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Travel abroad without DH one week after miscarriage

(10 Posts)
BeadyEyes Sun 25-Nov-12 09:43:49

Hi all,

Sorry to find myself on this area of Mumsnet and to read all of your heartbreaking stories. I am wondering if anyone can share their wisdom with me?

I miscarried at 5+6 last week. Bleeding has just stopped thankfully. Anyway, I'm supposed to head off abroad (longhaul) on Tuesday night without DH for work and holiday/seeing relatives - 8 days in total.

I am completely in two minds about it all in terms of whether I can emotionally cope with the trip. On the one hand, I haven't been to this country before and can't see myself going again in the future (especially given our plans to have children), and I'm sure it will be exciting and fun at times. On the other hand, I don't feel very emotionally resilient and have been relying on DH a lot for emotional support lately, and am a bit worried about the stress of travel and working abroad, as well as feeling lonely.

The doctor has signed me off so I can cancel the trip if necessary, even the day before, but I just don't know what to do!

What would you do?

Thanks! smile

ipswichwitch Sun 25-Nov-12 10:13:12

I miscarried 12 days ago (7weeks) and I can barely get out of bed half the time. I do have other health issues which are causing me bother, but I've been very up and down emotionally. I'm also extremely tired and have no energy, even though the bleeding stopped quickly.

I guess I can't really say what I think you should do, the dr I spoke to said everyone's different. He did recommend signing me off work til I had my scan in a weeks time but I'm taking each day as it comes. Would there be any way you could change travel plans to come home early if you feel you need to? Sorry if I'm not much help

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Sun 25-Nov-12 10:40:49

Sorry to hear of your miscarriage.
It's a really tricky one. So you know physically you're able, its whether it would feel too much emotionally?

I would say go for it. There may be times when it feels too much but you will rise up to meet the challenge. Imagine how proud you would be afterwards?
One thing I would suggest though, if you do go, find some quiet time every day. Pace yourself, you will feel tired, more than usual so will need to allow for plenty of sleep.
If you feel lonely, could you Skype / FaceTime / call your DH?

Ultimately though, whatever you chose, it will be right for you. Good luck, will you let us know what you decide?

kirrinIsland Sun 25-Nov-12 10:58:33

I went on a 2 week course for work 1 month after mc at 12 weeks. I really didn't feel ready to be away from DP for so long but actually it wasn't too bad. I did miss him, got waaay more homesick than I would normally, and cried every morning and evening without fail. However, it did give me something else to focus on and in hindsight it was a good thing.
Like accidental says though, you need some time to yourself each day. Keeping so busy you don't think about it at all will come back and bite you at some point.

So sorry for your loss.

BeadyEyes Mon 26-Nov-12 10:30:33

Hi all,

Thanks so much for your sage advice! I still haven't decided, but am tending towards not going...I just can't summon up any enthusiasm for the trip whatsoever, which is making me think it's probably not a good idea (usually I am really excited about traveling).

Thanks again smile

PurplePoppySeed Mon 26-Nov-12 21:39:53

Hi, I'm also sad to find my first ever mumsnet post in this forum too, but your question really made me think about all the feelings I've just been through too.

I've been lurking for a while whilst ttc and my first few weeks of pregnancy. I then found out I had a MMC on the 5th Nov, should have been 8+1, but scan looked the same as my early 6 week scan I had already had to check it wasn't ectopic.

I had most of the MC naturally that week, but had an erpc on Friday 9th too, then went on antibiotics mid the following week due to continuing pain and bleeding so GP thought possible infection... all with a holiday already paid for that DH and I were considering cancelling.

in the end we went (got back this weekend) and i have to say that I'm so glad I went. Even if your travel is work related, I think the change will be good. I returned to work today (second attempt, after struggling a bit when I went back before holiday) and I'm like a new person. Can't say I'm over it, but I'm certainly able to get on with my job, be fairly cheerful in the office, focus and actually get stuff done, all while started to feel that I can and look back on it all with a bit more perspective which has really surprised me so soon!

I know we are all different, but for me, my trip away was exactly what I needed. The week before I went, I was just mooching about the house or going in to work and not knowing what to do with myself. In my case as my bleeding didn't stop, it was a constant reminder (only finished spotting last Friday). But being away gave me other things to think about that were outside of normal routine and it was the best therapy I could possibly have had.

I would urge you to go as though work will probably be hard, seeing your relatives might be just what you need - is there any way at all that your DH could get time off and come with you?

PurplePoppySeed Mon 26-Nov-12 21:44:29

ps. I'm truly sorry for your loss, nothing can prepare you for how it feels sad

BeadyEyes Thu 29-Nov-12 15:25:05

Hi, thanks for your message.

So sorry to hear of your loss as well.

I ended up not going, as I realised that the work part of the trip would be too stressful, as would be seeing the relatives who are elderly! If DH had been able to come it would have probably been ok. I'm glad I haven't gone, as I have been feeling pretty low and the bleeding has re-started for some reason. I think in this situation, women should trust their instincts. My instincts ended up telling me strongly not to go.

Take care everyone xx

PurplePoppySeed Thu 29-Nov-12 20:36:24

I'm glad you found the right thing for you, you're absolutely right, we do know what's best for us deep down. Stressful work would had been hard. Hope you were able to use the time for some rest instead xx

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Thu 29-Nov-12 21:05:42

Good for you, for doing what you knew was right.

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