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PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 09:25:06

Hello everyone. Had my first miscarriage on Friday/Saturday at 12 weeks. I don't really want to go into details but most of it happened in A&E, then I was admitted to the Gynae ward until yesterday afternoon.
When I woke up this morning I just feel weak and tired from my shoulders to my knees sad

AntoinetteCosway Sun 02-Dec-12 09:28:49

I'm so sorry for your loss. Do you have a good support network at home?

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 09:51:17

Thank you, I think so but I'm very private so it's hard for me to talk.

AntoinetteCosway Sun 02-Dec-12 11:08:36

You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to-whenever you're ready is fine. Could you ask someone to come round and just sit and have a cup of tea/watch some crappy tv with you? Do you have a DP who could do that?

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 16:00:37

Yes, however he's spending most of his time entertaining DS, thankfully! I've retired to bed with a hot water bottle as pain has for quite bad again. I've taken paracetamol and ibuprofen and am pondering whether this is normal.

Geekster Sun 02-Dec-12 16:20:43

Sorry to hear about your loss. How you are describing as feeling is quite normal after miscarriage, keep taking the painkillers if you need them and rest as much as your DS will allow you too. As for how you feel mentally everyone is different some people want to talk others don't. You might want to talk about it in the future, you might not all perfectly normal. That's were these boards come in, even if you feel you can't say things to friends and family the anonymity of this means you can say how you feel without being judged and can get it out and written down even if you can't say it. Just remember you are not alone.

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 16:48:19

Well since I'm lying in bed ignoring pain I might as well write it down.
So I first got some blood at about 9pm Thursday night, but had no pain. Went to the gp on Friday morning who got me an appointment at EPU for Monday (tomorrow!). Still no pain and not much blood.
From about 3pm Friday pain began and got worse, however I was caring for DS and we went to M&S to get dinner, with me cramping in the aisles! I ate a cookie from the bakery.
Got home and sat down at about 5.30 and the pain was very bad. I felt something go pop and rushed to the toilet, and had a pinkish fluid. I told DP that we were going to a&e.

Got to A&E at 6 (i drove) and started bleeding heavily walking from the car park which is a long walk, to the A&E. I booked in and told them I was bleeding heavily, and left blood all over their chair. My trousers were saturated and everyone was looking at me. We got called through to triage quickly and I told the nurse that I was bleeding heavily; she gave me two pads and sent me off to the loo.
I threw away my knickers, held the pads between my legs and put back on my saturated trousers. I left blood all over the room, and told the nurse this. She gave me 2 paracetamol.

She then took us through to the internal waiting area, where there were several people waiting for various ailments. She told me to sit down and I told her it wasn't wise as I would ruin the chair. She gave me a bed pad to sit on and another spare one. We then sat there for two hours whilst everyone else was seen. I sat there in the misguided belief that the staff were aware of how much I was bleeding but were very very busy. I was in terrible pain and bled through all my pads and sent DP to get some more. This was about 8pm.

Well, once the nurses realised that I'd basically miscarried sitting on their waiting room chair they were aghast. They put me on a trolley, peeled off my saturated pads and trousers (which went in the bin), gave me a cannula. I asked for a drink as I hadn't eaten or drunk since about 5pm but they said I couldn't have anything. I was hooked up to saline and lying on a bed has never felt so calming or relaxing!

The nurses from here on were so kind. The poor Gynae doctor who was covering labour ward/theatre, the Gynae ward and A&E eventually came to see me and examined me. This was not pleasant (internal) and she was worried that not everything had come out so I was take upstairs to the Gynae ward. I was still nil by mouth as she thought they might have to do I'm guessing an erpc, during the night. I last saw the doctor at about 3am.

On the ward I passed quite a lot of tissue and blood. I remained nil by mouth without a doctor seeing me again until 11am, when I had a ravenous breakdown and kicked up a fuss about being on indefinate nil by mouth. I hadn't eaten or drunk for about 18 hours and was really feeling it. They agreed that I could eat until I had the scan then they would just fast me again if they needed to do anything. Why they could have done this before I don't know.

I had a very unpleasant internal scan at about 1pm which appeared to show only a small amount if tissue left. However the doctor was having trouble finding my left ovary so said I should go back today for a repeat blood test and then a scan later if needed.

I eventually left hospital after a long wait for my anti D. Blood tests today were good with hcg dropping, and I have a scan tomorrow.

Sorry this is long. I am obviously very upset at miscarrying in the waiting room, and about being NBM for so long. Feels better to get it all off my chest.

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 16:51:56

I forgot to add that when the nurses realised that I was bleeding, the triage nurse came over and said "oh have you started bleeding now?" Wtf?

