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What happens with a misscarrige/stillborn?

(54 Posts)
FrillsandLaces Mon 18-Feb-13 20:29:46

Hya, I found out last week at my 20 week scan that my little boy has pelvic renal dilatation. I went for another scan which showed it was really severe. His kidneys nd bladder are to big for his tiny body. His water was low aswell.

A further scan today showed that his water is even lower and will get lower and lower. One of his kidneys had cysts on it and was completly packed out, the other is barely working. His bladder id that big it is in his chest where is lungs should be.

I have another scan in 3 weeks but he is likely to have died by then. My scan is just really to see if he is still alive. Either way there is nothing that can be done for him and he is going to die.

If he hasn't died by my next scan I will be having a termination, it is my only option. He isnt going to survive. Sorry to ramble on just needed to get that off my chest.

My question is, if I have a misscarrige before the scan what happens with a miscarrige? If I have a termination they will stop his heartbeat. What will happen? Will I go into what will be labour? Will I have to give birth to a dead baby? Will they let me hold him? Will they let me stay with him for a while?

I am 21 weeks and if he doesn't die in the next 3 weeks I will be 24 weeks pregnant by the time I have to terminate him. Just to be clear I do not want to do this, there is nothing they can do for my baby and I am absolutly devastaed. Im 21 and this is my first child. I was so looking forward to meeting him.

Even as im writing this I feel as though im talking about Someone else. It all seems surreal. I can't believe I am never going to meet my son alive, im never going to hear his first words watch him learn to walk and talk.

my partner is as devastaed as I am, I have no idea how to support him, I can barely process what is happening myself.

Sorry to ramble. I just need to get it off my chest. What will happen if I misscarry him? As in my body and him? And same if I have a termination?

Thanks for reading x

FrillsandLaces Wed 02-Oct-13 19:45:23

Thank you shelly and congratulations! My test was very faint, but its there! I keep checking it because I keep thinking ive just got it wrong! Yes I keep telling myself that im pregnant right now, im so worried. Even if I reach 12 weeks the worry won't go away because it could still go wrong.

Its strange, before i found out I was pregnant with my son I had an awful dream that I gave birth to a premature baby that died, as it turned out my son was premature and he passed away, 3 weeks ago I had a lovely dream where I gave birth to twin boys and everyone thought they were going to die but they didnt, its daft but im hoping my dreams are right and baby is fine, think ill have a heart attack if there's two lol.

I keep getting niggles which i know is normal but i keep running to toilet to check im not bleeding, i suppose that's normal to worry though isnt it.

Thank you and a massive congratulations smile x x x

Shellywelly1973 Wed 02-Oct-13 11:08:57

Congratulations Frills!

I remember this thread as I was so distraught at thevtime of your original post after losing my own baby.

Im now 23 weeks pregnant.

I literally had a panic attack when my pregnancy test came up positive.

I've coped by saying constantly- 'right now this very moment im still pregnant'. Every hour of every day that passes gives me hope. Don't get me wrong, I was so stressed going for my 12 week scan that I couldn't actually speak to sonographer.

Take care of yourself. Live in the moment. I really hope everything works out for you.

Best wishes. X

FrillsandLaces Wed 02-Oct-13 10:55:29

LittleTulip, Thank you. Im full of nerves but Its going to be like this till i know everythings ok. Im so sorry about your son, its awful isnt it, i hope your doing the best you can xxx

BlueSky, Thank you, yes lots of mixed emotions. Im happy but im sad at the same time and im so worried. It is so scary, my dp didnt want to start again with either pregnancies after we had our son. But they both still happened. I wanted to try again straight away, not to replace my son because he cant be replaced but my days have been empty since he died. Nothings ever been the same. I look back and realise how naive i was.

Ive hear about rainbow babies,

I hope your both doing as well as you can be and thank you for reading x x x

LittleTulip Tue 01-Oct-13 21:40:18

Have PM you Blue

BlueSkyandRain Tue 01-Oct-13 21:16:15

So so pleased for you Frills, congratulations smile. Can imagine the mixture of emotions. I have been thinking about whether to try again as I know how hard I would find it. I thankfully have other dcs, was talking to them today and they'd really like us to try again so think we prob will. But it is so scary, isn't it?

