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Please help - I feel lost x

(192 Posts)
Mummytothearkbuilder Sun 03-Feb-13 11:32:37

I posted on here last week as I had been anxious since I got my BFP and had some lovely reassuring responses.

My HCG level had been re-tested last week and come back all good so was looking forward to my early scan that I had booked hoping to see the heartbeat for full reassurance.

We went yesterday and after an abdominal and internal scan the guy said he couldn't see a heartbeat - just a sac and foetus with no heartbeat - we were devastated and spoke to our local maternity unit who said we go to A&E and they will re-do bloods however they came back increased (from 17866 on 30th Jan to 20202) so we were given a small glimmer of hope.

Just been for a wee and have some brown discharge so I guess the sonographer was right. I am so sad hmm I don't know how I should act or what to do - I am scared of what is to come and passing the baby (because that's what it is to me - I can't rationalise it as some cells that didn't form properly).

I desperately wanted another baby and a sibling for my little boy - he is 4 in April and I was already worried about a big age gap.

Please help me xxx

ImpatientOne Sun 03-Feb-13 11:35:37

Sorry that you are going through this sad

janey1234 Sun 03-Feb-13 11:38:58

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My only advice is to be kind to yourself and take things easy. If you work don't go back too quickly, give yourself time to grieve.

It had a mc at 12 weeks and it takes it out of you more than you expect. But you will get through it, and you will be ok, with time.

Take care

Mummytothearkbuilder Sun 03-Feb-13 12:05:15

Thank you for the replies - I am so scared of not knowing what to expect - how long it will take or how much it will hurt? Its crazy that 24 hours ago we were so full of excitement and so unaware of what was in store - it's hard to imagine ever feeling that excitement again.

Sorry if I sounds over dramatic - I just don't know how to put it into words x

janey1234 Sun 03-Feb-13 12:15:12

How many weeks pregnant were/are you? I can only really tell you for the 12 week stage.
And don't apologise, it's a horrendous experience but you'll find lots of support here as unfortunately so many of us have been through it.

Mummytothearkbuilder Sun 03-Feb-13 12:20:34

The scan put me at 6wk+6d - I thought I was just over 7 but the sonographer measures the baby at 8.5mm which he said was 6wk+6d.

I am so scared x

butterfly86 Sun 03-Feb-13 13:13:19

So sorry you are going through this it's so sad and scary :-( I miscarried for the 3rd time at christmas and felt the same as you I didn't know what to expect as with the previous 2 miscarriages I had surgery. I was 6 weeks when it happened and in my case it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated it was like a heavy period I passed some small "tissuey" bits but not clots as such I had period type cramping but I took paracetamol to ease it, only once did I have strong cramps it came over like a wave I'm guessing like a weak labour pain but after that the cramps eased off and it was just "normal" bleeding after that. It's frightening when you don't know what to expect I was scared to go to the loo, everyone's experience is different but it's likely at this stage it will be like what I had, a heavy period. Just take it easy and I hope it's soon over for you x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Sun 03-Feb-13 16:29:52

Im here, and in the same boat. Physically. it hasnt been bad. an evening of cramps, and lighter bleeding than I expected. Ive been using max absorbancy night tim pads and they are more than adequate.
Mentally, I feel like Ive been hit by a truck. Take your time, rest and let yourself be taken care of. xxx

Mummytothearkbuilder Sun 03-Feb-13 17:13:15

Thank you so much for your replies A it helps so much xx

Saggy - I so sorry to hear you are going through it - I followed your thread when you discovered you were pregnant and you posted on my thread last week when I was worried.

I haven't had anymore brown stuff - it was a very small amount (about the size of the top of a screw) when I wiped. I just don't know what to think? I am scared to go to the toilet in case I find something horrible - I have a bit of lower backache but other than the emotional side of things feel fine. I am generally a control freak anyway so this time of unknown is driving me crazy hmm I feel in my heart of hearts it's not going to go our way though xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Sun 03-Feb-13 19:18:26

Hang in there Mummy. x

TrudyW Sun 03-Feb-13 20:22:27

Hi there, very sorry for your loss. I understand your thoughts about the age gap, my son is 3 this month so when we found out we were expecting again I thought my age gap was all sorted, our baby would have been due at the end of April, we lost baby in October at 13weeks. Originally we wanted to wait a while for a baby after our son due to hard pregnancy and very difficult birth complications, very long story but I thought baby would have left me enough time to recover from my son and timing was great but obviously not meant to be. We have started to try again but with no success so far and I'm sad that my son will most likely be 4 by the time another baby may come along but on the other hand I think god as long as I get the chance to have another healthy baby does it matter how far apart they are? Some things u just don't plan, although I originally thought u could, I never thought this could happen to me and it has literally killed my husband and I but the pain is getting easier to manage, I just hope we do get that chance to have another baby and we don't have to wait too long. Have my fingers crossed that things do go your way, look after yourself :-)

fatasbutter Sun 03-Feb-13 20:32:58

Hi mummy I'm sorry you are going through this - it is awful and scary but don't panic - if you have a lot of bleeding or pain you can ring the EPU or A&E for advice and they may ask you to come if the bleeding is heavy - be kind to yourself and have lots of nice things like hot chocolate!

