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A story of Hope - success after 6 miscarriages

(30 Posts)
MsJL Sat 06-Oct-12 17:56:44

I wanted to tell people a little of my experience as I have turned to mumsnet on various occasions over the last few years.

My last post on here was rather desperate - it was Christmas week and after a three month burst of trying to get pregnant (again) I had just got my period. I was about to turn 38 and was finding it hard to cope with the prospect of Christmas, birthday and New Year.

After my third mc I was referred to St Mary's at Paddington. On the whole I found it a fairly depressing place and experience. We were also lucky enough to get an appt with Mr Shehata at Epsom and St Helier where I had tests for NK cells. We paid to have appointments at Zita West and CARE in Notttingham. Every single investigation came back normal and there were no other tests to be had. It was increasingly hard to draw comfort from normal test results when our experience was one of repeated loss with no explanation and I was approaching my 40's. It was physically and mentally draining and I felt as if my life had been in limbo for three years whilst other people seems to pop out babies with no problem. As I checked off mc after mc I felt that I had to make other people feel better about our loss as they simply didn't know what to say anymore. It was harder for people to offer the usual platitudes and we had to accept that things were unlikely to change. Twice, I called our local authority for adoption information. I found myself feeling completely overwhelmed when I thought about not being a mum and being unable to give my husband our longed for baby. I felt incredibly alone a lot of the time and isolated from many of our friends. I would look for people who had similar experiences (on here) and only found people who already had children despite suffering the horror of repeated mc or people who had specific medical conditions which were resolved by different treatments or medication and whilst my heart went out to them I just felt even more hopeless.

In September of last year after giving ourselves a bit of a break after mc number 6 in March 2011 we decided to try for three months or one more pregnancy as we couldn't keep putting ourselves through the same devasting experience and needed to move on with our lives. In January I discovered I was pregnant again and again I feared I would lose it - I had bleeding at exactly the same stage as the other pregnancies but as the weeks moved on the bleeding stopped, we braced ourselves for an early scan at 9/10 weeks. There was a heartbeat and we were slightly further along than previously so we allowed ourselves to be cautiously optimistic. In reality, I was a bag of nerves but as we progressed through the 12 week scan and then the 20 week scan we relaxed a little.

Our DD was born last month. I've had no treatment and nothing is different to those other 6 pregnancies, apart from this this time (to use Lesley Regan's term) we got our 'take home baby'. Her middle name is 'Hope'.

I am indebted to three people for keeping me sane, my DH, a fantastically warm and witty acupuncturist and an NHS counsellor who I managed to get in my life after much pushing (and two rejections locally). It was worth it.

CaptainHoratioWragge Sat 20-Oct-12 18:50:05

Thank you for starting this thread, MsJL, I can imagine you have other things to do with your time at the moment, and it is much appreciated that you took the trouble.

I have had a very down day today, first AF after MC last month, (my third MC in a row) and your story has given me hope.

MsJL Fri 26-Oct-12 18:39:46

I feel I need to reply to BlameItOnTheCuervForHumanBlood - I hope you will understand that I posted not to boast or to blindly encourage people to relentlessly pursue parenthood but because I had sought support on Mumsnet and wanted to let people know what had happened when my last post of Dec '11 was quite bleak and rather hopeless. It is also mercifully rare to experience such RMC loss with childlessness and I wanted to address the impact that has emotionally, physically and socially.

I'm incredibly sad that you have not had your longed for second child and I wish you every bit of love when you find yourself so dark and low. Have you been offered counselling at all? I was never once offered it and when I asked for it on three separate occasions was told:

1. I wasn't a suitable candidate
2. There was no urgency for me to have it as nothing in my life was going to change (I did mention at this time that I could suffer a further mc and was concerned at my ability to cope with it)
3. There was a 5 month waiting list and I could go on it if I really wanted.

I had to really push to get help, ironically of course at a time when I found it the hardest to be strong. I agree that 14 losses is too much too bear and you're clearly incredibly strong to have come through it and to have made that decision with your DH.

lotsofcheese I was 9+6 when I had my first scan with this pregnancy so I'm hoping that's a good omen. Will you let me know how you get on?

lemonsherbert am sending you much love. Do you have a scan scheduled?

lotsofcheese Fri 26-Oct-12 18:57:50

Thank you for asking, MrsJL My scan was good, dated as 10+2 on Wednesday.

After having such a meltdown on Sunday, I felt strangely calm before the scan & was annoyed at myself for feeling that way!

My DP had to remind me to breathe during the scan! I was so shocked to have a good scan that I wandered around the shops in a complete daze afterwards.

I have another in 2 weeks - fingers crossed till then!!!

MsJL Fri 26-Oct-12 19:54:05

lotsofcheese I am so relieved for you. I completely understand how you feel. I dread scans. At the one (9+6) we had back in January, whilst internally probing me, the consultant said 'tell me about the other pregnancies and at what stage they ended?'. I uttered 'FFS' under my breath and went on to list them. It seemed like forever before he said 'well I've got some good news' I'm not sure that I was really able to believe in the good news until I was handed my daughter!

CapainHoratioWragge I know those days so well and hope that something happened this week to lift you however small. Getting AF, or potential due dates are the days when you just feel floored. Time for a glass of wine for you methinks. In terms of moving on I hope you have been referred for some tests in case it's something restively simple for you. I'm really sorry for your losses.

Cheffie100 Sun 04-Nov-12 20:36:58

Amazing and wonderful story- thanks for sharing

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