2012 has been a really hard year. I have 2 gorgeous DC's who I love dearly. Earlier this year I lost our 3rd DC at 19 weeks in a horribly traumatizing way resulting in surgery. A few weeks later I had to undergo more surgery to get rid of the vile fibroid that caused the miscarriage. We were really looking forward to Christmas with our 3 kids. I was so looking forward to taking our 2 DC's shopping for presents for their new baby. Watching their faces as they gave (him) their presents. I thought I was OK but it is getting harder as Christmas gets closer. My weight is out of control and I think I am depressed. I am desperate to conceive again (and know I can- DH just has to look at me and I'm pregnant) but I am terrified. I am a very strong person and have been through a lot in my life but I am so scared of it happening again. I don't think I can handle telling my lovelies that Mummy has lost another baby. They were so excited. I know this is an irrational fear and that everything will be ok but what if it isn't?? My lovely husband is so protective of me now. Every cough is seen as a serious illness and he has said that when we are pregnant again he will make sure I am completely relaxed, no stress, best care etc. I so want another baby but I am scared that our joint paranoia will make this worse. I am having nightmares where I am reliving the moments when I lost the baby, telling the kids, going in the ambulance etc. I can actually still feel the physical pain of the surgery. I honestly can't wait for the New Year, hoping that 2013 brings a new start. I would give anything for another baby. I know I am so very lucky to already have my 2 lovely kids and I appreciate them every day ( even on the bad ones...). I'm just sad. Thanks for reading xx
apples, I am so sorry you have had to go through all this; I'm not surprised you feel sad and paranoid. I wish you the very best for 2013 and hope that I come across a thread with your name on and happy news next year. x
Hear hear! Bring on 2013 and successful pregnancies for everyone that has suffered loss in 2012. I'm sick of hearing how 2012 has been a great year. apples hope you can get through Christmas and that 2013 brings you much happiness.