Anyway I hope we can share and ask questions here, MN had helped me so much in the last 5 days -

Thinking of you all -

daisydelilah Sun 05-May-13 09:50:46

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses, and I hope playing with your DS has made you feel a bit brighter this morning, salexa.

I don't know if this is the place to ask, but my beloved sil has just lost her baby at 12 weeks and is in the waiting period before she can go back in for her ERPC and I was wondering if anyone who has been through it has any advice about what I can say that might help her at this horrible time - or even what I should avoid saying? Was there anything anyone said that helped you? I am going to tell her to give herself as long as she needs to grieve, and maybe suggest the engraved stone idea, and also suggest that she, my DB and their DD try to go away together for a few days. But any other thoughts would be appreciated.

MrsArmitageQOTR Sun 05-May-13 07:48:50

Hi. I started miscarrying earlier this week at 6-7wks. I posted elsewhere yesterday and kind people helped me from feel less lonely. I somehow didnt see all the messages like this with people of similar experiences. I've been reading since 4 this morning and its both sad and comforting. I wish i had anything useful to say to help people, except getting short term help to sleep from your GP might really help. Sleep deprivation makes everything worse. I'm really sorry some of you have had this happen several times.

I was totally unprepared that a mc this early could feel like early labour or that I'd see little sac with what would have my baby. I got some Diazepam to calm me and help me sleep. Last night i slept well for the first time in a few days and physically feel much better but i can't stop my mind racing. I keep reading others stories to stop my own thoughts crowding in. And i feel the only way I can cope is to take a tablet and be a bit fuzzy headed again. But in 2 days i need to cope with normal life again.

Oh, perfect timing. My DS arrived earlier while i was typing the above with his "talking tummy button" to say good morning. Cute. And then made me laugh more by elbowing me away for kissing him too much. Maybe I'll go have a play and try focusing on the positive.

Bakingtins Sun 07-Apr-13 18:34:04

Hi all. Sorry to see newbies joining but hope you find it helpful to be here. I'm finding it hard at the moment, should have been having my scan last week and instead had AF after MC. Next week is EDD for the baby I lost in September, 2 weeks later anniversary of MC1. I have arms like a pincushion from RMC blood tests and another 2 sessions this week. I'm not feeling hopeful at the moment that they'll find anything fixable. I just feel very conscious of how long we've been trying with nothing but sadness to show for it, and I'm surrounded by people that have got pregnant and had their babies in that time without an apparent care in the world. I post on the posifrickingtivity thread over on the conception board (for TTC after MC) but even on there I just see loads of people getting their BFP after a cycle or two and I'm still there about 6 threads later. Of course I want it to work out for them after they've all been through the sadness too, but my posifrickingtivity is trickling away with every person that 'jumps the queue'. I 'm actually feeling like I'd be so much happier if I just gave up on the whole thing, but having committed time and money to investigations I feel obliged to see it through and to have another go at TTC. Sorry for the moan.

dorapeppageorgenoddy Sun 07-Apr-13 15:12:19

Cupcake so sorry to read your story, have you seen a doctor/consultant about your losses?

We have decided not to TTC for at least a year and to be honest I feel so sad all the time that I need that to pass before even thinking about another baby.

The sadness has been sitting with me for weeks now and I can't seem to shake it, just feel joyless and empty -

Hope everyone else is ok smile

CupcakeFanatic Wed 03-Apr-13 14:11:55

It's just over 2 weeks since I had ERPOC. My bleeding afterwards lasted less than an ordinary period. Being exhausted was my main side effect, I'm still exhausted even now.

I get sudden onset crying too, I'm glad I'm not the only one.

I really want to be pregnant again ASAP with a healthy bean that sticks. After having a beautiful stillborn baby girl, then a chemical pregnancy, then a recent ERPOC the desire to be holding healthy babies of my own in my arms is so strong. I know I have put put myself through all the fear if I'm ever going to reach that achievement.

meow57 Wed 03-Apr-13 13:03:27

Hi everyone, so pleased to discover these threads, so horrible so many people are having similar experiences to me but also a comfort.

