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Please help - I feel lost x

(192 Posts)
Mummytothearkbuilder Sun 03-Feb-13 11:32:37

I posted on here last week as I had been anxious since I got my BFP and had some lovely reassuring responses.

My HCG level had been re-tested last week and come back all good so was looking forward to my early scan that I had booked hoping to see the heartbeat for full reassurance.

We went yesterday and after an abdominal and internal scan the guy said he couldn't see a heartbeat - just a sac and foetus with no heartbeat - we were devastated and spoke to our local maternity unit who said we go to A&E and they will re-do bloods however they came back increased (from 17866 on 30th Jan to 20202) so we were given a small glimmer of hope.

Just been for a wee and have some brown discharge so I guess the sonographer was right. I am so sad hmm I don't know how I should act or what to do - I am scared of what is to come and passing the baby (because that's what it is to me - I can't rationalise it as some cells that didn't form properly).

I desperately wanted another baby and a sibling for my little boy - he is 4 in April and I was already worried about a big age gap.

Please help me xxx

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 00:17:54

Blackholesandrevelations thanks I'm trying just emotionally drained atm, hope to get over it all soon tho as I want some kind of normality back in my life (hope that doesn't sound awful)

mummy my heart goes out to you, I'm feeling pretty scared now after reading your experience, I'm just glad that someone was with you

forgossake this is the first time I've been on here I just felt like I needed to speak to someone that's going through the same thing

Kat I'm really glad to hear that you successfully went onto conceive your four year old after mc that really gives me hope

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 00:21:07

Can I ask as my children were from a previous relationship and my mc was with my fiancé (current partner) is there any correlation? He's very concerned that he's to blame and worries that we may not conceive, he's doesn't have children.

I wanted put his mind at ease

Mummytothearkbuilder Sat 16-Feb-13 03:22:44

Fod - so sorry I have scared you - I really really didn't mean to. I think I wrote that post in a bit of shock really!! I sort of knew what to expect from the lovely ladies on here and after the scan on the morning knew it could happen at anytime but when it did I was still completely floored. I literally couldn't leave the bathroom and that's what I can't get over - the force of it. I ended up setting up camp in there - I had - stock of heavy duty pads, über strong painkillers, magazine (didn't read it though), DH and a blanket / dressing gown (i am always cold).

Since it all finished (and for me it lasted about 4hrs) the bleeding is light in comparison and the pain so much easier to handle.

I hope that makes it slightly better - again I am so sorry for scaring you - I really didn't mean to - I just posted when it had literally just finished and like I said think I was in shock and just needed to vent / write it all down.


TheAccidentalExhibitionist Sat 16-Feb-13 07:34:02

Glad the worst is over mummy please speak to the GP to see if you need iron tablets.
fod we were told by the MC specialist that sperm problems account for about 3% of recurrent MCs, by recurrent I mean 3+. The vast majority of one off MCs are due to an unviable foetus. I think you and your fiancée can rest assured that its just be of those things, as terrible as it is to go through, it's no-ones fault.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 16-Feb-13 07:40:26

The pain for me was like labour pains and then when I passed the sac I was physically and emotionally drained but the pain had all but gone.

Re: new partner, my third and fourth pregnancies ended in mc but were with same partner as first two beautifully uneventful and successful ones. Not sure at this stage if partner is a factor or not. Probably/hopefully not.

Katnisscupcake Sat 16-Feb-13 08:39:27

Mummy, if you don't want to wait until Friday, go to your gp and have a blood test. Once your hcg level drops to around 20, they shouldn't need to scan you again as they would class you as no longer pregnant. That's what happened to me. Mine went up and down and then finally after nearly 2 weeks of not passing any significant clots, I did pass some heavier bleeding and the following day they took the bloods and they were down to 23 from 89. So it was over. If you've passed clots that you've described, I imagine your bloods will tell you what you need to know.

Fod, please don't think that it is anything to do with your new fiance and try and reassure him. Sad as it sounds apparently mcs are now at 1 in 3 pregnancies and that isn't counting those people not ttc who just think they are having late periods! It is just amamespeciallysage to your body that there was maybe something wrong with the baby or that your body isn't quite ready. In my case, because I got pg first month, I almost viewed it as a practice run... sad but that was my way of dealing with it.

