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Please help - I feel lost x

(192 Posts)
Mummytothearkbuilder Sun 03-Feb-13 11:32:37

I posted on here last week as I had been anxious since I got my BFP and had some lovely reassuring responses.

My HCG level had been re-tested last week and come back all good so was looking forward to my early scan that I had booked hoping to see the heartbeat for full reassurance.

We went yesterday and after an abdominal and internal scan the guy said he couldn't see a heartbeat - just a sac and foetus with no heartbeat - we were devastated and spoke to our local maternity unit who said we go to A&E and they will re-do bloods however they came back increased (from 17866 on 30th Jan to 20202) so we were given a small glimmer of hope.

Just been for a wee and have some brown discharge so I guess the sonographer was right. I am so sad hmm I don't know how I should act or what to do - I am scared of what is to come and passing the baby (because that's what it is to me - I can't rationalise it as some cells that didn't form properly).

I desperately wanted another baby and a sibling for my little boy - he is 4 in April and I was already worried about a big age gap.

Please help me xxx

ginmakesitallok Tue 12-Feb-13 20:01:35

Thinking of you, it's shit. I had 2 MCs between dd1 and dd2, both at about 8 weeks. Falling pregnant after second was scary. I was so sure I was going to mc again, but that pregnancy was really straightforward.

Be kind to yourself x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 12-Feb-13 20:08:38

You sound exactly like me a fortnight ago Mummy. Please take time of work, I just hid for days. There is no way i could have worked. My one other piece of advice is to tell your nearest and dearest. My family and closest friends have really helped me through this. The ones who I feel most comfortable with have held my hand whilst I've cried, and the others have rallied round, got me moving and got me to socialise, and not put a brave face on, but just try a little harder to smile and talk.
Mr doctor told me to keep the pg quiet until 12 weeks, but telling people made it more real for me, and the support I have had has been phenomenal.

Mummytothearkbuilder Tue 12-Feb-13 21:00:21

Thank you ladies - your help and advice means so much to me - its so sad that so many of us go through this.

My parents and in-laws have been really supportive and my close friends are amazing too - I feel very lucky to have them. I have had to tell my Line Manager and there is no pressure to come back on Thursday (I work Tuesday - Thursday) which is good. I thought going back tomorrow would help me distract from the situation but I think now I understand that I can't distract from it forever and have to accept things before I can move forward (hope that doesn't sound too corny). I don't think I could have put in a front for the whole day without it cracking at some point!

Thank you again - you guys are really helping me through this xxx

ImpatientOne Tue 12-Feb-13 22:27:52

Glad you've got some good RL support and that the pressure's off with work for a bit. Put yourself first for now x

Katnisscupcake Wed 13-Feb-13 09:42:44

Just checking in Mummy to see how you're doing.

With my last MC in July last year, it took some time for it all to be over. Had to have bloods taken about 7 times all in all over 2 weeks because the HCG would rise slightly, then fall again. They think mine might have been ectopic so that brings a whole new world of worry to next time, what we put ourselves through hey? smile But strangely I was relieved when it was all over because I could then think about moving on and trying again.

I took 2 weeks off of work, but I think because it took so long... Take as much time as you need.

There's plenty of online and RL support when you want it hun. Be good to yourself. x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Wed 13-Feb-13 10:52:48

Thinking of you Mummy. Holding your hand in my head and praying things go well for you. X

Mummytothearkbuilder Wed 13-Feb-13 12:09:32

Thanks ladies, think it is all starting now - bright red blood and cramps all the time - I am scared about what is to come hmm I don't want to see anything that looks remotely like a sac / yolk - does that make me awful - I just don't look and flush the chain hmm

Think it's going to be a long day x

Mummytothearkbuilder Wed 13-Feb-13 15:18:56

The clots are appearing now - this is horrible hmm x

janey1234 Wed 13-Feb-13 15:25:01

Hi Mummy

You poor, poor thing. I'm so sorry this is happening to you now sad

Very much thinking of you and holding your hand as you go through it.

IME I don't think you will notice anything you don't want to see without looking very carefully; at 12 weeks I just refused to look at anything, just couldn't face it, and managed to not accidentally see anything I didn't want to. I too just didn't look and flushed the chain.

It definitely doesn't make you awful, at all. It's a coping mechanism, and you have to do what you need to in order to get through this awful experience.

Here if you need to chat <hugs>

Mummytothearkbuilder Wed 13-Feb-13 19:36:49

Thank you Janey - I am scared about how much worse its going to get. The clots are coming all the time now.