I have now had two miscarriages and an ERPC last Thursday. I feel so sad. You know that PMT when you just want to cry and can't stop?

My friends and family are being great, despite most of them living miles away (I recently moved). I wish more of them were closer as I need a lot of hugs right now!

I'm back at work half days from today, I could not decide what to do but I didn't just want to stay in bed crying so doing half a days work (luckily I work from home) did get me out of bed and dressed.

I get the feeling that when I am physically sick support is there is buckets but I feel under a lot of pressure to get back to normal.

I feel so many sad thoughts but I know things could be worse. I was told after the ERPC (although I was coming round so I think this is what they said) that it wasn't a molar pregnancy but I guess I am just waiting for a letter now, any idea how long they take?

Miscarriage sucks and it's not even sunny outside!

icklemssunshine1 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:48:36

hey dora, haven't received a letter but I did sign a consent to say they could test the tissue. Know having AF is saddening but on the positive at least your body is back to normal. Mine still hasn't appeared & I'm fed up of waiting. I have PCO & worried that caused MC & reason why AF still hasn't returned. Getting hard to see my friend with her bump as she's due 10 days after my EDD. Thought time would heal but its getting harder. Going away next week so hopefully the fresh Peak District air will do me good.

Wattinger, so sorry for your loss. Keep posting. I find MN keeps me sane. I've also started knitting & doing something has given me some balance!

Shelly, sorry to hear you're still feeling down. Maybe the time with your family will be just what you need?

Have a good break all & at least we've got chocolate to cheer ourselves up!

Shellywelly1973 Wed 27-Mar-13 19:36:52

Its been a while since i posted. Its 4 weeks today since i had the erpc. I went for my 12 week scan, the Sat before, to be told baby had died 4 weeks before. It was a terrible shock & i literally fell to bits.

Its been a long 4 weeks.

The support i got from MN & the MC Association was brilliant. My family were a disgrace. Dp was good for a couple weeks but then when i felt down he told me i needed to 'get it together&i should go to the doctor as i seem depressed'. He thinks i need to get on with things, hes right i do but i can't.

I admit i havn't coped well. I should be 16 weeks now. I should have a bump. I should have heard her heart beat this week. I should be feeling her move...I was going to book a private gender scan...

Im stuck back in the last week of Feb. I remember each day so wed is erpc day. Sat is scan day. Mon is day i called the EPU. Tue is the day i went for the second scan...every week. I wish i could go back 22nd Feb. I was so happy.

Everything is different now. I cant cope with my dc. I've not seen any of my family. Im totally disappointed in dp& questioning why im even with him.

Im dreading Easter. Dp has 5 days off. 2of the dc are off for nearly 3 weeks. One of them has 4 weeks off school!!

Hopefully time will help... Nothing else has...

wattingerofdoom Wed 27-Mar-13 15:36:29

Hello to everyone on here. Sorry for all of your losses sad
I lost my baby last week at nearly 8 weeks pregnant. I already have 2 DCs and I know I should feel really lucky but I can't right at this moment in time. I am hoping it gets better soon.
A new low point was crying in the cheese section of Sainsburys earlier. I saw some lovely looking Brie and thought to myself "What a shame I can't have any." Then I remembered that I can and started sobbing blush

dorapeppageorgenoddy Tue 26-Mar-13 22:04:45

Hi everyone - had a letter from the hospital that arrived yesterday, didn't know what it was and hated reading it was a letter saying 'we hope you have recovered from your recent miscarriage, we are pleased to inform you there were no abnormalities from the sample that was tested'

Which made feel worse than I did, wasn't expecting a letter and didn't know a sample was tested - but the letter made me feel, there was nothing wrong - so why then did it happen? Anyway did anyone else have a letter?

