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Please help - I feel lost x

(192 Posts)
Mummytothearkbuilder Sun 03-Feb-13 11:32:37

I posted on here last week as I had been anxious since I got my BFP and had some lovely reassuring responses.

My HCG level had been re-tested last week and come back all good so was looking forward to my early scan that I had booked hoping to see the heartbeat for full reassurance.

We went yesterday and after an abdominal and internal scan the guy said he couldn't see a heartbeat - just a sac and foetus with no heartbeat - we were devastated and spoke to our local maternity unit who said we go to A&E and they will re-do bloods however they came back increased (from 17866 on 30th Jan to 20202) so we were given a small glimmer of hope.

Just been for a wee and have some brown discharge so I guess the sonographer was right. I am so sad hmm I don't know how I should act or what to do - I am scared of what is to come and passing the baby (because that's what it is to me - I can't rationalise it as some cells that didn't form properly).

I desperately wanted another baby and a sibling for my little boy - he is 4 in April and I was already worried about a big age gap.

Please help me xxx

Mummytothearkbuilder Mon 04-Feb-13 19:04:11

Thanks ladies - I will keep you posted.


P.s - loving the re-creation of the wedding dress friends episode - must have been such fun! Xx

Mummytothearkbuilder Mon 11-Feb-13 20:18:45

I was feeling quite positive today and only had a week to go until the re-scan but started bleeding tonight - not a good sign hmm

Calling the EPU in the morning but I not holding out much hope hmm

I am feeling sad and scared x

ImpatientOne Mon 11-Feb-13 20:32:22

Oh Mummy so sorry to hear that sad

Will be thinking positive thoughts for you x

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Mon 11-Feb-13 20:54:25

Sorry to hear that Mummy,whatever the outcome, be it good or bad, you are not alone. We are here to support you.

Mummytothearkbuilder Mon 11-Feb-13 21:08:39

Thank you - I feel like I am really going to need it hmm

I am trying so hard to still maintain positive but feel like it is a no-go.

You guys have been amazing over the last week - I feel like I will be leaning on you guys over the next few days - hope that's okay hmm xx

Flipper924 Mon 11-Feb-13 21:49:02

I'm available for hand holding, too. I so wish you weren't going through this, the not knowing is agony. Will be thinking of you.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Mon 11-Feb-13 21:50:10

Oh Mummy. sad Its not over yet, try and rest. We're all here. I have everything crossed for you sweetie. xx {{hug}}

Mummytothearkbuilder Mon 11-Feb-13 22:04:06

Thank you ladies - your support is amazing. I have moments when I'm in tears and the next I'm almost forgetting it happening (if that makes sense).

I haven't got any cramping and the bleeding is just when I wipe - I'm expecting it to get worse.

I will let you know what the EPU say - I will call at exactly 9am.

Thank you again - it means so much that you take the time to reply to me xx

ImpatientOne Mon 11-Feb-13 22:11:01

Hope you can get some rest tonight x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Mon 11-Feb-13 22:36:22

We help each other out. It's what MN does. xx
Try and sleep. x

Flipper924 Tue 12-Feb-13 08:23:42

EPU may be open at 8.30, if you can it might be easier to call before they start scanning. Otherwise the number they gave you should be answered 24hrs for advice. Sorry, I realise that I'm a bit late with this 'helpful' advice.

Hope you're ok this morning.

Mummytothearkbuilder Tue 12-Feb-13 09:16:18

I called at 8am but had to leave a message - same as before. Just waiting for them to call back.

The bleeding is still there when I wipe, nothing on the pad - feel like its the start of something bad :-(

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 12-Feb-13 09:38:26

It doesn't have to be bad. There are plenty of stories of people who bled right through and still had healthy babies. Don't give up hope yet. X

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 12-Feb-13 10:27:51

Have you called them back again, don't wait for them to call you, it may take ages.

Mummytothearkbuilder Tue 12-Feb-13 10:54:06

They called back and said they wouldn't re-scan me today. They want to give it a chance to see growth at the next scan and said that the earliest they would re-scan me is Friday, so I have an appointment on Friday at 9am.

