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Multiple recurrent miscarriages in my early 40s, should I give up all hope?

(13 Posts)
Rosepip Wed 24-Oct-12 14:03:44

Apologies in advance of the long ramble...... DH and I have been trying for DC3 since May 2011, have had 5 early MCs since we began trying. I am 42 and DH is 45, I had DD when I was 30 and DS when I was 34, both conceived on the first month of trying so we were very lucky. Life events got in the way of trying for a third and when I turned 40, we thought we would try for another baby, thinking it would happen straight away again, How wrong we were. I seem to get pregnant really easily, my cycle is bang on, 29/30 days and I ovulate around CD14. The pregnancies always fail between 4-5 weeks and one went on to 8 weeks but it was an empty sac. NHS tests all normal, 2nd opinion with a private Gynae proved all normal, pelvic scan early this year was normal and showed that I am producing the egg quantity of a 25 year old as I had a follicle count of 24. I have been taking high dose folic acid, pre-conception vits, and also tried progesterone supplements and baby aspirin on one cycle on the advice of my Gynae. We then took 6 months off trying and I underwent a course of acupuncture supported with Chinese herbs. My acupuncturist told me I had weakened liver and kidney function and poor circulation hence the blood flow into my uterus wasn't good enough to support an early pregnancy. I put all my belief and hope in this treatment as it gave me something to cling on to. Sadly, another early MC last weekend has left me desperately sad, despite the fact that I know I am incredibly lucky and blessed to have a wonderful DD and DS. But, it doesn't take away that maternal longing for another child and accepting that my body is now probably too old is hard. My head is telling me to give up, move on and make the most of what we have yet my heart tells me to keep trying.

Has anyone else been in this situation at my age? Thank you so much for reading.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Wed 24-Oct-12 14:14:43

That sounds so hard. I haven't been in that position but can imagine.

What about just trying to relax (easier said than done i know) and trying to get into the frame of mind of if it works out that's great but not pinning all your hopes on it?

I was going to suggest you set a deadline to stop trying but perhaps that would make you feel even worse!

Sorry i know that's crap advice.

Error404 Wed 24-Oct-12 14:21:35

I haven't been in your situation but it seems to me if your heart says keep trying then you should keep trying. But only you can know how much more disappointment and heartache you might be able to take and only you (together with your husband) can make the decision.

Good luck to you.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Wed 24-Oct-12 14:24:51

Oh and i would keep trying as well i think but like error said only you know what you can take.

Flojo1979 Wed 24-Oct-12 14:25:57

I haven't been in your situation but before I had DCs, I had 4 MCs over a period of 5 yrs.
I think if u r emotionally strong enough and the doctor thinks your body is strong enough and you are allowing enough recovery time then keep trying.

YouOldSlag Wed 24-Oct-12 14:25:59

It's a decision only you can make. Neither will be wrong as it is up to you and you alone as to how much you can take.

I am very sorry for your losses. I lost 3 pregnancies before DS2 was born and reluctantly called it a day after having him. I couldn't go through that again. (I was 39 by the way).

Whatever you do, I am sure you will get a lot of support and sympathy on here. Good luck and all the best.

Flojo1979 Wed 24-Oct-12 14:28:51

Sorry on reflection I also must add one thing, 3 of my MCs were like heavy periods, 1 I hemorrhaged is the middle of nowhere and nearly cost me my life, so long as u don't take any risks like camping in the middle of a forest in Scotland with no phone

Dolliedaydream Wed 24-Oct-12 18:07:15

Hi, I think I had 2 early miscarriages (late period / faint bfp)last year in feb and oct as well as a late missed miscarriage at 18 wks in august with twins both had died at 14weeks.

I was 41 / 42 always conceived easily no pregnancy problems with my other 3 dc.
Anyway I went on a health kick ate well, drank little and took royal jelly supplements and manuka honey high strength (24 I think). Conceived in nov last year and ds born 12 weeks ago 2 weeks after I turned 43, it may have helped or could be coincidence. I'm sure there are super foods or a detox that would help with liver or kidney function.

Probably you should set yourself a stop date, only you know if you can face another 1 or 2 mc or if you would regret not trying Till it really is too late.
Good luck.

Irishmammybread Thu 25-Oct-12 12:08:27

hi Rosepip sorry to hear about your losses.
I'm 44 and have three dc 19,13 and 8. We had a surprise but very welcome pregnancy early this year that ended in miscarriage at 10-11wks, waited for one cycle tried again,got pregnant but miscarried at 6 weeks.We didn't wait to ttc and I got pregnant again straight away but lost this one at 12 weeks which was particularly hard as we'd seen a good heartbeat in early scans and growth only stopped at 8w6d.
Because of my age and the fact that we have three dc I was told I couldn't get referred for any investigation though I was advised via my GP that I could try taking aspirin and trying again but any pregnancy would only have a 50% chance of succeeding anyway.
We debated whether we should continue, it defies common sense but I have a yearning for another baby now, it feels like there's an empty space in the family so I know how you feel.I feel though that I would regret more not trying again . How long we can keep going I don't know,it is heartbreaking going through recurrent losses.
If you do decide to continue to ttc come and join us on the fantastic 40+ thread on the Conception site,there's lots of support.