I also got my period so a pretty crap week, but the period may explain why I was feeling so down sad

Ickle hope you have a good Easter break and I hope everyone else starts to feel a little brighter soon -

icklemssunshine1 Tue 26-Mar-13 07:03:07

Hi all,

Haven't been in this thread for a while. How are we all doing? 5 weeks tomorrow & 4 weeks tomorrow since I found out about MMC & subsequent ERPC. Felt okay last week but yesterday had such a shit day. Think it was triggered by seeing my friend (& colleague) return to work with her 14 week bump; I should be 16 weeks sad Got to stop thinking like that, have had hardly any sleep so those thoughts aren't doing me any good. Easter next week so got a little lodge booked, going to hide away with DH & DD!!

Hope2013 Sun 24-Mar-13 12:07:10

Thanks for the replies and advice, I think it's just a case of taking it one day at a time. I hope everyone is ok and wish you all a better week x

Bakingtins Sat 23-Mar-13 19:55:31

Hi gonna I think going back to work can be helpful if you are someone that just wants to get on with things. I didn't have any time off this time round, started to MC on a Monday at work, worst bit was Tuesday then I was due back at work Friday and the weekend and went in as normal. I cope better if I'm busy, today I've had a day off and it has dragged. Everything feels pointless and I can't be bothered. Only my manager knows at work so everyone is carrying on regardless, which made it easier initially but now feels a bit dishonest, since I'd regard many of them as friends. First time round I was really poorly in hospital so they all knew - first day I did quite a bit of crying because they were all saying how sorry they were, after that I felt they were on eggshells for a bit, then they all forgot about it and I was a bit hurt that they thought I'd be over it that quickly.
Do whatever is best for you, you know if you are better flinging yourself back into the swing of things or if you need more time to rest and recover. The first day back will be daunting whenever you go, but you only have to do it once.

Bakingtins Sat 23-Mar-13 19:37:42

Hi Hope I am so sorry you've lost your baby. There's a good thread on here about what to expect that is worth reading to prepare yourself. The other place to look for very down to earth advice is the Miscarriage Association website. Having done it three times, the only advice I'd give you on handling it emotionally is to recognise that you need to go through a process of grieving for your baby and all the future plans you had, and that it will take a while. You'll probably feel numb, angry, jealous, empty, sad at different times. Just accept it all as part of coming to terms with the loss. Be kind to yourself, take the time you need to recover physically. I've found it helpful to do something to remember each of my lost LOs, it's important to honour their life, however short, because they mattered to you. There will be someone here whenever you need someone to talk to.

gonnabeamum Sat 23-Mar-13 19:35:58

hi hope - sorry to have to welcome you onto a thread such as this. it is scary and unfortunately i cant offer any great advice on the emotional side of things - im barely working it out for myself for the moment. As far as the physical side of things - yes it is difficult. i did a bit of homework before things happened using mainly this site and google. i found it helped prepare me for what actually happened but even so, i still found it traumatic and painful. i was booked for surgery but ended up naturally miscarrying before i could get as far as the theatre - that was only last weekend.

baking - as far as telling people - i think im ok-ish with it. my problem is facing everyone who already knew i was pregnant, and dealing with their reactions. some people dont know what to say, some people offer hugs, some people offer advice or comparison stories- i just find that whole aspect quite awkward, and hugs inparticular trigger the tears for me. everyone at my work knew, but ive only spoken to one person from work face to face so far. its freaking me out having to face them but in the same boat, i dont want to dwell on whats happened and want to get on with life. maybe i need one more week? i feel fine one minute then really down the next - my line runs out monday - i have a doc appointment that day anyway so will need to try and work out what my best option is...

sorry for the ramble... not normally a forum-type of person either, but i have found this site to be quite helpful and enlightening.


Hope2013 Sat 23-Mar-13 17:53:35

Hi, I am new to this site. I am 10 weeks pregnant and found out yesterday at an early scan (as I had exeprienced bleeding) that there was no heartbeat and the baby died at 7 weeks.

I couldn't face having a procedure, or spending time in hospital, so I am at home waiting for it to happen naturally.

I am so sorry to hear all of these stories of other people going through the same thing.

