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normal post mortem

(8 Posts)
nearlyreadytopop Fri 22-Feb-13 02:19:53

Got pm results yesterday from loss at 17 weeks. Confirmed that baby had died a few weeks before I found out. And he was perfect.
Feel like such a failure. Like I let him down. Just hate myself right now for not being able to grow him.

JakeBullet Fri 22-Feb-13 03:05:56

Am so sorry to read this nearly

You are not a failure and you didn't let your baby down. You held him and cuddled him inside you for 17 weeks and for some unexplained reason he has died. The sad thing is that nearly all babies who die in this way are seemingly perfect and rarely is any abnormality which might have caused death found. Bear in mind that he was very small so the chances of finding the real cause is much reduced than in a bigger baby.

You haven't let him down at all. He will always be part of you and you have acknowledged his existence. Am not sure what the hospital have done in the way of keepsakes for you but perhaps keep a memory box for him with all the bits the hospital might have given you. I have a simple scan photo of a baby I lost very early (8 weeks) which I keep in a prayer book.

SANDS are worth having a look at. They support people who lose babies before, doing or after birth.....and at any stage of pregnancy. Their site is very good and has lots of advice.

Again am so sorry you are going through this, and again you are not a failure and you didn't let your baby boy down. Xxxx

Isabeller Fri 22-Feb-13 03:13:33

So sorry to hear of your loss xx

JakeBullet Fri 22-Feb-13 08:14:53

Hope you got some sleep last night nearly, be kind to yourself today x

Rosduk Fri 22-Feb-13 10:50:38

So sorry. I feel your pain. I lost my son at 27 weeks after an emcs in nov. we got the PM results back that also says he was perfect in every way. It's heartbreaking and I also feel the way you do, like I let him down but in reality there was nothing we could do.
I hope you feel better soon. I agree that SANDS were really helpful for me. Their book 'when a baby dies' was really worth a read x

BlackholesAndRevelations Fri 22-Feb-13 15:14:02

You didn't let him down. I'm sorry for your loss sad xx

nearlyreadytopop Sat 23-Feb-13 09:01:53

Thank you all for being so kind. Sorry for not replying sooner, back to hospital yesterday because after 5 weeks they think I still have retained tissue possibly causing infection. Also getting positive pregnancy tests so getting Hcg checked.

nearlyreadytopop Sat 23-Feb-13 09:08:07

Rosduk Im so sorry for your loss. Getting normal pm results makes it harder to deal with.
Thank you for the reading recommendation, will check it out.

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