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Late pregnancy loss at 17 weeks and heartbroken. does ot get any easier?

(10 Posts)
nectarini1983 Sun 20-Jan-13 18:51:09

I found out 10 days ago that my baby had died , I was 17 weeks pregnant. Id only gone for a routine antenatal appt but was referred to the local hospital for a scan when no heartbeat could be found. The consultant confirmed at the scan that my baby had died.

I was induced and delivered my little boy last Saturday. It was the saddest day of my life. The staff that looked after me were angels and treated my baby and I with such care and dignity i didnt think was possible from strangers. It wasnt physically pain, just heartbreakingly sad as its nothow It's supposed to be.

eople kept telling me id feel 'better' after Saturday.but the feeling of emptiness is overwhelming and the loss of hope is devastating.

Its been a week since I was in hospital and im still struggling. I have two beautiful children already who are giving me strength but I can't stop thinking about the baby who was due to come in to our lives.

I just can't accept that a baby that was loved and wanted wasn't meant to be some how.

I look at his perfect hand and footprints and it breaks my heart that hes gone.

nectarini1983 Sun 20-Jan-13 18:51:53

Does this ever get any easier?

Ishtar2410 Sun 20-Jan-13 19:19:25

I am so sorry for your loss.

Five years ago I lost my son at 18 weeks.

I promise you it will get easier, but it will take time. Be gentle on yourself and take each day as it comes. No-one will know exactly how you are feeling but despite this everyone will have an opinion on how you will cope or how they think you should be coping. You will get through this but you have to do it in your own time.

I remember being completely overwhelmed with grief and thinking that the pain would never go away. I don't think it ever truly leaves, but it does get easier to deal with.

Take care

PseudoBadger Sun 20-Jan-13 23:03:58

I'm so sorry for your loss sad

milki Mon 21-Jan-13 14:02:01

So sorry OP.

I lost a baby at 16 weeks late last year, very similar to you - routine appt with m/w, no heartbeat, referred for scan which confirmed exactly what I didn't want to hear sad

10 days after that I was still mostly in bed, I think it still felt surreal at that point - I have 2 DC like you and they did help make things feel a little more 'normal', there was a kind of routine for their sakes. I was definitely thinking about the baby all the time at that point, feeling very sad and heartbroken. So, what I am saying is that you are in the early days of trying to recover from a horrible experience, an awful shock, plus deal with grief and the turmoil of hormones etc. Be very kind to yourself.

You will get through it, but it is painful. Two and a half months on it is easier for me, but I have moments. x x

nectarini1983 Mon 21-Jan-13 18:23:00

Thanks for your kind words. I think I'm still in disbelief that this has happened and keep wondering if there is anything I could have done differently that would make a difference.

I can't help feeling that I've been robbed of my baby, even though im lucky enough to have two little darlings already.

The doctors and midwives kept talking about future pregnancies. Im not sure how I feel on this, its far too soon. At the moment all I want is the little boy ive lost.

Did either of you decide to try again?

AndFanjoWasHisNameO Mon 21-Jan-13 18:46:01

hmm So very sorry for your loss.
My BF lost her baby at 20 weeks last year, she is now pregnant again. Don't rush yourself - everyone is individual, you may wish to try soon or not for a long time. Please don't feel that it would desecrate the memory of the baby you have lost. We include the baby in all our celebrations by sending up lanterns, lighting him candles etc. I feel very affected by it as I was at his birth.
Above all, once any medical reasons have been discounted- try not to rationalise it. It is hideous, end of. You would have been the best mum ever (again) and your children would have been wonderful siblings. It is unfair beyond belief. Time will help. Love to you all x

nectarini1983 Mon 21-Jan-13 20:54:29

Im sorry to hear that your friend went through the same thing. But its great that she's moved forward enough to have another baby.

Its nice that the little one she lost is still included in her/your life. I suppose once you've loved someone you'll always love them. That gives me some comfort that my son will never be forgotten, and just sadly wont be with me as id have hoped.

Thanks so much for being kind. And all the best for your friend and her new baby.

Empross76 Mon 21-Jan-13 21:09:03

I'm so sorry for you loss. X.

goosey123 Mon 21-Jan-13 22:57:34

hi nectarini, really sorry to read your post. I lost my baby at 16 weeks last October and vividly remember the feeling of emptiness. I also have 2 DC which helped enormously. I'm 4 months on now and it really has become less painful. I actually got on ok straight after but struggled over Christmas. but after a bad few moments I feel much more myself now' and this month is the first time I've felt able to try again. its been hard deciding whether or not to try again, at first I thought never again despite the raging pregnant hormones. now I feel I want to give it another shot and let fate decide.

be gentle to yourself and hope things ease with time. take care x x

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