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Pure torture over three weeks of waiting now told to wait another two.

(16 Posts)
CaliBee Sun 20-Jan-13 20:02:37

I feel like I am going insane at the moment and trying to remain cool and calm is becoming harder and's a brief history.
I had been ttc for nearly a year. I'm 42 and due to very low AMH (<1.1) and high FSH I was given a very low chance of getting pregnant. You can imagine how pleased and excited I was at getting my BFP on 12/12/12...roughly 12DPO (after one round of clomid). Pregnancy seemed to start really well, all the right symptoms etc. However it was fairly shortlived. On the Friday following Christmas I experienced the tiniest amount of bloodstained mucus and a scan on New Years Eve showed just a cystic space. No more bleeding and a week later a second scan showed the development of a yolk sac and although HCG levels didnt double they went from 11000 to 15000 in 48 hours and nurses seemed not too bothered. At this point I was sent away for another 2 weeks. By this time all my symptoms have gone.
Anyway...cutting a long story short. My third scan at EPAU was due tomorrow but last Tuesday I woke up to spotting. EPAU werent really interested and insisted they wouldnt rescan before tomorrow so I decided to book a private scan which was last Wednesday hoping for some closure. This scan showed no changes from the previous scan at EPAU the week before and the sonographer diagnosed a mmc and sent me away with all the leaflets regarding management of this. Until this point I had been sure that I would prefer to go the natural route should it be confirmed, but having had this dreadful news I quickly realised I just wanted it over with asap. So, on Thursday I called EPAU and explained the situation. They advised that until they had performed their own scan that they could not go ahead with ERPC but advised I could be fitted into theatre tomorrow (Monday) and a scan was shceduled for this morning. During this time the bleeding has picked up and is like a light period but a bit stop/start and I also have pain at times. So DP and I (hes in the army and was allowed special leave from Friday until lunchtime today) trotted along to what we thought would be a confirmation of mmc scan this morning. I nearly fell off the bed when she said she could now see a small (3mm) fetal pole. Sac is irregular but the fetus was quite heartbeat. Basically this means no erpc tomorrow.
I cried my eyes out. The nurse said she agrees with me that it most certainly isnt a viable pregnancy but that I will have to wait for another rescan in 2 weeks.
My GP signed me off for 2 weeks and I dont feel in my present state of mind I could work anyway.
Has anybody else been through anything similar and gone on to miscarry naturally at home??Or did it drag on and go to surgical management afterall??
Thankyou in advance to all who take the time to read and reply.

diyqueen Sun 20-Jan-13 22:09:55

I'm sorry you're going through this and can completely understand you want some closure. I have just had a quite drawn out natural miscarriage at 8 weeks, took 2 weeks from when the bleeding started for the sac to come out and then another 3 weeks before bleeding stopped. But I didn't really have the is it/isn't it agony, knew it was a miscarriage from the start. So things can resolve naturally. For me most of the bleeding was as you describe.

Have you friends in real life you can confide in? For me that was something that helped, it's such a lonely and soul destroying time anyway. Hope you get some answers soon, take care of yourself x

CaliBee Sun 20-Jan-13 22:17:40

Thankyou Diyqueen that must have been dreadful for you.
I'm very close to my Mum and sister...however my Mums twin sister has just had major surgery which didnt go too well and she has ended up having to have another op over the weekend and is in ITU. so I kind of feel they have enough to be worying about rather than listening to my woes. I'm lucky that I'm very strong generally...just this last turn of events has kind of stretched my limits. I know deep down its all over.....its just a cruel twist to have seen a fetus after mmc was diagnosed. It was easier to deal with when I thought a fetus hadn't developed if that makes sense.

okavango Mon 21-Jan-13 09:22:56

hi calibee

so sorry to hear you're having to go through this. mc2 was an mmc last summer. like you I found the waiting awful although I was more hopeful than you as the first scan wasn't clear. i had medical management and then an erpc but it still took my body three months to realise the baby had miscarried and ovulate again. the erpc didn't work as I have a tilted uterus which makes it harder. in my head I would manage my next mc naturally but in reality I don't think I could wsit too long before trying something else as it is v hard to get on with life while worrying if and when you will start to bleed.

defo stay off work. I went back after a week both times and it was a disaster.

CaliBee Mon 21-Jan-13 11:49:21

Thankyou okavango and I'm sorry you have gone through this aswell. I feel encouraged by you saying that you would manage it naturally again if possible. Although I very much hope you dont have to go through it again. It seems that the medical or surgical options have been effectively removed from my choices for now so I'm trying to get on with it as best as I can.
The pain is quite intense this morning...not enough to stop me getting about the house but worse than ordinary period pain. Still hoping for it to happen as soon as possible.

AmelieRose Mon 21-Jan-13 12:43:32

So sorry you're going through this CaliBee. I had a similar-ish situation recently - had bleeding very early on (5ish weeks) so went to EPU. First scan measured very small so sent away and told to come back in ten days. Second scan there was a foetal pole but no heartbeat (even though there should have been).