I have to wait for the physical side of things to happen, which is scary, but if anyone has any advice on dealing with the emotional side that would be a great help, I feel awful and very tearful at the moment.

dorapeppageorgenoddy Sat 23-Mar-13 17:18:48

It's crap isn't it - sometimes I wish I had told more people but then in other ways I'm glad they don't know - its the sharing of experience that is helpful rather than people knowing, which is hard to find as it is one of those topics hardly talked about - but once others know my fear is they will then presume we are TTC again and I don't want all that speculation.

I want the sunshine to come and tiredness to lift, I just feel demotivated for anything -

It is good to read your stories on here (although good isn't the right word), I hope everyone is feeling a bit better today -

Bakingtins Sat 23-Mar-13 07:00:18

Hugs for everyone having a bad week. I think it gets harder when everyone expects you to be ok and you are still grieving.
gonna take more time if you need it, once you go back it will be difficult to be off again if you are struggling.
I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on telling people. Not many people know about MC3, which I found easier initially. Now I feel a bit stronger I'm wondering if I'm contributing to the conspiracy of silence about it and I ought to tell people? And if I do, how do you just drop it into conversation without being a drama queen?

gonnabeamum Fri 22-Mar-13 23:06:35

*sending virtual hugs to everyone*

im joining the shit week club too - not been a great week. was due for erpc tuesday but mother nature had other ideas. ended up with overnight stint in hospital last weekend due to the intensity of the pain and bleeding . felt wiped out for most of this week but thought i was handling it ok until last night - its like a wave of sadness just sort of swept over me and there has been loads of tears since sad not sure now if im ready to go back to work monday or if i need more time.

MrsSpencerReid Fri 22-Mar-13 21:44:47

Dora, I have had a similarly shit week, I feel worse now than I did when it happened, I am trying to make the most of not being preg, drinking, going out with friends, dyeing my hair, but its not really working sad

dorapeppageorgenoddy Fri 22-Mar-13 21:00:33

I'm sad tonight, did not want to start a new post but the last few days its all hitting again - this is probably just going to read as a rant- but various factors have made me sad, like I would have been nearly 16 weeks or at an event this week I would have told this person etc -

Also sad because people keep commenting on my tiredness or sadness I guess, they don't know what's happened but I'm not my bubbly self and that's what they can see.

The weather isn't helping, but my OH was like I think you've bounced back from it all quite well....? Which upset me and then tonight my son asked if I had a baby in my tummy sad

Just sharing sad

nennyrainbow Fri 15-Mar-13 11:10:44

Thanks, tallyra

SunsetSongster Thu 14-Mar-13 22:06:47

Thanks for the support Tallyra and Bakingtins. In the end I had a physical examination to see if the cervix was closed and they found that the sac was sitting there (I was about 6 weeks when it went wrong but it is now about 4 weeks later). Three different people had a go at removing what they could but it wasn't completely successful. I am due back in for a scan tomorrow.

It was a very long day - I didn't get out of the ward until after 8pm and I'd been in since before 9am (most of that time spend pacing the corridors to move things along). I'm glad I know how things stand though - I was dreading that they wouldn't see anything and then not book me in for a scan until next week. I just want to know when things can get back to normal and I am worried about taking so much time off work.

If anyone is reading this and going in for a medical management I would recommend taking comfortable shoes and an ipod. I also wish I had taken my phone charger and my battery nearly died while I was arranging for my DH to come and get me.

Bakingtins Thu 14-Mar-13 16:55:00

Sunset I'm sorry you find yourself here. You didn't say how far along you were but you may well have passed the sac without realising. I've had 3 MC between 8-10 weeks and in 2 of them haven't recognised the sac - I assume it was in one of the massive clots sad. Both times I've had about 24 hours of very heavy bleeding and pain then it has settled right down to period-like proportions for about another week. I hope it's all over physically for you.
It's a normal part of grieving to look for someone or something to blame, in this case yourself, but it really isn't your fault. Your body was trying to nurture and protect the pregnancy until it recognised that it was no longer progressing, now it's doing the right thing by letting it go. Be kind to yourself - I find wine and chocolate are essential to the physical recovery process.

Tallyra Thu 14-Mar-13 16:11:17

sunset sending you hugs. None of us should have to go through this, it's just not right.

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