Geekster Sun 02-Dec-12 17:20:28

You poor thing it's horrible what you have had to go through. My first miscarriage was similar but I didn't go to hospital, mine started on the Friday and by Saturday I was in agony and couldn't get off the loo for five hours. Went to GP on the Monday who confirmed I'd had a miscarriage and thought it was complete as pain and bleeding were settling even though still present. I bled on and off for three months until one day in the bath this shrivelled ball of tissue came out then it stopped. With hindsight I had retained products but didn't go back to the GP as thought it was normal. It's good that you are going for a scan to make sure you have no retained products. Hopefully your pain and bleeding will settle down soon.

I hope you get sorted out soon and can start to come to terms with what has happened to you. It just happened in such an awful way.

Sounds about right with the nurses, when I went in one Christmas Eve after my second miscarriage for an ERPC. The consultant said I see you have had a miscarriage oh dear. What an arse.

I hope you feel a bit better soon, sending you sympathy and hugs xx

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 17:34:36

The first doctor I saw was really kind and sympathetic. We discussed the blood and tissue loss and that it was a miscarriage. The doctor who scanned me yesterday said "so it's possible you've had a miscarriage, do you understand what that means?". hmm

Geekster Sun 02-Dec-12 17:49:16

Must admit most of the medical profession were understanding and sympathetic and the nurses/midwives lovely. What really annoyed me was when we were referred for tests after repeated miscarriages the waiting area was exactly the same as all the pregnant women going for their scans. So sat there in a roomful of pregnant women.

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 17:50:41

I understand that's a common problem Geekster sad Well I'm sure i'll encounter lots of pregnant women tomorrow at the EPU when I have my scan.

Geekster Sun 02-Dec-12 17:56:58

I hope everything is as okay as it can be for you tomorrow and not too traumatic. Let us know how you get on - if you want too.

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 18:07:52

Thank you smile

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 20:50:18

I think I feel quite guilty. This was my second pregnancy and what with being busy with toddler DS, working etc I didn't really give it much thought. I ate the right things, didn't drink perhaps drank a bit too much caffeine, but I never spent any time in quiet, belly stroking contemplation. Poor baby sad

And I feel sorry for DS, that he won't have a baby sibling next year, sort for DP, who doesn't think he can go through this again, sorry for our parents who thought they were getting another grandchild.

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 20:50:47

*sorry for dp

BridgetandtheHairyBrigands Sun 02-Dec-12 20:59:49

Pseudo I'm so very sorry for your loss and the traumatic experience you went through in A & E. I cannot imagine how distressing it must have been to go through such an intensely private experience in a public space.

I hope you are treated with care and professionalism tomorrow.

BridgetandtheHairyBrigands Sun 02-Dec-12 21:17:15

Please do not feel guilty. It was not your fault. It really wasn't.

I lost my second pregnancy too (but at an earlier stage) and wondered if it was something I'd done. Was it because I visited a farm before I knew I was pregnant? Was it because I'd flea treated the dog and not washed my hands enough? Was it because didn't give up my morning coffee? Was it because I had reached too far under the kitchen table? There was nothing I didn't run over in my mind.

I wondered if we were being punished because DP and I had - stupidly and in very poor taste - privately once joked that if it was a certain gender we didn't want it (complete bollocks of course as we were both devastated by the loss)

However, now that time has passed, I can see that my miscarriage was entirely out of my hands. As was yours. Your baby was very much loved and cherished within you; even if life was more frantic than during your first pregnancy.

Geekster Sun 02-Dec-12 21:18:47

The guilt is horrible, you can't help but feel its your fault even though its not. You did nothing wrong. It's so horrible for everyone involved, believe me I've been through those awful thoughts and feelings. They do lessen over time but will always be part of you.

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 21:28:15

Thank you. I've also wondered whether it was punishment for cajoling DP to have a second DC quicker than he wanted to. He was happy in the end of course, but I did press the issue.

BridgetandtheHairyBrigands Sun 02-Dec-12 21:29:02

I have just re-read your last post and what strikes me is that you are feeling sorry for everyone but yourself.

Please do not overlook yourself; your feelings of sadness and loss are important too.

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 21:29:05

And I'm a rational, non religious, science based person....

BridgetandtheHairyBrigands Sun 02-Dec-12 21:30:43

Sorry, not your last post. X-posted.

fengirl1 Sun 02-Dec-12 21:35:41

Psuedo - if you find there are pregnant women there when you go for your scan and it's too much, ask if you can wait somewhere else. I'm sorry about your baby. hmm

PseudoBadger Sun 02-Dec-12 21:44:40

Thank you Fengirl I will.

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