LittleTulip I'm so sorry you're walking this path too. It's such early days, you must still be in such shock. please do tell us about your little boy if you would like to. My loss was caused by the placenta coming away with no warning at 36 weeks, I lost a lot of blood and my son was already dead when I got to hospital. He was so beautiful and looked just like his older brother when he was born.

If either of you want to have a look at the rainbow babies thread there are many women on there who have suffered this kind of loss too, it has been such a support for me. Will have a look for the link but its in the conception section (ttc after stillbirth). There are some ladies on there who are pg and others who are trying, but all have some understanding of the grief and fears and all the other emotions.

LittleTulip Tue 01-Oct-13 20:34:25

Crossed for you not from!

LittleTulip Tue 01-Oct-13 20:33:59

Oh Frills been reading this thread and your last post has really made me smile! Many congratulations have everything crossed from you.

I'm still in the early stages of a loss.. My little boy was stillborn 5 weeks today x

FrillsandLaces Tue 01-Oct-13 20:25:06

Thank you everyone, Bluesky im so sorry about your little boy, I bet he was beautiful. If you ever want a chat feel free to pm me x x x

I found out Im pregnant again today, im so so pleased and petrified at the same time. Every little niggle has me worried but I know im bound to feel that way now. Im only 4 weeks so its very early days yet x x x

joanna0211marie Tue 01-Oct-13 19:44:13

You brave brave lady, only have admiration for you, so sorry for your loss xx

BlueSkyandRain Tue 01-Oct-13 19:29:17

I'm so sorry Frills. My ds was stillborn at the beginning of April, and I had a mc a month ago. I hope you have lots of supportive people around you and more good days than bad. Take care x

escorpion Tue 01-Oct-13 00:44:11

Well know there are lots of women thinking about you. You are so strong and brave to have got through this and written about it to help others. x

FrillsandLaces Tue 01-Oct-13 00:35:12

Thank you, same as I was when my son died tbh, I had a miscarrige in July so its all gone down hill. But I do have my good days thank you for asking xxx

lighthousesea Mon 30-Sep-13 21:11:55

Thinking of you.

escorpion Sun 29-Sep-13 19:18:07

bless your heart, sending you so much love your way. How are you doing? x

FrillsandLaces Sun 29-Sep-13 05:01:37

This thread is 7 months old now, its the first time ive been back on here since I wrote my last post. Thank you everyone for your kind words. I really appreciated it at the time and reading through it all has made me cry all over again. Thank you everyone you were a lot of help x x x

TeaMakesItAllPossible Mon 18-Mar-13 15:55:58

I'm so sorry Frills, thinking of you, your family and your very Darling Son.

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Mon 18-Mar-13 15:48:04

So sorry OP.

nectarini1983 Mon 18-Mar-13 15:42:45

So sorry for you all. Bless your hearts xx

MerryMingeWhingesAgain Mon 18-Mar-13 07:40:56

So sorry Frills. Thinking of you and you little boy x

Bakingtins Mon 18-Mar-13 07:16:54

Frills I am so sorry. Thanks for updating us, I'm glad you got to meet him and say goodbye properly. I hope that's a comfort to you in the days to come.

Shellywelly1973 Sun 17-Mar-13 22:06:25

Im so sorry. I have watched this thread&wondered how you were doing...

Take care. Sending you love&hugs. Wishing you strength for Tuesday.

ImpatientOne Sun 17-Mar-13 21:58:38

So sorry Frills sad

Wishing you love and strength for Tuesday xxx

SarahJinx Sun 17-Mar-13 21:50:02

So so sorry Frills, so glad that you got to meet him. I can't imagine your pain, holding your hand though x

TheSecondComing Sun 17-Mar-13 21:49:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piemistress Sun 17-Mar-13 21:46:01

So sorry for your loss, big hugs xxx

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