My dad.

[SophieBirkBirk]

Weird title, I know!

Some may have come across me before..

Basically I found out i was pregnant December 23rd 2011, pregnancy was going amazing, found out we was having a little boy (partner was over the moon). But one morning everything started going bad and that evening they finally let me into hospital to tell me I was going to loose my boy at 23 weeks.. I ended up loosing him after a 36hour labour due to infection and weak cervix on 6th April 12. My dad didn't pay much attention until i was loosing him. but was there through the 3 hard days and funeral.

Since then i lost another baby at 7 weeks (16th august 12) & another 7 weeks (18th December 12)

Found out my dad has been bad mouthing me saying im trying to replace my little boy. My step sister (lives with my dad) found out a couple days before i mc'd shee was PRegnant. She doesnt know the dad, she was in a relatuonship but cheated on him without protwction and was going to abort.

She decided not to and my dad told my brother "all im doing is trying to replace my little boy and hes glad shes keeping the baby" :(.

I'm happy for her, my dad lost his daughter at 7weeks old due to cot death and said he wanted a girl to get rid of the pain but had a boy, after that he started abusing mum.

I hate the fact he thinks im trying ti replace my perfect little boy and i thiught he'd understand what I'm going through cause he's been through it :(.

Hes not been there for ne since I was about ten and he qalked out.

Sorry needed a rant also sorry about mistakes on phone. Any advice? Shall i push he out if ny life or keep trying. He really hurt me by saying I'm replcing my baby boy and hes glad shes keeping it :(.

[molly29]

Hi SophieBirkBirk,
You are not going to change your family, you can't change how they think, what they say or their actions. Do you think that your Dads actions are that of a parent? Would you be this hurtful to your child?
I would seek some councilling.
If it were me, i would not keep these people in my life, but it would seem that for some reason you care what they think? Try to work out why, this will give you some understanding into your own feelings and then you might not feel so sad and might help you move on from them.
I'm really sorry for your loss, i hope you have some people in your life who are loving and supprtive.x

[BridgetandtheHairyBrigands]

Sophie I am so very sorry to hear of your losses. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and heartbreak...

Do not feel sorry for needing to rant, you have absolutely every right to rant away.

Of course you are not seeking to replace your precious boy and it must be very hurtful to hear a family member has said such a thing. At best it was thoughtless, and at worst it was cruel. Your love for your little lad will remain just as strong however many children you one day have.

To be honest your Dad sounds like a damaged man with his own problems - a decent man does not walk out on his children and abuse his partner after the loss of their baby. Although you'd expect him to understand and offer support, perhaps it is something he is incapable of doing? Perhaps he is projecting his feelings onto you, because he did want to 'replace' his daughter?

I don't know enough to be able to advise you whether or not to push him out of your life entirely (are there any good aspects to your relationship with him?) but perhaps it is time to give up hoping that he can change or be the type of father you'd wish for?

After everything you have been through, I think you need to do whatever is best for your well-being and happiness.

[SophieBirkBirk]

I do care what he think, but i don't know why :(. When my Riley died one of my stepmums friends went around saying i was a murderer and i caused it. My dad didn't do anything and decided to wait for aomeone else to tell me!

He's never makes the effort i text him he ignores me. I went to see him the other dat and he said hi then blanked me. i trywd to confront him and he turned it to me saying "he makes the effort" (he always makes me come to him). Then wrotw in his facebook telling people he was hurt because i dont allow him to go see riley and I've banned him. people were calling horrible names over this! :(.

His wife now hates us. He never says he loves me and doesn't even know I want to be a midwife.

Molly I would defiantly say with hiw he has been over the past 8 years he hasnt been like a parently and I would never treat my kids how he treats his.

I just cant give up on him even though he is no longer like a dad to any of us.

Thankyou for replying

It's defiantly got me thinking. x

[Purplelooby]

I have no advice but I couldn't read and run because I cried when I read this - I just want to say that I am so, so sorry for you. It would be easy for any of us to read this and say to get him out of your life (because that's exactly what I'm thinking), but he's your Dad and I understand why you can't let go of him.

Just big hugs xx