Just hoping for some other views/experiences... I had a MMC 2 months ago at 7ish wks and I am still very confused about how I feel about it all. The pregnancy wasn't planned, we already have 1 DS who is 6 and although I had always wanted another DC, circumstances had meant that we just had never felt the time was right to have another one (money, lack of space at home etc). I was actually starting to get to the point where I was thinking - do I really want to go back to nappies etc at this stage in my life (i'm getting closer to 40!!) So, it was a huge surprise to get pregnant and both mine and DP's reaction was 'shit - what do we do now?' We are just so tight for money all the time that I was so worried we couldn't cope. DP was great and although he was obviously worried too he just kept reassuring me we'd be fine. I was a mess to be honest and was in tears quite a few times just worrying about how we'd cope, how DS would cope, but as the weeks went on I started to feel a tiny bit excited about being pregnant. We had only just told our parents and closest friends about it when I had the MMC. I ended up having a ERPC and had to tell work about it which I found really hard.
And here I am now. I was really upset when I found out I had miscarried, I found the day in the hospital for the ERPC traumatic and I was pretty fragile for about a week after but now I feel... well, I don't know. I'm sad it never worked out, I'm looking at babies and wishing they were mine. I'm guilty because I just wasn't feeling the same way about being pregnant as I was when I was pregnant with DS (who incidentally was also unplanned - makes me sound so irresponsible, but I'm really not..much) I'm worried that might have been my last time being pregnant, I'm worried that that might happen again if I do get pregnant again. DP and I have agreed that we wont even think about whether we want to try again until next year, and I'm worried then it will all be the same as now and I wont have a clue what to do.
I must sound mad. I don't expect anyone will have answers for me, but actually it's helped me just to write this down.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
not sure now to feel about MC still....
3 replies
BoobyMoon · 08/11/2012 13:41
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