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why wont they listen

(10 Posts)
neenienana Fri 09-Nov-12 06:18:17

Hi I posted earlier re pain and slight bleeding. I went for dating scan and sonographer confirmed the worst. He thought baby had died at
6 or 7 weeks. I was then seen by a lovely epu nurse who explained the different options we opted for the I have two other ds at home who at 6 and 7 . I also didn't like the idea of passing the sac which is big.
The next morning all prepped for theatre, the registrar pops her head in to say that they won't do the op as the scan shows a 5 week old foetus which bfcause it is too tiny to have heartbeat they want ho rescan next week to. Check its size
This is all very well, except we have'by had sex since the day my period was due 8 weeks ago. So how it can be viable I hdve no idea.
They are following guidelines and I am left in limbo.
The pain and bleeding are minimal and it keeps stop starting. I really don't want to go through this at home.
Anyone else had this? Should I go private or demand a second opinion?
I feel so angry.

cogitosum Fri 09-Nov-12 06:30:58

I'm really sorry for your loss sad

nearly had this. I had a private scan which was fine showing a heartbeat etc then another one a week later showing it had died. When I went to epu they did another scan which confirmed it.

One doc said that they may not be able to do erpc until they checked a week later as my scans had been private but then it was ok in the end.

I'm really sorry you're going through this and it's awful they are being so difficult. I hate not being trusted by hcps. I think we tend to know our own bodies better than they realise

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy Fri 09-Nov-12 06:51:17

I'm so sorry, neenie. This is a horrible thing for you to have to go through.

I do understand why they are not performing ERPC yet, due to the consequences of there being any chance at all, however infinitesimal, of the baby being OK. I had my fourth mc this summer and had the opposite - the sac was filled with a huge blood clot, making it difficult top ascertain what was going on, and despite having two opinions that the baby had died I was terrified of undergoing an ERPC to remove a healthy baby and had them scan me again on the morning of the op.

Have you had a transvaginal scan? If not, can you request one? How about having hCG levels tested (although that does mean a wait of 2 days between samples)?

This is an incredibly difficult experience - take good care of yourself.

willitbe Fri 09-Nov-12 10:25:42

neenienana - so sorry for your loss and more what you are going through. I think you should ring up the epu nurse and explain the stress it is putting on you, that you have not had intercourse in 8 weeks and the feotus is clearly reducing in size if they said one day that it was 6/7 weeks and the next day measured 5 weeks. (or did they not rescan you the following day?) Anyway, their guidelines are that "guidelines" they are not rules. It is wrong that they are putting you through this.

One thing I can reassure you is that the sac will not be very big as it is measuring so small now. The bleeding could be quite heavy with large clots and this is hard, but when I have had this I have not spotted the sac, it is easily missed. I hope that this reassures you if you do end up going through the loss naturally before they can operate.

I think it is worth ringing the epu nurse and talking through your distress might help them reconsider, and get you on an urgent list for theatre. Waiting til next week is too much.

stayathomegardener Fri 09-Nov-12 10:40:24

I was in the same situation a few times and without trying to offend you or anyone else they told me the only way to overcome their guidelines is to request an abortion,then they can change the paper work to cover themselves.

I didnt but the wait was horrible when you yourself know it is not viable and you have other children who may be confused and worried about you.
You have my full sympathy's it's horrible.

whiterose2011 Fri 09-Nov-12 14:54:00

I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this. I had a similar situation and had to wait 4 weeks to know whether there was a heartbeat. Like [stayathome], I was offered an abortion but decided to wait the extra week to know for sure. I think deep down I knew that it would end in a mc but I didn't want to have an abortion if there was even the tiniest chance.

I would say that in my experiences of the NHS, you need to push them to get more than the bog standard so if you feel there is more they could be doing, you should speak up. Take care of yourself. Xxx

wilderumpus Sat 10-Nov-12 11:26:09

I am so sorry you are going through this neenie.

I had a blighted ovum (no embryo spotted in the sac) but this wasn't diagnosed officially until I was 10 weeks. I had had bad cramping but no bleeding. They thought something was wrong from the off, so I had a scan at 6+6 which confirmed a pregnancy but no baby - I knew it was all wrong and I was going to mc but they said I had to wait as I could have my dates wrong. even tho I said I used ov sticks and was impossible to have my dates wrong I had to wait another 10 days. went back at 8 weeks and still no baby, but the sac needed to measure 20mm for the pregnancy to be considered non-viable. It measured 19mm! so, like you, they said there could be a teeny baby in there still so come back in another ten days. Maybe this is why they are asking you to wait too.

Went back at ten weeks and finally was allowed help to miscarry. I had medical management rather than the operation so did pass the sac and teeny placenta myself. It was completely fine - hurt like hell and all that, but I managed with paracetemol and ibuprofen. the size itself was fine and it had sort of collapsed too.

I begged at 8 weeks to be allowed to mc but they said no, it was guidelines as a sac under 20mm indicates a pregnancy in its very early stages. I understood this but still it was so very hard to be in limbo sad

I really feel for you and hope you are ok. The limbo is the worst bit, tbh. thanks

(I don't know if it helps but am 13 weeks pg now, with a wriggler, only four cycles after my mc.) all the best

neenienana Sat 10-Nov-12 15:47:26

Thanks guys, I did phone the epu nurse again yesterday and the best they can do is to offer a scan on tues with the consultant. Am in so much pain now I am sure it will happen before then. It's such a help to talk to people who have been through it. Worst thing is my sister who I am v close with is about to drop any day now. Don't know how I am going to cope with seeing her baby.

willitbe Mon 12-Nov-12 10:17:23

I hope that the weekend went without too much pain, and that your sister did not pop in making things harder for you. Have you got the scan tomorrow still? hope you are ok.

neenienana Mon 12-Nov-12 20:44:45

Hi willitbe, yes at 1. I just hope the consultant sees enough to make the right decision. The kids are a good distraction, they have no idea, except ds2 does keep hugging my tummy. Felt horribly empty this am tho went they went to school and had a good cry on my dh.

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