I wanted to tell people a little of my experience as I have turned to mumsnet on various occasions over the last few years.
My last post on here was rather desperate - it was Christmas week and after a three month burst of trying to get pregnant (again) I had just got my period. I was about to turn 38 and was finding it hard to cope with the prospect of Christmas, birthday and New Year.
After my third mc I was referred to St Mary's at Paddington. On the whole I found it a fairly depressing place and experience. We were also lucky enough to get an appt with Mr Shehata at Epsom and St Helier where I had tests for NK cells. We paid to have appointments at Zita West and CARE in Notttingham. Every single investigation came back normal and there were no other tests to be had. It was increasingly hard to draw comfort from normal test results when our experience was one of repeated loss with no explanation and I was approaching my 40's. It was physically and mentally draining and I felt as if my life had been in limbo for three years whilst other people seems to pop out babies with no problem. As I checked off mc after mc I felt that I had to make other people feel better about our loss as they simply didn't know what to say anymore. It was harder for people to offer the usual platitudes and we had to accept that things were unlikely to change. Twice, I called our local authority for adoption information. I found myself feeling completely overwhelmed when I thought about not being a mum and being unable to give my husband our longed for baby. I felt incredibly alone a lot of the time and isolated from many of our friends. I would look for people who had similar experiences (on here) and only found people who already had children despite suffering the horror of repeated mc or people who had specific medical conditions which were resolved by different treatments or medication and whilst my heart went out to them I just felt even more hopeless.
In September of last year after giving ourselves a bit of a break after mc number 6 in March 2011 we decided to try for three months or one more pregnancy as we couldn't keep putting ourselves through the same devasting experience and needed to move on with our lives. In January I discovered I was pregnant again and again I feared I would lose it - I had bleeding at exactly the same stage as the other pregnancies but as the weeks moved on the bleeding stopped, we braced ourselves for an early scan at 9/10 weeks. There was a heartbeat and we were slightly further along than previously so we allowed ourselves to be cautiously optimistic. In reality, I was a bag of nerves but as we progressed through the 12 week scan and then the 20 week scan we relaxed a little.
Our DD was born last month. I've had no treatment and nothing is different to those other 6 pregnancies, apart from this this time (to use Lesley Regan's term) we got our 'take home baby'. Her middle name is 'Hope'.
I am indebted to three people for keeping me sane, my DH, a fantastically warm and witty acupuncturist and an NHS counsellor who I managed to get in my life after much pushing (and two rejections locally). It was worth it.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
A story of Hope - success after 6 miscarriages
29 replies
MsJL · 06/10/2012 17:56
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