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(80 Posts)
PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 09:25:06

Hello everyone. Had my first miscarriage on Friday/Saturday at 12 weeks. I don't really want to go into details but most of it happened in A&E, then I was admitted to the Gynae ward until yesterday afternoon.
When I woke up this morning I just feel weak and tired from my shoulders to my knees sad

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 22:15:59

Thank you Bridget, you're lovely smile

BridgetandtheHairyBrigands Mon 03-Dec-12 12:58:46

Thinking of you today. I hope the scan went/goes as smoothly as possible.

PseudoBadger Mon 03-Dec-12 16:35:01

Thank you. The sonographer today was much better at doing internal scans than the doctor was at the weekend! They think there's still bits inside, so I have another scan on the 11th. I rang work and said I won't be back until at least the 12th and they said whatever I need (my boss is lovely). Afterwards DP and I took DS out for lunch and bought him some Christmas presents which cheered us up, but I'm quite tired and sore now.

Geekster Mon 03-Dec-12 16:49:14

Glad to hear it wasn't too bad today and sounds like you were treated well. Sorry it's not quite over yet, at least you know what is going on now. Sounds like you had a nice afternoon. You will be tired and sore just take care of yourself and hope you feel a bit better soon, and everything goes okay next Tuesday.

Take care xx

BridgetandtheHairyBrigands Mon 03-Dec-12 21:40:00

Oh thank goodness you received better care today, and I hope your next scan gives you the all clear.

You are absolutely doing the right thing to take some time off work and I agree wholeheartedly with Geekster's advice to take care of yourself. Looking at the physical side of things alone, your body has been through quite a trauma and your hormones will probably be all over the place.

I know it's hard with an active little one around, especially when you are trying to put a brave face on and keep things as normal as possible, but try to take things as easy as possible. Plenty of sleep, rest, nourishing food and so on, are definitely the order of the day.

literaryone Tue 04-Dec-12 04:42:26

Psuedobadger, I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry for how traumatic it was but also relieved to know things went better yesterday.

It's great that you have some time off work. Do be kind to yourself and do whatever it is you feel like doing -- even if it's just sleeping and watching TV.

I was advised to take it easy for a couple of weeks and then to make sure I was getting daily exercise and eating healthy. It did help a lot to do that. Made me feel as if I had some control over my body and was looking after it well.

Hoping you feel a little bit better very, very soon.

PseudoBadger Tue 04-Dec-12 08:30:29

Thank you all. Poor DP went to work this morning but ended up breaking down in front of his boss so has come home again. He says that every time he thinks of us sitting in the waiting room instead of somewhere private he gets more upset about it. We will definitely be making a complaint.
DS goes to his childminder today so we can both relax and rest. I think we'll take the dogs out and have tea and cake.

Geekster Tue 04-Dec-12 09:12:12

Your poor DP, do make that complaint because if you don't it will keep happening. Sounds like a good idea to go for a walk and have tea and cake and a bit of time just for the two of you, gives you both chance to talk about how you are both feeling. After all you have both been through a tough time, and the same thing, and will both be feeling low.

Take care both of you hope you both feel a bit better soon.

BridgetandtheHairyBrigands Tue 04-Dec-12 11:57:46

If you manage it, I hope the dog walk helps a little. At bleak times, I've found watching my dog enjoying her walk has given me a tiny lift.

There is something special about watching her joyfully run and play, and just completely immerse herself in the pleasure of the moment. It always make me feel - even if it's just fleetingly - that, even during dark times, there are still moments of happiness to be had.

I hope your dogs are good listeners and cuddlers too x

messtins Tue 04-Dec-12 13:14:13

Badger I'm so sorry to hear you were treated like that at such a distressing time. Please do complain when you feel strong enough, or get your DH to do it. Losing a baby is devastating enough without being left to do it in public and with such lack of compassion from staff.
I hope you are taking it easy and feeling better physically now.

PseudoBadger Tue 04-Dec-12 20:44:32

Thank you Geekster, Bridget and messtins. DP and I had a day designed to take our minds off events - we walked the dogs at Kenwood, then had coffee and cake. Then on the spur of the moment we went to the cinema to see Skyfall, which was fantastic escapism grin We talked a lot and has some lovely silent moments too.
Tomorrow we will snuggle on the sofa and watch DVDs. It's possible I did too much today as I'm very tired and a bit sore, but it took our minds off it.
Thank you all again for your kind words x

Geekster Wed 05-Dec-12 10:07:55

Glad you and DP had a nice day together yesterday maybe you overdid it a bit physically but sounds like mentally it did you both good. Enjoy your sofa and DVDs.

PseudoBadger Wed 05-Dec-12 19:12:35

Was overcome by sadness and tiredness this afternoon and spent a few hours in bed. Still bleeding and passing clots.
I'm quite annoyed with my parents as they have told several of their friends - DP and I have told our bosses and one friend each! Maybe I'm being a bit precious.

BridgetandtheHairyBrigands Wed 05-Dec-12 22:25:44

Pseudo I think that pattern of being 'okay' for a bit and then sinking back down for a bit is pretty normal. Yesterday was pretty busy, so some time in bed was probably a good idea both physically and emotionally.

