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My friends had a miscarriage...

(6 Posts)
ArtyFartyQueen Sun 18-Nov-12 09:57:45

One of my dearest friends had a miscarriage last night. I was wondering if you can suggest anything that I can do to help her through this. I've had miscarriages so can obviously sympathise with her but wondered if there was anything practical I could do.

So sad for her and her husband.

messtins Sun 18-Nov-12 10:09:36

Tell her, either in person if she wants to talk to you or in a card, how sorry you are that she has lost her baby. Say you'll be there when/if she wants to talk. Don't try to find any positives in the situation (along the lines of "at least you can get pregnant" "there was something wrong, it's nature's way" "you can try again") miscarriage is a shit thing to happen and you need to acknowledge the unfairness of it. Write in your diary her due date if you know when it was and the anniversary of the miscarriage and send her a card at that time saying you know she'll find those days tough. Send wine/chocolate/flowers/trashy magazines in the next few days. Offer to help give her a bit of time alone or with her DH (does she have other children - could you babysit?) Point her in the direction of the miscarriage association and boards like this one.
The fact you are asking says you are a good friend and she'll need good friends over the next weeks and months - I'm sure she'll appreciate your support.

cogitosum Sun 18-Nov-12 10:15:57

You sound really lovely.

Don't say how common it is. I found that really minimises it. Agree with messtins about not saying at least you can get pregnant etc.

Allow her to be sad and don't try to just cheer her up. She needs to grieve.

Be there for here in a few months time. I found I thought I was fine and then each period would upset me. Don't expect her to just get over it really quickly

Take chocolate!

cogitosum Sun 18-Nov-12 10:20:03

Sorry just seen you've had a miscarriage and wanted practical advice so you can probably ignore most of what I just put!

allchik Sun 18-Nov-12 15:52:26

A message on/near due date,I was luckily 20wks pregnant again on my due date so everyone was really happy n forgot (understandably) so when MIL sent a text remembering the baby it made me blub,but in a good way x x x

MrsJohnDeere Sun 18-Nov-12 17:17:37

I'd like friends (close ones at least) to keep asking me about it and how i'm doing rather than assuming all is ok. It really helps to talk about it with someone other than dh. Popping round for coffee/wine is good.

The friend who upset me most is one who knows, told a mutual friend that she would send flowers, then didn't and hasn't said anything to me at all. I didn't particularly want the flowers but feel a bit hurt.

Mine was 4 weeks ago now.

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