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Waiting to miscarry -- stay at home, or not?

(30 Posts)
TomboyWife Sun 10-Feb-13 12:52:30

I should be seven weeks. A scan on Friday showed a gestational sac measuring bang on for seven weeks, but an embryo that was only five weeks. We were told to come back in ten days but that the embryo had probably stopped developing a couple of weeks ago.

I've been having AF-like cramps for several days, and this morning I've got what looks like day one of a period. I've been through this once before and I know what's happening. My dilemma is, should I stay at home until it's all over, or should I go about my business? Last time I got bleeding at this level several days before I actually miscarried and I had a couple of hours' warning of "the main event". But I've also read stories of women miscarrying very suddenly.

Any advice from others who've been in the same situation? Having it happen in the loo at (my very male-dominated) work is a terrifying thought, but I also don't want to make lame excuse after lame excuse for why I'm not in the office.

TomboyWife Tue 19-Feb-13 10:54:33

Well, joy of joys, I had to have the ERPC anyway. The EPU's scan showed a few retained products, though the surgeon who did the ERPC said afterward that she hadn't been able to get much out, so it sounds like I could've safely skipped the op. (To be fair, they did ask me beforehand if I wanted expectant management and I effectively said "** expectant management", so it was 100% my decision to go ahead.)

NorksAreMessy Sun 17-Feb-13 21:53:32

So sorry Tomboy sad

spanky2 Sun 17-Feb-13 18:52:22

I am sorry sad

TomboyWife Sun 17-Feb-13 18:50:17

Well, as Sod's Law would have it, I've just miscarried naturally. It wasn't as painful as my first one, but I'd been hoping to avoid it altogether.

The EPU said that if this happened I should go in tomorrow morning for (yet) another scan to see if I still need the ERPC. My hunch is that I won't, but I guess we'll know for sure tomorrow.

NorksAreMessy Sat 16-Feb-13 18:09:25

I love the idea of you cheese-skiing.
You could use edam for a helmet, and take inspiration from Wallace and Gromit on the moon.

TomboyWife Sat 16-Feb-13 12:30:33

Norks we're going to take a consolation holiday. Not sure of the details yet; ideas so far include skiing, drinking litres of beer in Bavaria, and various other non-pregnancy-friendly activities. I guess if we go skiing in France we could bury ourselves in unpasteurised cheese as an added bonus.

LostAndScared Fri 15-Feb-13 21:34:52

sorry to hear about your loss, i would suggest to stay at home, i was in the same situation 5weeks ago, i had no choice but to go into work and it was the worst mistake, you dont have any time to fully accept what is happening and you cant concentrate on tasks at hand,

NorksAreMessy Fri 15-Feb-13 21:09:24

Still rubbish though sad
Have you anything lovely planned to look forward to?

TomboyWife Fri 15-Feb-13 19:18:00

I'm booked in for an ERPC on Monday. Feeling very relieved that this is all going to be over in three days.

TomboyWife Thu 14-Feb-13 22:36:30

DH is around constantly as he has his own business and works from home. If/when it all kicks off, he'll be here.

NorksAreMessy Thu 14-Feb-13 21:06:12

tom you are sounding very strong and calm. Is anyone looking after you?

TomboyWife Thu 14-Feb-13 18:06:35

Norks I've been working full 8-hour days from home, the better to keep work's good will while I'm waiting around for things to happen.

I've decided to go back to the EPU tomorrow morning and ask for an ERPC. I imagine they won't have a slot until sometime next week, by which point I may have miscarried naturally, but at least it puts a worst-case end date on the situation.

NorksAreMessy Wed 13-Feb-13 20:56:26

say grrr as many times as you like tom this is utter crappy bolloxy rubbish. sad
what have you been doing with yourself today? anything nice or did you potter and snooze (my perfect day)

TomboyWife Wed 13-Feb-13 19:32:36

Grrr, nothing's happening! I'm still bleeding like day one of a period, I've still got mild period pain type cramps, I'm still at home, and I want this to be over!