I don't think you are being precious. I didn't tell my mother but I was livid when she implied in conversation she'd been talking about my miscarriage with her work colleagues. I can't really put my finger on why...I think in part it was because it felt DP and I's sad, personal experience was reduced to something to gossip about.

With hindsight, and reason, I'm sure my mother probably just needed support for her own sadness. It did hurt though.

Geekster Wed 05-Dec-12 22:45:27

Agree with everything Bridget said. Your days will be up and down for a while. Luckily my Mum didn't tell many people at all and was quite cross when one of my aunties told one of her friends. Like Bridget says maybe its your Mums way of coping. I know it's not easy but try not to get too worked up over it. Your own head will be all over the place at the moment.

PseudoBadger Sat 08-Dec-12 20:33:25

I'm starting to worry about going back to work. I don't think I'm emotionally ready to go back this week (how long is it normal to feel sad for?) but I'm worrying about what I will tell people if I have 2 weeks off, and to a lesser extent about workload. Today I've felt very down.

Geekster Sat 08-Dec-12 21:05:21

If you don't feel ready to go back to work don't. I went back too soon after one of my miscarriages after two weeks and I couldn't cope. Everyone knew I had been pregnant because were I worked I had to tell them for health and safety reasons. I couldn't cope with everyone's sympathy and wasn't ready to talk about it to them. I had another week off. Don't worry about your work load, if you go back feeling like this you wouldn't be able to concentrate. You may feel sad for quite a while yet and down and low. Just take it day by day. How you feel is totally normal after miscarriage. It's up to you what you tell them at work, you could say personal problems or tell them you had the flu, or the truth if you feel up to it. You may feel a bit better when you do feel up to going to work as it brings a bit of 'normality' back. But if you are thinking you are not ready to go back yet you probably aren't. You don't suddenly wake up one day and no longer feel sad, it's a gradual process that can take a few months, then something can floor you out of the blue. I know that sounds negative but it's the truth, but things will get better, you will feel better,

Take care xx

PseudoBadger Sun 09-Dec-12 05:27:34

Thank you again Geekster. I think I'll take this week off, then think about going back to sort out some stuff before Christmas, then trying to relax over Christmas as much as I can whilst flying to Ireland and spending it with DP's large family smile

Geekster Sun 09-Dec-12 10:49:26

I hope you manage to relax a bit over Christmas, at least being surrounded by family can take your mind of it for a while, even better of you are going away. I found that after I had to have an ERPC on Christmas Eve one year that going to my Mum and Dads the day after (I had to stay in overnight because I was ill) really helped.

Take care.

PseudoBadger Tue 11-Dec-12 20:14:09

Well I had a follow up scan today and they've decided that I need an ERPC as the womb lining is still thickened (or something like that). So that's happening tomorrow afternoon.

The A&E debacle is biting us all in the bum now. When I went to the toilet during the triage process I'm pretty certain that some 'tissue' went down the loo. I wasn't told to keep it, I didn't know it was important at that stage so I didn't. However the doctors that I've seen on the Gynae ward have been worried as there has been no sac visible in any scans and it doesn't seem that any tissue has been noted by the A&E doctor who examined me. Therefore they seem worried that this could be ectopic. I guess this will all be resolved tomorrow.

The doctor who I saw today runs the EPU and was so lovely. I ended up sobbing all over him when I described the A&E experience. He said that he hopes his unit will one day be able to open all the time so that women can be treated with dignity instead of potentially being treated like I was in A&E. But there's no funding yet sad

I finally got some leaflets and advice on miscarriage, and the doctor was shocked that I'd been left essentially on my own for 10 days. I feel more cared for now.

Sorry, what a self indulgent post!

Geekster Tue 11-Dec-12 20:44:23

Not self indulgent at all. Glad you got treated with kindness and compassion today. At last it sounds like you are getting some answers and the help you need. Hopefully after tomorrow everything will be resolved for you both and you can start trying to move on.

Let us know how you get on.

Take care.

BridgetandtheHairyBaubles Wed 12-Dec-12 12:47:28

Just to say I'm thinking of you Pseudo - I hope today goes as smoothly as it can x

literaryone Wed 12-Dec-12 15:05:25

Hoping the procedure goes fine today and that you have a good rest after. xox

PseudoBadger Wed 12-Dec-12 17:43:48

Well <hollow laugh> I'm really experiencing the full NHS service...

I went in as arranged, waited 2 hours, spoke to the anaesthetist and surgeon. The surgeon went off to review my scans and I went to be put under. Because I was so cold they were having trouble putting the cannula in and they were just trying the third vein when the surgeon came in and said "Do we really need to do this?"! I told her that I was just doing what medical professionals were advising me hmm
She didn't feel that the amount left (as shown on the scans) warrants the risk of a GA and possible uterine tear etc. She discussed this with her consultant and basically it didn't get done.
I'm back home and ironically am having a lot of pain and passing thumb sized clots! So perhaps I'm finally getting rid of it all by myself? It is quite painful though.
I'm quite furious with the hospital and this will be added to my complaint letter.

Welovecouscous Wed 12-Dec-12 18:14:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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