She was very honest and said that bleeding isn't a good sign and if it gets heavy or very painful then I should go to A&E. I am trying to remain positive - she said to rest so I am not at work today and not sure about tomorrow or Thursday (I only work p/t). I am trying to remain positive - there is not blood on my pad only when I wipe and I am trying to see that as a positive thing - is that deluded of me?

I hope this doesn't sound awful but when I am feeling really down about it I almost wish I had just got my period and had another month of it not working - I only found out I was pregnant a month ago and it has just been the most roller coaster month I have ever experienced - being so excited about being pregnant and then it being taken away from you almost feels crueler than getting my period and thinking 'oh another month of it not working'. I know I haven't had a loss confirmed yet - I'm just feeling sad hmm

Thanks for all your support - you guys are amazing xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 12-Feb-13 14:43:36

I know EXACTLY what you mean. From day one of finding out I had stress and worry. I'd just managed to start getting excited and stop worrying when it was snatched away. How is that fair? sad
Well you still have hope. Dont let go of that. X

Mummytothearkbuilder Tue 12-Feb-13 16:03:00

Bleeding seems to have picked up a bit - this seems so unfair (I know that sounds selfish). I am feeling really sad hmm

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 12-Feb-13 16:09:58

I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you have company and childcare for the rest of the week?
In terms of practicalities if you are miscarrying you may need some painkillers and some pads.
You WILL get through it and whatever happens, you WILL get over it. Believe me, I'm the voice of experience. X

Mummytothearkbuilder Tue 12-Feb-13 16:22:06

My son is in nursery tomorrow and Thursday as I normally work. I don't know whether to go in or not tomorrow. I am getting the impression from my body that this is it hmm

Will I be able to fall pregnant again and if I do how will I ever feel that excitement of pregnancy that I had with my son?? Xx

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 12-Feb-13 16:43:13

Mummy there is no reason why you couldn't fall pregnant again and go on to have a lovely healthy baby.
Unfortunately you will probably never sail through a subsequent pregnancy in blissful ignorance. You will be more anxious next time.

I would suggest not going into work tomorrow. I've worked though miscarriages because I felt the pressure of my work demanded it. I look back with regret on that now. Take the time your body needs to rest.

Mummytothearkbuilder Tue 12-Feb-13 17:10:17

Thank you - I really hope I can fall pregnant again. I know so many people go through this but I feel so angry that it has happened - I know that sounds selfish.

I don't think I will go into work tomorrow - emotional I feel so low and don't think I could put on a front all day hmm xx

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Tue 12-Feb-13 18:45:59

I think you're making the right decision.
Go get yourself something that you fancy to eat like a big bar of choc and something that you'd like to watch. This helped me tremendously. I used to stick on a funny film while going through miscarriages, it always helped. Sounds wired I suppose but it lightened the experience for me.

Tell your DH and anyone else who is able to give you some support exactly what you think would help and what you'd like them to do. If necessary, go to your GP and get signed off work for a few days.

Mummytothearkbuilder Tue 12-Feb-13 19:25:42

Thanks Accidental - your advice is so helpful. I have contacted work and told them i wont be in tomorrow and hubby has come home with some yummy biccs for me - he is amazing and won't let me do anything - he has done washing and cleaning, made DS pancakes and putting him to bed - then he is cooking dinner. He is being so great especially as its his loss too.

The bleeding is so on and off but the cramps are picking up - the whole thing is so up and down - I just don't know what to expect from this hmm

Thanks again - sorry if I am waffling x

Katnisscupcake Tue 12-Feb-13 19:36:15

So sorry that you are going through this.

I have had two mcs. With the first one it was the first month of ttc and I mcd at 5 weeks. But I got pg again 6 weeks later. You are more fertile for the weeks after an mc. Then I had dd.

Like your ds my ddi is 4 in June and I had another McQueen last July and now I'm desperately ttc again but no luck so far.

Please look after yourself. X

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 12-Feb-13 19:54:01

More hugs from me. I'm going through mc 2 (like katniss, I got pg straight after mc 1). I feel like I never want to go through this again, but hope I change my mind soon enough for us to have our much wanted and planned dc3.

Take care of yourself. I found having time to myself and keeping busy doing crafts etc helped first time round. After nearly two weeks off I felt ready to face the world again xx

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