Also, another sad fact is how many people you know would have gone through this, thatyout didn't know about. 2 of my 3 sisters have had them, one of them has had two, but both of them have since had healthy dcs. Since then nearly every friend that I have has had a mc. Unfortunately it's not unusual.

Both look after yourselves. Xxxxx

Mummytothearkbuilder Sat 16-Feb-13 12:29:03

Thanks Kat - that sounds like a good idea and will bring some closure to it earlier than Friday.

I can't believe how shattered I am today - I am so naive, I thought i would be up this morning - but of shopping in town, clean the house - normal Saturday stuff but I haven't even been been able to get dressed - I did attempt it but thought I was going to faint hmm DH has put me in bed and taken DS to the farm. How long am I going to feel like this? Xx

Katnisscupcake Sat 16-Feb-13 12:55:06

With my first Mc which sounds similar to yours, I was ok in a couple of days after passing the clots. Maybe rest today and try the farm for an hour or so tomorrow. Just be prepared for emotion if you see pregnant women, I found that hard. X

Mummytothearkbuilder Sat 16-Feb-13 13:00:20

Thanks Kat - my DS was getting cabin fever so a trip to the farm should tire him out! They have a lovely farm shop so hopefully DH will get something nice for dinner!

Just answered the door to the postman delivering some beautiful flowers from my friends at work - so nice of them xx

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 16-Feb-13 14:20:23

I'd lay low for a few days mummy. I had just over a week off work (first mc happened in Christmas holidays) and children were at normal childcare for most of it. I did jobs around my house to keep busy but needed that time just for myaelf. Don't expect too much of yourself. I too was upset when I first saw pregnant ladies, and walking through town I heard a newborn baby cry and it made me burst into tears! It's crazy and unexpected. Look after yourself and savour the you-time x

Katnisscupcake Sat 16-Feb-13 15:31:54

Ahhh how lovely of your friends to send you flowers. As blackholes said, look after yourself. Xxx

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 16:07:14

Thanks so much for your input, I really appreciate helps more than you could ever know, I'm hurting at the moment but a huge part of me wants to look to the future (as scary a prospect as that may be at the moment) Mummy don't feel bad you didn't scare me - its the unknown I'm finding frightening, just want it to be over with now. I hope you feel better soon -our thoughts are with you xxxxxx

Mummytothearkbuilder Sat 16-Feb-13 18:47:55

Thanks ladies - I managed to have a bath and wash my hair - it took me about 3 hours but at least I look vaguely human - I'm ready for bed again now!! Hopefully I will be able to venture outside for a bit tomorrow - even if its just to my mums - from my sofa to hers!

Thinking of you fod - are you waiting until it happens naturally or do you have an appt to discuss other options at any point? They were going to give me a week before medical intervention xxx

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 18:59:17

They have given me until the 27th to let it happen naturally, I have to ring the EPU once it's happened or if it fails to do so. My fiancé wants us to see our GP to go through the options again...think that's more for his concerns than mine.

You enjoy your sofa time, relax, open the wine and chocs xxxx

Katnisscupcake Sat 16-Feb-13 19:24:45

Mummy, glad you're feeling a bit more human. It's amazing how welcoming a bath can be...

Fod, I really hope that it happens naturally for you. The main reason that I say that is that when I had the second mc last year, they said that if they had to give me the drugs to 'end' the pregnancy, they recommend that you don't try again for at least 3 months. Something to do with the medication being quite toxic, it's similar to what they use for chemo. I think the other option is that they remove it with surgery. They did that with my sister and she was pg again not long after.

It could be that this might have been because they thought mine was ectopic, but it's worth checking all of this out. I had no idea... I was more worried because I am 38 already, 39 in June and so I couldn't afford to wait 6 months...

I hope that you are both doing ok and I hope I haven't scared you but you need to make sure you get all the information.

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 19:35:37

Thanks all info is welcomed, it wasn't ectopic although now I know this if it doesn't happen naturally we may have to look into having the op... Have you started ttc? My aunt has just had her third at 41 and she's a beautiful and healthy little girl, hope that helps xxxx

Katnisscupcake Sat 16-Feb-13 20:06:12

Hi fod, been ttc since the mc last July and no luck. 3 friends have announced their pgs this year already and i'm having to avoid them, i'm so gutted...