I am currently waiting for a week until a rescan after having a 'pregnancy of unknown location' and high hcg, progesterone and no signs of ectopic. The scan showed a sac about 2 weeks behind where I thought I was so its probably a blighted ovum, but of course you hear miracle tales of people going back and seeing a heartbeat etc - it's never goin to be the case for me though as the dates are too far out. I also had a mmc in march last year, so I'm feeling pretty pissed off and fed up with it all.

Like you trudy I have now had 2 periods of thinking my ds would have a close age gap with a potential sibling, but now i begin to wonder if he'll have a sibling at all sad

TrudyW Sun 03-Feb-13 21:37:00

It really is a shitty time for us all, I'm just holding onto the hope that one day we will get the chance to have another baby but I can't imagine ever having a calm, easy going pregnancy, I'll be constantly worried and anxious and don't think I'll be able to let myself be excited at all, how do u deal with that, seems such a cruel situation to be in, wishing us all lots of luck in the close future x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Sun 03-Feb-13 21:49:52

Agree. I look a this pregnancy now and spot loads of indicators. I don't think I can do this again without worrying about every little thing the whole time. Part of me dreads doing this again, and the other part is desperate to try again!

TrudyW Sun 03-Feb-13 22:02:24

Me too, I'm so worried but I have always wanted a big family, 4 children I've always hoped for! So I feel I have to try again although I already know it won't be easy. My main feeling is to not get attached to the pregnancy then if I miscarry maybe it won't hurt as much but then am I likely to miscarry if I just put it to the back of my mind?? It's so confusing. I had no signs with mine, there was just no heartbeat at the scan, I was amazed! And still I didn't start to lose anything until after I had 2oral pills then 4internal pills, finally the baby then started to come away.

Mummytothearkbuilder Sun 03-Feb-13 23:18:16

Thanks for the replies - I'm so sorry about your experiences hmm

Its so hard to come to terms with the fact that just a few days ago were so excited and thinking about the next few months and getting ready for the new arrival and then suddenly it's all taken away from you hmm

I still haven't had anymore bleeding or pain so not really sure what is going on xx

Mummytothearkbuilder Mon 04-Feb-13 09:10:19

I have spoken to the early pregnancy unit and they are re-scanning me at 10:30am - I am so scared - I feel it's to confirm the worst but I am so scared about what happens after that - physically and emotionally - how do we move past this - when will we feel happy and normal again? hmm

janey1234 Mon 04-Feb-13 09:21:21

Good luck for half ten.

And you will feel happy and normal again, I promise. That's not to say you 'get over it'; of course you don't, and I will never forget the little soul that lived inside me for three months. But you do, eventually, go back to feeling normal. It took me a long time, if I'm honest. But I got there. I had some counselling through a work scheme which really helped me, and it was offered by my hospital too. If they offer it to you, it might be worth taking it up. It just helped for someone to say that yes, I was grieving, and that yes, I was allowed to be desperately sad about the death of someone who had never even been born.

I've seen some of you talking about how you'd feel if you were pregnant again. For me, I have relaxed a bit now I've passed the 12 week point (when things went wrong last time, and I'm 18 weeks now) and have other people on here saying that once they passed the point they miscarried the previous time they were able to relax more. That's not to say I don't worry now, of course I do, but I think I would do anyway. But you get through the worry and carry on. It's all you can do, really.

Thinking of you today x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Mon 04-Feb-13 10:33:17

Holding your hand Mummy.

Mummytothearkbuilder Mon 04-Feb-13 14:15:53

Thank you all so much - it means so much that you take the time to reply to me and helped so much when I was at my appointment as my DH couldn't come with me (I took my mum).

The situation is slightly different - she externally and internally scanned me and saw a pregnancy sac and yolk with a strong blood supply going to it - so she said it is feeding something - she put me a absolutely no more than 5.5 weeks and said what she can see is normal for a 5 week pregnancy. I have to carry on with everything I have been doing (folic acid etc) and get re-scanned in 2 weeks when we should see something.

She was seriously unimpressed with the private scan we had - she has kept all the info to show her colleague - I'm not sure whether to email them - if i had followed their advice i would have gone to hospital for medication or surgery but could be carrying an okay pregnancy. What do you guys think?

I am so emotionally drained - I am happy that she has confirmed nothing has died in me which is what I was really struggling with but the next 2 weeks seems like a lifetime away.

Thank you for being here for me this weekend - we would never have got through this weekend without you guys xxx

janey1234 Mon 04-Feb-13 14:19:54

Oh Mummy, that's great news. Have got absolutely everything crossed for you that all goes well over the next two weeks. x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Mon 04-Feb-13 14:23:21

Oh Mummy I am praying that everything is ok for you. xxxx

Imnotaslimjim Mon 04-Feb-13 14:28:32

Good to hear that things are as they should be, but I'm thinking you might want to let the private scan people know that theirs was wrong. They can't correct it if they don't know!

fatasbutter Mon 04-Feb-13 16:44:45

Fingers crossed for you mummy smile

TrudyW Mon 04-Feb-13 17:35:02

What amazing news, I do so hope that your little bean is still there, healthy and growing well, have my fingers crossed for u, keep us updated.
Also congratulations Janey on your pregnancy, gives me hope it'll be me again one day!
On another note, had a fab day today, lots of laughter that I haven't had for the past few months, my friend is getting married in June and we've just been casually re-creating the friends episode "The one with all the wedding dresses" what must the neighbours think haha
Good luck to everyone here x

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