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still crap a few months on

(11 Posts)
acsr1987 Mon 14-Jan-13 17:13:36

im still finding it really hard to deal with my little baby dying at 10 weeks. i dont think ill be able to handle anything if im not pregnant again by its due date (12th may) and i just dont know what to do. i keep thinking really bad thoughts and i just feel so low. i just want to pack everything up and run away. how on earth will i cope if im not pg by may? i just feel like dying

Bakingtins Mon 14-Jan-13 20:04:05

It's very hard, and often seems more difficult several months down the line because many people have forgotten what happened to you but you are still hurting. I am running out of time to be pregnant before EDD in April. Have you had any counselling? You sound really low.

cogitosum Mon 14-Jan-13 20:12:41

I'm really sorry for your loss and have some idea how you feel. I had a mmc in June last year at 9 weeks. I remember it getting worse a couple of months later as well. The first few weeks the shock kind of numbs it. My first few periods after were the worst. each month when I wasn't pregnant felt like a loss all over again. I had exact same fears over my due date (12th jan) luckily I'm pregnant again and got through it ok. I was still very aware all day though.

Allow yourself to grieve and my advice would be to tell someone close to you how you feel so you can talk to them. Don't feel you need to be over it. It's a loss and you need time to heal but it will get better.

You're not alone. Sending hugs X

cogitosum Mon 14-Jan-13 20:14:13

Also speak to your gp. I wish I'd spoken to mine earlier as he was great. Especially if you've been having some really low feelings some rl councelling may help you work through it

DomesticGoddess31 Tue 15-Jan-13 11:02:15

acsr I have no advice but I just wanted to say you're not alone. I'm feeling crappy too. My baby died at 10wks too and edd was 29th April. ALL my best friends have since fallen pregnant and one friend is due in Feb, which would have been when I was to have a baby too but mc'd that one as well. Waiting for test results so can't even try again yet. I can't stop thinking about it. Its shit. That is all. Its shit.

LittleMissSnowShine Wed 16-Jan-13 11:34:16

ascr - So sorry for your loss. I lost a baby in July around 9 weeks tho mmc wasn't discovered until 10 weeks. I found the whole thing v difficult, esp cos I have a 2 year old at home to look after and we were literally in the middle of moving house when it all happened and I found that I was so busy in August that the loss didn't really sink in until September. Because I have pcos and my cycle are irregular anyway, I didn't even really have a proper cycle again til October and that was difficult too. All I can say is that it really does take time, I kept thinking I was starting to get over it and then something small would happen and I'd be very shaky again - my friend's sister has the same EDD as I did, she didn't lose the baby and she's due in about 4 weeks time so seeing her with a bump has been tough. You're not on your own, it's very tough to get over and if you feel like you need counselling or want to see your GP then you should definitely go. Sending more hugs your direction x

acsr1987 Thu 17-Jan-13 21:43:37

thanks for all your lovely kind words, i just feel so fucking shit, and im sick of ppl telling me that im putting too much pressure on myself but how could i not??!?!?!? i just dont think i can cope for much longer if i dont get pregnant soon, i took my ds to a toddler group today and one of the other mothers was pg and as far along as i should be, i just felt like being sick.
i just dont know what to do with myself im so lonely and depressed, cant talk to anyone in my "real life"
i came on my period yesterday and it just felt like the biggest slap in the face, i dont know what to do with myself anymore i feel like such a failure and so utterly useless
i just want the whole thing to be over with!

LittleMissSnowShine Fri 18-Jan-13 17:49:17

Oh ascr - can I recommend a thread on MN, filled with welcoming ladies, all ttc, some of whom have been through mc and others who are just not getting pg very easily. You need some support and if you feel like you can't talk to people in 'real life' then def air it all on MN, it def helps.

Miscarriage Association also have a helpline: 01924 200799

You will get pg again but it can be a rocky road on the way, so get all the help and support you need

Bakingtins Wed 23-Jan-13 14:12:40

Or thread here for TTC after MC.

TaytoCrisp Wed 23-Jan-13 15:29:53

So sorry to hear of your loss Ascr. I think it can be very hard for people to understand how distressing it can be to go through this if they haven't experienced it themselves.

As previous posters have said, it would be very helpful to talk to your GP. They might be able to refer you for counselling free of charge. I have not ever had counselling before, but i am looking into it at the moment as i think i (and maybe my partner) could benefit. Also, depending on your locality, some organisations specialise in counselling relating to miscarriage, and offer very good rates depending on your personal cirumstances - maybe you could have a quick internet search.

I wish there was some advice out there on how to deal with other people who are pregnant. Its just so hard, sometimes you can avoid meeting them if you feel particularly vulnerable, but you cant just hid away either. I tend to be quiet open, though at the same time dont go around announcing that i feel rubbish... It's hard to know what to do. The thing is i am happy for them, but also very sad for myself, it's just very hard.

I dont think you mention you partner in your post. Can you talk to him about how you feel? It can be a relief just to let him know how you feel even if he cant provide any answers..

If you have had one miscarriage, the chances are that you will go on to have a successful pregnancy the next time - most people do - so don't lose hope in that.

SO maybe try to give yourself time to be sad; then if possible put it aside and do something nice with your partner and little one.. It is important to find an outlet for your sadness and anger though (which is where counselling will should help); otherwise it can be overwhelming - so maybe focus on that first, and then when you are ready try to identify some things you enjoy doing, that might life your spirits..

Very best of luck.

tasmaniandevilchaser Fri 01-Feb-13 10:24:47

I was in a similar position last year, it's so hard. I had counselling through the nhs, which did help. Toddler groups are awful everyone else is pg! i remember running off to,the loos in several places.

i wasn't pg by my due date, I won't lie, it was awful. But in a way, it was better once it had passed, I could feel that awful looming panic was behind me. We marked the day, well at the weekend as the due date was a week day( babies don't usually arrive on their due date) and that was good.

Hope that you get lucky before then but if you don't you will get through it. X

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