I'm on my own tomorrow and then Friday is the scan - I know that the scan will just confirm the loss which will be sad to hear but at least after that I will have a plan and me and DH can start moving forward.

Thank you again for all your support - I can't even explain to you guys how much you have helped me. I know I am probably repeating myself constantly but posting on here is helping me so much xxx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Wed 13-Feb-13 19:46:34

Thinking about you Mummy. x

BlackholesAndRevelations Wed 13-Feb-13 20:10:13

I found the clots and cramps coming thick and fast led to the sac passing, and then after that the pain was gone. I hope you're not suffering too much pain for too long sad xx

Flipper924 Wed 13-Feb-13 22:04:28

Hope you're doing ok and are past the worst of it now. x

Mummytothearkbuilder Thu 14-Feb-13 10:09:43

Oh my days I think the pain peaked last night (hoping it did anyway!) I have planted myself on the sofa for the day with a hot water bottle and paracetamol.

I guessing the that EPU will still scan me tomorrow to make sure everything has passed (if that makes sense). X

janey1234 Thu 14-Feb-13 10:49:36

It's surprisingly painful isn't it. Along with the emotion, is a horrible horrible experience sad

Def take it easy on the sofa all day, and for the next few days. I found it a lot more draining physically than I expected, actually...

Take care you x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Thu 14-Feb-13 11:24:49

Yes. Look after yourself and take it easy. X

Mummytothearkbuilder Thu 14-Feb-13 17:03:09

The pain has started again now and the bleeding is heavy - how long will the bleeding go on for? X

janey1234 Thu 14-Feb-13 17:16:36

Mine was about 24 hours of proper pain and ridiculously heavy bleeding, and then another 48 hours of normal period pain and heavy period type bleeding, then it lasted for about another 6 days after that.

But I was 12 weeks gone so maybe it won't drag on quite so much for you? Really hope it doesn't... sad

Mummytothearkbuilder Thu 14-Feb-13 17:38:36

Thanks Janey - I just want it to stop - at the moment it's a constant reminder of the loss. I hope it has all come away naturally and there is no medical intervention needed - I want it over ASAP x

Katnisscupcake Thu 14-Feb-13 18:19:40

Hi hun,

As much as the heavy bleeding is awful, it means that it will be over quickly for you. I was only 5 weeks with my mc last year and it took nearly 3 weeks from beginning to end because i just had light bleeding the whole time which was awful. I know it sounds horrid but i just wanted it to be over so i could try again...

Hang in there hun. Dose yourself up and eat some of your favourite food. How is your dh coping with the emotions of it?


Mummytothearkbuilder Thu 14-Feb-13 18:28:06

I think he is okay - he is being great round the house and looking after DS. He isn't the best at talking about his feelings but I have told him its important that he talks about his feelings to me or anyone else - I don't want him to bottle it up. He is coming to the scan tomorrow and think that will make it all seem more real and final (ish).

He has said that he wants to try again but said whenever I am ready - I don't know if this makes me awful but I want to start trying as soon as we can - it's not that I want to replace this pregnancy with another and forget this one existed but I think it will just help get closure - does that make sense at all? Xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Thu 14-Feb-13 19:46:19

Nothing you think will make you sound awful! I'm the same. Had a total meltdown trying to build up courage to broach the subject of trying again. DP came up trumps again. We're at our most fertile after a MC apparently. Just go for it. X

Mummytothearkbuilder Thu 14-Feb-13 19:54:34

Thanks Saggy - the thought of trying again is helping me through the worst moments - I won't ever forget this pregnancy and as the due date approaches I know it will be on my mind constantly - although my son is starting school around what would have been my due date so that will keep me occupied!! I am going to speak to the drs about trying again but everywhere I have read suggests that there is no reason not to try straight away - it gives me something to focus on and I always need that (I am such a control freak!!) xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Thu 14-Feb-13 19:58:05

My doctor told me to just get on with it! grin
Last one on the Antenatal bus is a rotten egg! <<sprints shags>>

BlackholesAndRevelations Thu 14-Feb-13 20:45:36

We tried again straight away and fell pregnant again straightaway and then I lost it. So not meaning to bring doom but if I was ever to be in this position again I'd definitely wait until next cycle. Sorry sad

As it happens I can't bring myself to want to try again (not for a long time) but everyone's different and there are plenty of success stories out there. Hugs to you, hope you're ok x

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