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 20:49:10

Kat that must be awful for you...I've had to remove friends posts from my Facebook newsfeed as it seems they are all pregnant, I can't bear to see their scan pics and happy announcements etc (of course they are all over the moon and rightly so) I just can't be happy for then, I know that sounds selfish and bitter but its the truth

Have you been recording your cycles and using ov tests etc? Xx

Mummytothearkbuilder Sat 16-Feb-13 22:03:08

I know how you ladies feel - one of my friends is due in a couple of weeks - I am so so happy for her but it still hurts hmm. She was one of the people who knew I was pregnant and we had been planning our maternity leave together hmm (we would have been off for a few months together)

We want to start trying straight away but I am so worried about my cycles - they are so irregular - I came of cerezette in June and must have conceived in December and in that time had 3 periods - one cycles was 65 days long - feel like it could take ages to conceive again hmm

fod27 Sat 16-Feb-13 22:21:14

We used ovulation testing kits, my cycles too were irregular after coming off the implant but the nurse said as long as I was having cycles I must be ovulating, we got through loads of kits but it made me feel more in control of what was going on. I came off in July and we conceived late nov, prior to the mc.

I recommend it, we plan to do it the same way next time. Did lots of research but I think you tend to (a bit obsessive maybe) but it helped me. We were told to try every other day half way through my cycle and on the day of ovulation a couple of times a day -something to do with fresh sperm, sorry to be graphic - she also recommended positions and what to do post copulation (mainly lying on your back with your legs in the air for twenty minutes- we Los had to cut out caffeine, alcohol, smoking, sugar etc and exercise regularly

But then again I have a sister that drinks and smokes like a trooper and she gets caught straight away!

Don't think there's any rule book but when you want it soooo badly your prepared to try anything xxxx

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 17-Feb-13 08:46:02

One of my friends got her positive test a few days before I did... We would have been pretty much at exactly the same stage. It'll be hard seeing her as she progresses BUT I fully hope to be pg again before she gives birth. We are waiting for a few months just so I can get myself back on an even keel, but will try again. I have cut out caffeine and rarely drink these days, but eat loads of sweets! How does sugar affect ttc?

Good luck ladies xx

How are you feeling today mummy?

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 17-Feb-13 08:46:53

And fod? Xx

fod27 Sun 17-Feb-13 11:18:15

A bit better but then I remember what's to come, I have a twinge and think 'this is it' then nothing ;( it's like I'm stuck in some weird time zone - cant move forward and can't look back.

I'm not quite sure I found it on the net, I searched for help with conception and there were 7 tips. It may all be hocus pocus ( I've friends that eat like there's no tomorrow and they conceived quite easily) but there's a risk of preeclampsia too with weight gain so I suppose its just a matter of being healthy.

I recommend you check it out though.... Just made me feel more in control of things, think that's a some kind of coping mechanism. I'd love to be pg around what would of been my due date, think it will make it emotionally easier to handle.
Hope your all ok my thoughts are with you xxxx

Mummytothearkbuilder Sun 17-Feb-13 11:39:26

Hi ladies hope you are okay today. I just feeling so shattered still - I feel like I will never physically feel normal again (I know that sounds so dramatic!!). I seems to be bleeding more today - joy!!

I was on a health kick before all this in a bid to help is conceive so I am going to go back on that once all this is over - at the moment I am consuming far too much chocolate / cake but its medicinal!! I am doing the couch to 5k and on a calorie controlled diet - it all helps me maintain control and feel like I'm doing the best I can to help us conceive. I am not trying to put pressure on but would love to be pregnant when I would have been due - I think it will help me cope with the emotions I will be feeling when the due date approaches - my son is starting school when I would have been due so that will be a distraction too.

Hope you all have a nice Sunday - I am attempting to go out - hoping some fresh air will help and it would be nice to actually get dressed rather than spend all my time in PJs!! Xxxx

fod27 Sun 17-Feb-13 14:48:28

mummy we could be the same person! We have decided to venture out too, taking the kids to a farm hopefully that too will be a distraction. Let's hope we are all pregnant around what should have been our due dates think it will defo help with the emotional side of things. I may be putting the pressure but to be fair that's how it happened last time too xxx

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