post miscarriage advice needed

[aMuminwaiting]

Hi, I lost my 6th baby in a row four weeks ago. I got to 16 weeks with no problems at all, everything seemed to be going our way for once, then I had a small bleed and everything changed. My cervix had shortened significantly so they put in an emergency stitch. I was contracting all that night but got through and they sent me home. A week later the contractions hit again and I felt something bulging through. The doctor on call at the hospital was useless and didn't take my stitch out so I lost my baby through it, tearing my cervix in the process. Of course they didn't realise this until the next morning when another doctor was pulling at what she said was placenta only to find it was attached to me! Anyway, within 20mins I was back on the operating table and being stitched up. I didn't stop bleeding until last week. My DH and I then felt ready to have sex...no trying or anything, just get some intimacy back after nearly five months of sex ban. Each time I've bled afterwards. Is this normal at this stage or do you think my cervix hasn't healed? They just said take a break from trying at the hospital not "you can not have sex for x amount of time". In all other miscarriages the rule has been to not have sex until the bleeding has stopped, which I did.
Any advice would be great.
I know, I should go to the GP but getting an appointment is impossible and I'm fed up of having to sit with pregnant women or women with newborns, they seem to find me magnetic!

[messtins]

I'm so sorry to hear your story - it must be horrendous to think that at last things are going your way and then to lose the baby at that late stage . I would think that bleeding after DTD means your cervix is not completely healed. If you don't want to see the GP, can you phone the gynae ward at the hospital where you were treated for advice?

[aMuminwaiting]

Thanks, well I've got an appointment with my GP now but she can't see me until Tuesday. I know its pathetic but I've been avoiding calling the hospital because I am petrified of going back there. I've been having terrible panic attacks for the past few weeks about dying and the thought of going back makes it so much worse. I'm going to mention that to the doctor too. My friend thinks I may have post traumatic stress. I just know I feel like hiding under the duvet all the time.

[OhGood]

I am so sorry. You have been through a really terrible time. I don't have any proper advice to give you about bleeding but it sounds like you're right to mention panic attacks to your doctor. Sounsd like hospital really messed up badly. That must really shake your faith. You have every right to feel like hiding under duvet after what you have been through. I hope you are getting support in RL from friends/family.

Someone will be along soon, I am sure, with some proper advice.

[teaandchocolate]

I'm so sorry for what you've been through, you poor thing. You must feel emotionally and physically drained by it all.

It does sound like your cervix isn't fully healed. I vaguely remember after having surgery on my cervix years ago that I was told to wait 6 weeks for sex but I may be wrong. Do you have any pain or unusual discharge?

The care you received from the hospital sounds terrible. I know you won't feel like it now but I would write down you experience in detail so you don't forget and when you're stronger maybe you/dh could send a letter raising your concerns. It might mean you are treated with more care next time.

If I were you I would see a consultant privately. Not sure if you can afford it but if you find a good one, maybe associated with your hospital they will often do a combination of nhs and private treatment. I saw a consultant privately so paid around £130 for the appointment but he does as much as he can on the nhs (scans and tests) and also gave me his mobile number for any questions which he doesnt charge for. His secretary is great too for sorting things out. Just good to have that reassurance and attention from someone who knows what they're doing.

You will get through this, you are so brave. Sending you a hug

[aMuminwaiting]

Thanks. I do like my consultant but she is good so that means I have long waits to see her. Same with my GP, I know the best one and therefor she is ALWAYS booked up. I'm going to the surgery first thing though and will wait if I have to. I get bright red blood after intercourse and then this very thick sticky discharge mixed with blood a couple of days later. I think you're right, we did do it too soon. But in our defence we are always banned from sex when I'm pregnant so in the past four years of trying to start our family we've actually not had that much sex because I can get pregnant pretty fast.

The panic attacks are probably the worst part this time. My first panic attack about dying was just after my sister died and then over the years with more and more losses they've got far more frequent. I wish I was religious because the must take a large part of the fear away but I'm not and I can't make myself believe. I'm finding it more difficult to keep my mind occupied so of course nights are the worst for me. I can't believe how hard this journey has been. It feels like being a Mum is further away than ever.

[Wolfiefan]

So sorry you have had to go through this. Hope you get proper advice soon. Do they know why you keep mc? 6 is a horrendous number.
Always someone here if you need us.

[aMuminwaiting]

Well with the first (almost 22 weeks) they said placental abruption, then the next four early ones "just one of those things" then this time they said weak cervix. I really have little hope now but don't know what to do because I HAVE to be a Mum.

[teaandchocolate]

Have you had all the tests and they've not found anything? I think that some clotting issues can cause late as well as early mc. But I'm no expert, I find it all very confusing.

I have found accupuncture really helpful for stress and anxiety. Especially one that specialises in fertility. Mine also does hypnotherapy which is great for anxiety.