I might phone the EPU tomorrow morning, though I'm guessing they'll say either wait, or spend all morning getting another scan and then wait. The miscarriage leaflet from this particular EPU doesn't mention medical management -- the only two options they discuss are waiting and ERPC. At this point I'd rather avoid the ERPC if possible.

Grrr. Wait, I've already said that. Never mind, I'm saying it again. sad

spanky2 Tue 12-Feb-13 11:23:55

I'mglad work are being supportive . Sending you a virtual hug .thanks

NorksAreMessy Tue 12-Feb-13 05:57:51


TomboyWife Mon 11-Feb-13 18:05:45

Norks I'm gradually getting bloodier and crampier, but it's still only like day one of a period. I think it might be a while before I miscarry, but fortunately work were understanding (I offered to give details if they wanted them, but so far nobody's asked).

NorksAreMessy Mon 11-Feb-13 13:16:30

tom, i am just checking in to see how you are feeling

Irishmammybread Mon 11-Feb-13 00:11:40

Sorry to everyone who's suffered a loss and found their way onto a miscarriage thread.
Tomboy I agree with the advice to stay at home,apart from the unpredictability of the physical symptoms it's such a difficult thing to go through emotionally and waiting for it to happen is stressful. Give yourself a bit of time and space in comfortable and familiar surroundings. I've had three mc, all different in their progress ,but the last one at 12 weeks started with cramping before any bleeding, and when the bleeding started it was sudden and very dramatic, I was glad I was near the bathroom.
Like Norks I was open about my miscarriages with my boss, though with me people had to know I was pregnant initially due to the nature of my job so I couldn't really hide it. For me it helped that people knew and when I talked about it I was surprised how many others had suffered pregnancy loss, it seems to be a slightly taboo subject . Having said that everyone is different, my DH didn't tell anyone at his work because he felt it was easier to cope that way.
Blackholes my early mc was at 6 weeks and it was like a heavy, more painful period with clots but no recognisable sac. I actually went into work during it, like you because I felt guilty about having so much time off for the previous mc and I thought this early it couldn't be too bad.Not clever, I ended up keeling over and was signed off work by the GP. Dizzy spells lasted about 2 weeks.
I think sick time for pregnancy related illness is treated differently to normal sick leave? But I could be wrong.
Even an early loss can hit you very hard emotionally so look after yourself x

TomboyWife Sun 10-Feb-13 21:34:29

Norks if he asks for more information I'll be forthcoming, it's just that I think the details would make him uncomfortable.

NorksAreMessy Sun 10-Feb-13 20:37:42

tomboy can you say to your boss 'I am losing a baby' it is true and real and very sad.
Why prevaricate, why lie, why deny him the chance to be sympathetic and share hs own experience, why deny the existence of your baby?
When I had my miscarriages and started to tell people, I was amazed and overwhelmed with the support I received.

Stay at home, do what you want to do and allow yourself time to grieve and to recover.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 10-Feb-13 20:28:42

Sorry to hear your news op flowers

Hope you don't mind me piggy backing on your thread to say, I had a mc at just over 6 weeks and it was physically very painful plus I passed the sac and felt dizzy/sick/devastated. I'm mc-ing again but only about 5 weeks. Will it be easier/more like just a late period? I can't take any more time off sad

TomboyWife Sun 10-Feb-13 20:12:03

Thanks for the advice everyone. I was hoping things would progress further today; my guess is that it'll be mid-week at least before this is all over. In any case, I'll tell my boss I have medical issues which mean I have to stay at home for the next few days. Hopefully he won't press for more detail than that.

leelteloo Sun 10-Feb-13 15:48:53

SO sorry this is happening to you. i would stay home; I had 1 natural mc and 1 dnc and the natural one was v painful, loads of blood and contractions. Ended up with dh driving me to A&E: they were next to useless and being away from home was a mistake as the pads couldn't contain the flow. Sorry if this is tmi but I wouldn't want you going through what I did at work.

GuppieK Sun 10-Feb-13 15:40:38

I would also stay home for a couple of days then reassess. Mine have all happened at night thankfully but have come on quickly. Really sorry you're going through this. It is gutting.

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