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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Constantly sad :(

5 replies

DMcGregor1984 · 08/02/2013 07:56

Hi everyone,
New to this, I had a miscarriage last September which just about tore me apart, all I seem to so is cry for the daftest wee thing, a member of my family is due around about the same time as me, and it's just about killing me, I know that probably sounds selfish...my partner keeps on saying 'you'll be fine' and that's just about it (the pregnancy wasn't even planned in the first place)...I'm just getting to a point that I'm so frustrated and getting annoyed with myself, I've started to see a counsellor last week, but I was wondering if anyone else can offer some advice on how to deal with this?

Thanks!

D x

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Bakingtins · 08/02/2013 08:28

Seeing a counsellor sounds like a positive step, particularly if your partner is not being sympathetic. It must be very hard if someone close to you is at the same stage of pregnancy and you are having to watch them.
I had my 2nd MC in September, and I think I've dealt with it better this time round, partly it wasn't such a shock, and partly I learned first time that you need to allow yourself to grieve or you get 'stuck' somewhere in the process and never get to the stage of accepting what has happened. It sounds like maybe this is what has happened to you and the counsellor should be able to help you move on.
I have found it very helpful to have something tangible to say goodbye to the baby - nothing formal, can be just you if your partner doesn't want to participate. Plant a tree, release a balloon, write a poem - let all your feelings about it out and then let them go.
I hope you are able to reach your peace with what happened soon.

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MeHaveOne · 08/02/2013 08:49

Hi D

I think it's totally normal to feel this way...I had a traumatic ectopic last summer and am still struggling with it; a friend of mine is due around the same time that I would have been (in the next few weeks) and although I'm over the moon for her, and would not wish this on anyone, I can't help but hurt every time I see her. I've seen a counsellor and talked to a friend who had several miscarriages, and I've learned that everyone reacts differently. Some people move on quickly, others take time. And I think the feelings can come and go. I found the counselling helpful, and if you're not getting the support you need from your partner, can you tell him? Is he hurting too? My husband doesn't like talking about things, it's his way of dealing with it...but I have to talk and cry. We sort of agree a happy medium. Or have you a close friend or relative who you can have as your 'go to' when you're feeling down? But don't beat yourself up for not 'getting over it' - this is part of the process! Dealing with any type of miscarriage is tough.You will get there, I promise. Take care.

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DMcGregor1984 · 08/02/2013 13:15

Thanks for your kind words, it's good to know that this is normal, I honestly thought I was going crazy, I'm going to sit my partner down and attempt to find out what he's feeling too, I know we all deal with things differently, will let you know how I get on...

Thanks again!

D x

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Quodlibet · 18/02/2013 13:58

I think it's common with MC to think rationally that you 'should' be her it by now even if you are not. A MC is a bereavement of sorts and as such you will likely grieve, emotions move at their own pace and wear you out. I agree with the poster above who talks about getting stuck if you dont allow the process to happen. I am finding that I still feel like I have no emotional immune system 2 months after mine, and my emotions are totally unpredictable and very strange to me. It can take a long time it seems. I am glad you are getting counselling support - I am waiting to start this too.