You've been through an awful ordeal though so its no wonder you're feeling rubbish. I'm sorry that I'm not being hugely helpful but always here if you want to talk/moan

[Wolfiefan]

Can you find NHS procedure? Isn't there an mc assoc? (I know awful thought?!) can you go to GP (take a witness), make notes to get ready and explain why you feel you deserve to see a specialist? It seems a bit of a coincidence to me. I've had two of just one of those things and that was quite bad enough.

[aMuminwaiting]

To be honest I feel like I've been flattened. I have no fight left right now and just want to get my body strong again. I'm just frightened that the suck it and see approach may be more harmful than helpful. My body has been ravaged over the past two years of miscarrying. I now have stretch marks all over my thighs and tummy, brown marks over my tummy from the clexane, my psoriasis has gone mental and my IBS has resurfaced. Oh and my boobies have stretch marks too. I wouldn't mind if I had my baby to show for it!

[aMuminwaiting]

oh and I had all the tests available on the NHS and got refered to St Mary's but they wouldn't see me because by the time the appointment came through I was 6 weeks into the last pregnancy. So now I need to get refered all over again. It's all such a drawn out process and no one in the medical world understands how long it feels when you're desperate to be a parent.

[teaandchocolate]

You poor thing. You sound like you could do with taking a bit of a break from it and getting yourself into the best possible shape. Maybe sort out another referral and while you're waiting focus on yourself - eating well, alternative therapies (reflexology etc), vitamins and exercise, anything you feel is positive. And wine obviously if that helps!!

I know the urge to keep trying is so strong but I think you might feel more nurtured and understood if you see the specialists at st Mary's. I know that most nhs hospitals don't offer that many tests for recurrent mc compared to the very specialist units.

You could also think about counselling. I tried it after my first mc and it was good to be able to talk freely without worrying about boring people. Although ultimately I didn't find it that helpful as think I'm pretty self aware and i knew why i was miserable and stressed - I just wanted a baby!!!

I was so lucky to then have my dd but this year have had another 2 mc. Stress and anxiety can massively affect your general health probably evidenced by your psoriasis and ibs. With me it gives me headaches and really messes up my cycles (have pcos) and am insulin resistant and it affects that too. So while you're waiting for st Mary's I'd thoroughly recommend acupuncture or reflexology to help with general well being. I found it helped loads.

Also have you thought about testing for nk cells? There's quite a lot of talk about them on these boards. I've never been tested but lots of women have had success with the treatment.

[teaandchocolate]

Sorry ignore my comment about nk cells - I don't think they cause 2nd trimester mc. I don't really know enough about all this, just trying to find answers for my own mc at the moment but I'm no scientist!!

[aMuminwaiting]

nk cells has been mentioned but as you say that doesn't really explain my two later miscarriages. I did have bleeds in my first from the start really. Small ones which became heavy ones from about 3 months until I lost him. This last pregnancy I had my clexane ready to go and took it from the moment I got my BFP. I'm certain that helped me get as far as I did with no bleeding then my cervix let me down.
I just want all possible tests done and dusted asap because I'm so very aware of my biological clock ticking. The last thing I need is to then worry my eggs aren't going to be a good enough quality. I did have Bowen before this pregnancy and one session during but the aromatherepy oils were in the room were too much for my morning sickness! I'd like to start going again and do acupuncture but it's £35 a time which for a sole trader is extra money that's not always there.

[teaandchocolate]

I know, it's so expensive! I'm paying £40 a go for acupuncture at the moment and also self employed and don't earn much. Annoyingly have private health cover but they seem to refuse to cover anything which is so frustrating. I stopped acupuncture for a while after last mc as it obviously didn't prevent it but started to get physical symptoms of anxiety and thought I needed to do something. Found a new lady who seems really good so fingers crossed it'll help.

I've seen some threads on here about incompetent cervix and treatment as I had a look when my consultant mentioned mine could be a problem after the last erpc. I carried my dd to 39 weeks but apparently it looks very thin from previous surgery. Anyway, some specific surgeons were mentioned on here so maybe have a look or start a new thread and try to get your gp to specifically refer you?

Its so frustrating having to do all this research yourself but I really think if you don't take charge of your care then noone else will do it for you, especially on the nhs. Just try to keep positive if you can (although i dont take my own advice!!) And talk as much as you can as I'm sure it helps

[aMuminwaiting]

So can they tell how thin the cervix is before you get pregnant? I want to know my chances before putting myself, my DH and another baby through all of this. I did pay for a private scan before getting pregnant last time to check everything was alright in there and nothing abnormal was found.

[teaandchocolate]

My consultant had a look at my cervix when he did my erpc and said it looked like someone had 'had a good go' at it when I had surgery a few years ago. Said I might have problems in future pregnancies and if he'd seen it before I had my dd he'd be worried but the fact I had her ok is a good sign. He said if I get far in a pregnancy again he would want to scan me regularly. So I guess scans are the main way they can tell what state it's in.