Rosepip Fri 26-Oct-12 09:24:24

Thank you for taking the time to reply and I'm sorry to read of your experiences. TTC for me has taken over every thought, so much so, I now have really bad anxiety which I'm sure is caused by the recurrent losses and is making me feel very low. irishmammybread - I totally understand what you mean when you say there is an 'empty space' in the family; I totally adore and worship my 2DC, they are my life but it doesn't take away that yearning. A friend of mine said many years ago - you know in your heart when you're finished having your babies - I just don't feel that way sad

willitbe Tue 06-Nov-12 21:54:27

Rosepip, sorry to read of your suffering recurrent miscarriages. Have you considered going for counselling for the miscarriages. I found it very helpful.

I have had 12 miscarriages one when I was 39 literally just before conceiving my third child (born when I was 40). Since then I have had 11 more miscarriages ranging from 4 to 11 weeks. My later miscarriages were when I took progesterone. I found counselling very helpful to work through the grief, and now age 44 I am feeling much more relaxed about it all. Part of me still feels the gap at the table where our 4th child should have sat, but now having got past all the nappies and with all the children now at school, it is hard for me to imagine going back to the baby stage.

Four years on, we are not actively ttc now, but not preventing either. Now when I get pregnant I no longer expect a baby at the end, but still when pregnany occurs I can't but hope for a miracle.

Fortunately I have not become pregnant for the last few months and it has given me a break from the stress of ttc/being pregnant. I am not at the stage of being willing to use contraception, but am more at peace and much more focussing my energy into enjoying my children.

As long as you are able to cope with another pregnancy, and that your family is not suffering from you being so focussed on ttc and suffering anxiety, then why not keep going. Perhaps go for counselling for the grief of the miscarriages and the subsequent anxiety. Ultimately, it is only a decision that you and your dh can make. I wish you the miracle of another child to fill the aching gap.

Havingkittens Tue 06-Nov-12 22:10:25

Hi Rosepip, I'm sorry for all your losses. It's so shitty, especially when they don't seem to be able to give you the answers you are looking for. I had 4 miscarriages (as well as 2 pregnancies that I had to terminate for chromosomal abnormalities). I was referred to the Recurrent Miscarriage Clinic on the NHS and was told "Well, no, it's obviously not just bad luck because it's happened so many times, but we can't tell you why. It's up to you if you want to persevere, take your chances and hope for the best."

So, I did some research. Quite a lot on here, on various threads. This was one of the main threads that I started on, which I don't think is active now but there's a lot of useful insight if you want to have a read through -

My research, once I'd ruled out any blood clotting issues etc., led me to Mr Shehata at The Miscarriage Clinic where I was tested to see if I had an elevated level of NK Cells, which I did. This basically means that you have a very aggressive immune system. Very helpful in most of life, but can cause the body to reject pregnancy as if it is a foreign body. I was prescribed steroids to dampen my immune system, along with a few other things. I am now 18 weeks pregnant, at 42 (will be 43 in 2 months) after being successfully treated by him. I can't say it was an easy ride as the medication can make you feel a bit shitty but it looks like it's going to be worth it! There is a thread for those of us on his treatment too, if you fancy a look through -

I also recommend having a look at these books -

Miscarriage, what every woman should know by Leslie Reagan
Is your body baby friendly by Dr Beer

Sorry to others too who have been through this heartache. Willitbe, you are one brave lady!

Best of luck to you all. x

ilikemysleep Tue 06-Nov-12 22:21:07

Hi Rosepip

I'll just add, as no-one else has...have you had your vitamin D levels checked? I was like you, had no issues conceiving and had 3 children, but then had a series of early m/c (4 in all, 2 at 4-5 weeks and 2 at 8 weeks) - my GP tested my vitamin D on a hunch - it was deficient - I was put on a massive rescue dose just as I (unkowingly) became pregnant again for the 8th time. In all my 8 pregnancies - including the successful ones - it was the only one where I did not have 1st trimester bleeding and at least 'threatened' miscarriage, and my daughter was born just before my 40th birthday.

Do get a check; you can buy vit D OTC but I don't think the dose would be sufficient to 'top you up' quickly. I was on 40,000 ui a DAY for 10 days and now on 20,000 ui a week for life.

Good luck...

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