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My friend is miscarrying :(

(9 Posts)
Lovesoftplay Sat 10-Nov-12 19:28:57

Hi everyone, my friend is currently at home after being sent home from hospital because she is having a miscarriage. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do.

I have ordered her flowers, sent her loads if love via text and over the phone. Is there anything else I can do? Or should I just leave it a while now? Her DH, sister and mum are all with her so I don't think going there will help her.

TIA x x

NorbertDentressangle Sat 10-Nov-12 19:35:10

TBH when I had a m/c I didn't want anyone with me other than DP.

I remember my neighbour (who knew what was happening) coming round to see me and sitting there chatting and I was thinking "shut up and go away" .

I would take it that your friend knows that you are there if you need her and just give her some time. Text her with messages of love and support by all means as it doesn't put any pressure on her and she can respond as and when she feels ready.

It sounds as if you are close and she knows that you are there for her.

Its a horrible thing for her to go through and she might appreciate a listening ear in the future.

Lovesoftplay Sat 10-Nov-12 19:43:43

That's what I was thinking. If it was me, the last thing I would want is people coming round not knowing what to say.

Yeh, she knows she can contact me any time. I guess all I can do is be there when she needs me. My heart is breaking for her sad

Irishmammybread Sat 10-Nov-12 20:10:35

The Miscarriage Association has some really good downloadable leaflets, there's one aimed at family and friends and gives advice on what to say(or what not to say!).
You sound like a very caring friend, nothing can take away the pain of losing a baby but it does help to know there are people around you who truly care.
Your friend may still be grieving months later too, I found most people expect you to have "recovered" and moved on, especially if you're putting on a brave face to the outside world by then. I appreciate the few people who are still concerned and willing to talk,ask how I'm feeling or just give me a hug.

newtonupontheheath Sun 11-Nov-12 10:10:53

If you know when her due date would have been, please try to remember it when it comes round.

My due date would have been a good friends birthday, which everybody knew. But when her birthday came round nobody (not even DH) mentioned it.

They were all great at the time of my mc but an acknowledgement of the day would have been appreciated.

HannahJayne Sun 11-Nov-12 12:39:52

I miscarried last weekend, and other than DH, I don't want to to talk to anyone, and I don't want company. I think I'm probably being a bit over dramatic, but my way of dealing with this is to deal with it myself. My friends and my sister have offered to come round but I'm just not ready to talk. So if your friend is anything like me then offer to be there, but if she turns you down it's not personal and maybe when she's come to terms with it some more she might need you to still be there for her.

MrsJohnDeere Sun 11-Nov-12 16:33:15

When I had mine (3 weeks ago) I told 3 good friends (2 of whom didn't know I was pg). They phoned and texted a 2/3 times a day for the first few days, and popped round for coffee and a chat with little or no notice, and it was wonderful. Meant the world to me, tbh. I cried in front of them and it didn't matter. it actually helped to talk to someone was wasn't dh and was that little bit removed from the situation (and who were happy to talk about the gorier aspects of everything!)

I actually felt a bit hmm about one of my SILs who knows but hasn't phoned or texted or anything, even though she'd told dh she was going to and would send flowers.

nananaps Sun 11-Nov-12 16:39:53

I would just leave them to it.
Maybe text and go round with a nice cake in a week or so. Cake cheered me up but not as much as the good company of friends who came and told me about gossip and normal stuff.

Make a note of due date and remember it with something noce for her, it really is important and its always forgotton by everyone except the woman.

Chottie Sun 11-Nov-12 16:47:53

When I had three consecutive miscarriages, lots of people avoided me as they did not know what to say. Just a hug or a word would have helped so much. You sound a very caring friend.

I had a happy ending as I do have two children x.

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