However the private clinic I'm seeing later this week said they'll probably do something called a Hysterosalpingogram (hsg) which can diagnose a wide and possibly incompetent cervix (according to prof regans book which I just copied that from!!). It's like an X-ray so might be something to look into?

I'm no expert though as didn't know about this when pregnant with dd. definitely try to find those threads on here. How ru feeling today?

[aMuminwaiting]

Not too bad thanks. I will certainly mention that when I get my referral. It does worry me that if my cervix was not in a good way after the colposcopy and biopsy then it's not going to be any better now it's been stiched, torn and stitched again! I did get to see my GP on Friday and was worried how to explain how terrible I was feeling but when I walked in and she asked how are you doing? I burst into tears so that explained it all for me really! She's referred me for counselling and emailed my consultant's secretary to see if I have to wait for the postmortum results to come back before being referred to St Marys. I've still got blood mixed my cm and would like my period to just some now so I can get that first one out of the way. DH has been super sick all weekend so I've been busy nursing him. He actually turned to me the other days and said "I'm not being sick, but keep feeling like I'm going to be, it's just terrible". Of course his wife who's been pregnant six times could not understand nausea!

[teaandchocolate]

Men don't get it really do they!! Glad you're feeling ok today but it must be so hard for you. I've cried on my gp before! Good that she's referred you for counselling it will hopefully really help you figure out a way to deal with all of this. Try not to worry about your cervix until you've seen a specialist although I know easier said than done - & I admit I'm rubbish at taking that bit of advice.

Your period will come, give it time. And just try to use this time of not being pregnant or trying to just look after yourself and treat yourself if you can. Although I know it a horrible limbo. I feel like im just wasting time waiting but in a way find it much less stressful than when I'm pregnant or trying!

[aMuminwaiting]

Another night of no sleep, paralised with fear about dying. It's a million times worse since this last miscarriage. Anyone else have this?!

[teaandchocolate]

So sorry I've not replied to you sooner. How are you doing today? I hope you're ok. I'd try talking to your gp. Or definitely try acupuncture or reflexology, it's really helped with my anxiety. I also spend quite a bit of time worrying generally but also specifically about my daughter and something happening to her. I guess miscarriages make you realise that bad things can happen. But I know there's no point in stressing and I try to push those thoughts away as they're so negative in every way. Hope you're ok. Sending you a big hug

[aMuminwaiting]

Not too bad in the head! I've been really busy with work. But am still concerned about down there. I haven't DTD since the new blood saga but I'm still getting tons and I mean tons of really thick cm mixed with blood when I wipe. It's really sticky like wallpaper paste (tmi?!). This morning I woke up to feeling really itchy down there just inside. My piles are also acting up which generally only happens when I'm pregnant. It hurts to walk which makes taking my dog out each day very unpleasant. I really hoped someone would have examined me by now to make sure it was all alright but when I saw my GP she said she didn't want to examine me because my body needs time to get over what's happened and not be poked about with. She didn't want to examine me when I had problems early in the pregnancy either so I'm starting to think she just doesn't like doing them!

[teaandchocolate]

Maybe try seeing another gp? They shouldnt make you feel silly for asking to be examined - it's embarassing enough as it is!! Could be thrush as that can often appear when your hormones are up & down and can be treated really easily but is soooo uncomfortable and could explain the discharge. Get gp to give u something for piles too, it's ridiculous the suffer in silence and you might as well try to sort all that out before you need to start worrying about getting pregnant again!! Your gp should listen to all your concerns and surely its up to you whether you want to e messed about with! Obviously not best way to spend your time but you've definitely been through worse so cant imagine you're massively phased by a quick swab!!

[aMuminwaiting]

No indeed! I even did a swab myself and took it with me. And a pee test...but she said to "wait and see how things go". The wait and see thing GPs do drives me insane. The telly is bombarding me with adverts about catching cancer early (that 1in3 people get cancer ad is the most depressing) but it's not really up to us is it? I was worried when I started bleeding badly anally last year about 8 weeks after a D&C and have had it ever since. I take stuff for it but when it's bad there's not really much I can do to help myself. And I've had mid cycle bleeding since I lost my first baby but they won't do a swab and I'm not due for a smear for ages now. And to top things off...my GP is supposed to be the best for 'women's issues'. The first GP I saw there told me to go to her because he knew nothing about women's things and couldn't help!

[teaandchocolate]

That sounds rubbish!! To be honest even if they think your fears are totally unfounded they should take you seriously and do the bloody tests even if it's just to stop you going crazy!! Try to see someone else if you can or do you have private insurance & could get referred?

It's all so frustrating isn't it? It's not as if you would choose to be in this position and it really annoys me when gps have no empathy. Hope you get it all sorted. Sounds horrid for you.