Had to go back on Christmas Eve for third scan. In the interim period I started bleeding - beginnings of miscarriage. At scan was told there was still no heartbeat but that as there was still tiny foetal pole had to wait until 3rd January, even though I thought they would be able to confirm miscarriage and offer me medical/surgical options.

On the 3rd January had my fourth and final scan where they confirmed that nothing had developed and foetal pole had disappeared. Went for ERPC four days later.

I absolutely sympathise with your situation. The waiting and worrying are awful, and you feel so completely consumed by the situation you're in you can't focus on anything else.

Please make sure you look after yourself - do not go to work. I am a teacher, and was really worried about going back to work, panicking about classes etc but in the end I took just under two and a half weeks off in addition to the Christmas holidays (going back this Wednesday). My GP was so understanding and insisted I took the time I needed. Whatever happens you need to give yourself time to grieve, and give your body time to recover.

A very insensitive friend said to me that she was surprised I hadn't gone back to work yet given that I had so long to get to grips with the news that my pregnancy wasn't going to continue and that perhaps it would be better to distract myself (!). My approach was to distract myself by meeting up with (sensitive) friends, going for the odd lunch, going out for walks etc. I found holing myself up with my thoughts wasn't healthy or helpful for me.

I also found it helpful to talk to friends who had been through miscarriages too, even though we all had very different experiences. I hope things improve for you soon, and send you a big hug.

CaliBee Mon 21-Jan-13 13:56:17

amelie your experience does sound very similar, so sorry for your loss and at such a difficult time aswell. You are right about being totally consumed by it all.
My bleeding and pain seem to have increased today alobg with the passing of clots so I'm hoping this is it. All that excitement of a just a few weeks ago....who would imagine (even when we know of the risks) that this is how it would end up.

AmelieRose Mon 21-Jan-13 14:14:42

I know it's rubbish isn't it? You get the elation of the BFP, but try not to get too excited because you know the risks, then it all goes away.

Hope it all passes quickly for you. Take care of yourself. smile

workingonitagain Wed 23-Jan-13 20:35:39

Hi Calibee im sorry you are going through this. i had the same in nov/dec and although each week i had progress, it was very slow and baby never grew bigger than 6.5 even tho i was 11 weeks by then but they kept making me wait more and more weeks as there was mm difference between sonographers's measurements. i still had lots of sickness although i knew the pregnancy wasn't viable.
i opted for the tablet as nothing was happening and was still very sick.
it's been over a month and i feel so much better and feel like life has come back into me so good luck and hope you get through it very quick with not too much pain x

CaliBee Wed 23-Jan-13 21:19:04

I'm glad your feeling better workingonit.
I had a huge build up of pain earlier today...really was quite similar to labour. It lasted about 3 hours followed by the passing of something more solid than clots and fairly large. Since then the pain has gone so I am really hoping that was it.

okavango Fri 25-Jan-13 08:57:14

calibee how are you doing?

CaliBee Fri 25-Jan-13 12:06:19

okavango thankyou for asking.
I feel quite low today...struggled to get out of bed. Still having some mild cramping and "debris". I'm struggling without DP being around (Army)...he had hoped to get home again for weekend but that is now looking very doubtful.

okavango Sat 26-Jan-13 06:00:42

Sorry to hear that. The bleeding etc can last for a few weeks, just remember to take pain killers if it is uncomfortable. I was very low for a while after my mcs. my only advice is to take it slowly. Don't try to do too much immediately and don't worry if you have an off day just think of a few treats to get you up and about. I had a massage, lots of hot chocolate and some truly trashy mags and dvds. It didn't take anything away but was a nice way to spend the day.

CaliBee Sun 27-Jan-13 13:52:40

That sounds like a lovely pickmeup. Thankyou for your advice. My DP made a surprise visit home for the weekend after telling me he couldnt get away....I feel so much better having had a good talk to him. Bleeding has lessened massively and a pregnancy test this morning showed just a feint line which took a while to appear so I'm thinking/hoping all is good and I can think to looking forward. I am signed off work this week and I intend to use it doing some of the things you suggest above. xx

lendi Tue 29-Jan-13 15:02:51

Hi again. I'm glad things are settling for you too. I had medical management last week which went as smoothly as it could have and since then bleeding seems to have almost stopped already. Feeling better mentally as feel I can draw a line under things now. Hope you are doing ok and feeling better now. Thanks for your help last week, sorry you had to go through it too. Good luck for trying again.

CaliBee Tue 29-Jan-13 15:19:40

I'm glad things went as smoothly as possible for you lendi...its been a rough start to 2013 eh??
I'm feeling much better physically...just finding myself permanently exhausted and very anti-social but guess thats to be expected. I'm thinking the emotional side of things will ease with time. Lots of luck to you too x

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