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Is it meant to be this hard?

(73 Posts)
SaggyOldClothCatpuss Fri 01-Feb-13 21:07:37

It was confirmed yesterday that I was miscarrying at 7 weeks. I was totally inconsolable. The doctor looked at me like I was mental! I'm a little calmer today, but it just keeps hitting me again, like a blow to the guts. My friend was being lovely, and offered a girly night and a bottle of cherry brandy. The fact that I can drink it now hit me WHAM!
I feel like a total fraud, I was 7 weeks, it was a cluster of cells pretty much, my poor sister lost her dd at 38 weeks! But I just can't get my head round this. I've been lurking in cyber space all day, pretending, but even Mumsnet isn't a safe place to hide anymore! I really need to pull myself together don't I?!

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Mon 04-Feb-13 22:44:56

Thank you. It really really helps to hear other people's experiences. I'm just sad that anyone has to go through this.
I'm stressing again, I'm building up to discuss with DP as to where we go from here. He's been amazing, took the unplanned pregnancy in his stride, been a pillar of support, held me when I've cried, but I'm terrified that this is it. He never wanted another baby before we got pregnant, and he accepted it happily because he knew it made me happy, but whether he wants to make another? I know it's early days, but I've got to know.

PacificDogwood Mon 04-Feb-13 22:51:20

Saggy, so sorry you are going through this.

IME (I had 4 MMCs) it is not so much the loss of a tiny pregnancy I mournded, but the loss of the potential child. It's the looking ahead I always did whenever the POAS had been positive, that then came back to bite me hard when it all went pearshaped. Again.

Be very kind to yourself. You are in mourning even if there is no funeral etc. It will take time to heal.

I hope you and your DP can sort things out - many a lost unplanned pregnancy has led to TTC at some point in the future.

I hope you are physically recovering. Much love x.

PacificDogwood Mon 04-Feb-13 22:51:51

OMG mourned, so sorry

KateUnrulyBush Tue 05-Feb-13 04:39:31

Oh Saggy sad So sorry. I had two mc's between ds1 and ds2, about 18 months ago. I took the first one particularly hard and kept on reading the ante-natal thread I had fallen off (don't do that, it does not help!) as I just couldn't believe it had happened.

Just one day at a time, it is very hard but it does get easier to accept. It's amazing how many plans you, even subconsciously, start making as soon as that line appears on the stick, and letting those plans go does take time.

Be gentle with yourself, you will get there xx

HoleyGhost Tue 05-Feb-13 13:28:49

So sorry Saggy. I also would have been on the same thread.

delilahbelle Tue 05-Feb-13 13:59:30

I know how you feel. Even though I have only got as far as chemical pregnancies, it's the hope and planning for the future you are mourning, your child that could have been.

It's a horrible sucky experience.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 05-Feb-13 14:22:46

It absolutely sucks. I feel shite today. Mum came round and helped me clean up and I had to stop. I'm exhausted, drained and miserable.
I just want to sleep.

PacificDogwood Tue 05-Feb-13 20:49:38

Go and sleep. Sleep is a blessed escape and what your body and mind demand - just go with it.

Your grief and sense of loss will wax and wane, but over time you will feel the loss less acutely, honest.


SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 05-Feb-13 21:26:43

You're all so sweet. Thank you.
On a positive note, I saw MIL earlier. She's a cantankerous old bag usually, and I was expecting sarcasm, "thank god you lost it" type comments, and she was absolutely lovely. This baby might not have been meant to be, but it's brought the best out of my entire, annoying, contrary family. Thats got to be a blessing. smile

jmf294 Tue 05-Feb-13 23:10:56

Thinking of you Saggy and all of us who have had recent losses.
I keep torturing myself looking at the September thread- cant quite believe I had to leave.
I saw a few minutes of the abortion program on panorama last night and started crying again. I feel worse this week than last and now I have an infection after the ERPC and am on antibiotics that you can't TTC on.
All rubbish!!
Take care and take it easy Saggy xx

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 05-Feb-13 23:20:43

<<having a rational day today>>
Jmf, hide the thread. Dont torture yourself. sad
Have a big {{hug}}

jmf294 Tue 05-Feb-13 23:25:40

Consider yourself hugged back xx

fatasbutter Wed 06-Feb-13 18:03:20

Hi saggy - was lurking on the Sept Fred too as would have been due on the 19th. Then on the same day you posted about your PUL I was diagnosed with the same. I spent the weekend going in and out of hospital for bloods and scans, as they thought it was ectopic. Now they think its a blighted ovum so am going for a scan on Monday, but have been having cramps and a bit of spotting too.

This is my 2nd mc in a year, and after the first one it took 9 months to get another bfp so I'm fairly peeved it has ended again. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I know just how you feel, although 2nd time easier as instead of thinking 'it won't be me' you always think 'it'll definitely be me!' But it is still incredibly draining, so sympathy/empathy hugs from me too (without the head tilt wink)

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Wed 06-Feb-13 19:21:15

Hi Fatas, Im so sorry.x I was due on 19th to, so I got an excited reminder on my phone telling me I was 8 weeks today, sad It really sucks, doesnt it.

fatasbutter Wed 06-Feb-13 22:47:23

It REALLY sucks. Am fed up with having to wait til Monday for a scan and praying I can have an erpc on the Tuesday! Have taken tues and weds off work in anticipation but no doubt things will not go to plan!! confused

fatasbutter Wed 06-Feb-13 22:49:43

And JMF I'm sorry to hear you got an infection after the erpc. I saw your posts in the sept also so {{hugs}} to you too

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Wed 06-Feb-13 22:53:00

I suppose I can say at least mine is over. sad
Fingers crossed everything goes to plan for you. x

PacificDogwood Thu 07-Feb-13 10:51:59

So sorry, Saggy sad. There is nothing anybody can say that makes it 'better'; it does just suck.
Condolences to everybody else on this thread who has suffered losses.

HoleyGhost Thu 07-Feb-13 11:04:34

Thank you PacificDogwood.

SpanishLady Fri 08-Feb-13 12:08:47


another September 2013 thread veteran here.

how is everyone doing today? I hope people are feeling a bit better x

HoleyGhost Fri 08-Feb-13 12:34:40

Hi SpanishLady - hope you are doing okay. I am reeling and teary today.

SpanishLady Fri 08-Feb-13 14:08:03

I am so sorry to hear this. I really wish there was something we could do to really help ourselves but there is just this silence - yet from a practical point of view I think planning something or giving up tea/losing weight/being healthy or whatever you think might help are little ways to empower yourself - it has made me feel a little like I am fighting back.

Im also a bit of a beliver in counting blessings when I feel knocked down - but I also dont think it hurts to spend some time feeling sad as well.

god this sucks

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Fri 08-Feb-13 19:02:38

I went back to work today. I was panicking on the way, but once I got there it was ok.
I've just had to break the news to my doctor. She rang to see how I was and offer me a scan if I was still spotting! sad
I'm feeling ok though. Kind of empty and a little distant, but I have to bounce back, I've got a job and a family. As I said in the beginning, it's the sudden mentions of babies or pregnancy that appear here and there which hit me in the guts! I try and stay positive, but it is hard. {{hugs}} to everyone.

PomBearWithAnOFRS Fri 08-Feb-13 20:15:35

Hang in there Saggy <manly buffet on shoulder type thing>

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Fri 08-Feb-13 20:17:10

As an aside to Pom, am I keeping the bear? wink

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