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late miscarriage- why?

(5 Posts)
literaryone Wed 06-Feb-13 06:30:03

I'm so very sorry for your loss and for what you're going through now. I had a late miscarriage at 19 weeks several months ago (after suffering from hyperemesis too) and am still haunted by the question of "why". Unfortunately, the tests showed nothing out of the ordinary, so there's been no answer to that.

Be kind to yourself. It doesn't go away but it does become easier as you learn to envision your life differently -- though that's a difficult process in its own right.


nectarini1983 Sat 02-Feb-13 18:27:27

Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my little boy three weeks ago at 17 weeks. Had no idea anything was wrong until no heart beat at a routine antenatal appt.

I wish I could say it gets easier but im afraid it doesn't. Im still crying evey day and the fact im still bleeding is a comstant reminder of what we've lost. It such a raw pain, that ivr never known before. I too, like you, was constantly thinking why! ?!?! For the first few weeks but it seems that im slowly accepting that ill never get an answer. Its just a slow and painful realisation that this awful thing has happened that no one can fix.

It seems so cruel amd unfair to me when my son is loved and wanted but for some rradon beyond my control its.not ended like it was supposed to.

Probably the best thing ive realised ispto take one day at a time and dp what feels right for you. No one can ever know how you feel, its such am inner loneliness.

Ive got a date for my sons funeral in two werks and it breaks my heart that I'm now thinking of what to put in his coffin, whem we should be planning such happier things for him.

Im so sorry you're going through this too. The only thought I can cling on to is that I'll love my baby til the day I die, like I do my other two children, and that ill never forget him.


TaytoCrisp Sat 02-Feb-13 11:07:45

Hi nearly, I'm very sorry for to hear of your dreadful loss. It is a terrible shock to experience a loss, especially having had an earlier scan and feeling everything was going ok . I think a second loss is also very hard, and can really start to erode your hopes for the future (even though data shows that people with two or even three losses go on to have successful pregnancies).

It is understandable that you can't stop wondering about what might have are really trying to make sense of this awful situation. Unfortunately often there are no clear answers, even for later loses, though results of the postmortem and other tests might provide some insight. Though, I still find that you end up asking "why" even if a reason is identified.. I really don't think it could be anything to do with the medication you took - there is no way that you would be given that medication if there was any evidence that it might harm your baby.

Hope you are being kind to yourself and can talk to people around you about how you feel. Big hug, thinking of you. X

Ps: the miscarriage associationhave a good leaflet on late loss on their website - it describes a host of possible reasons for late loss (in my case late loss was linked with a blood clotting disorder).. As well as some of the tests that are carried out. It might be worth having a look at it, and reading it before you meet your consultant to discuss your results x.

Bearandcub Fri 01-Feb-13 10:43:49

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know this is unhelpful, but I would imagine wanting to know why will be entirely common in this dreadful situation. Have you approached your GP for bereavement counselling?

nearlyreadytopop Fri 01-Feb-13 10:33:11

I lost my baby at 17 weeks just over a week ago. I cant stop wondering why and running through everything in my head. I have read that most first trimester losses have genetic problems and having had a previous loss at 6 weeks I can handle that. I just cant understand/get over loosing a baby so late. I also had hyperemesis and was assured all along of it being a sign of a strong pregnancy, it just makes it even more unfair. I cant help wondering if it was the medication I took. We have asked for a post mortem but the results will not be ready for months. I feel like im going mad wondering.

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