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just want a hug...

(16 Posts)
Mytimewillcomebutwhen Mon 01-Oct-12 12:43:07

I should be 29 weeks pregnant. I'm not. Early MC. Close friend just had a baby. Feeling so sad, and such a horrible person for being sad. I'm not a bad friend, just... Does anyone understand? Please?

jumpingjackhash Mon 01-Oct-12 12:45:57

Hi there, I understand and feel for you.

It's not easy, it might get easier (I'm hoping!) but for the time being, have a ((hug)) from me and let it all out.

Take care of yourself, no one will think you're a bad friend.

nananaps Mon 01-Oct-12 12:46:40

yup, its awful, no two ways about it, it rips your heart out as weeks go by.

The worse bit is feeling annoyed/irritated/jealous of really lovley friends as they have their babies with no problems at all.
If you are like me, this isnt me, not at all.

For this reason, i never ever look at due dates etc. I cant bear it.

It does get a bit better, but never goes away.
You are not a bad person for feeling this way, its normal and natural xx

messtins Mon 01-Oct-12 13:54:19

(((( mytime )))) You're not horrible, you're grieving. It's very hard to watch others get so easily what has caused you so much pain. Even lovely friends who you wish nothing but the best, you can't help feeling "why them and not me?". It does get a bit easier as time goes on. I've been through the whole process once after a MC in 2009 and now doing it all again after a MC 3 weeks ago. The only difference is this time I recognise the stages (ah look, here is the green-eyed monster come to visit) and I know it does gradually get easier.

Your time will come. I hope it is soon.

Tamisara Mon 01-Oct-12 16:28:30

No, you're not horrible, just normal.

My DD2 was stillborn at 37 weeks, nearly a year ago, and a friend of mine is 5 months pregnant. I suspect she is having a girl, though she hasn't said, we both have 2yr old DDs. I am so envious. I should have two little girls, and I now only have one, my other one died.

I know how you feel... have a (((HUG))) xx

butterfly86 Mon 01-Oct-12 17:17:26

Know exactly how you feel had a 2nd missed miscarriage 3 weeks ago first was in may. I feel sad, angry, bitter, jealous and it's not me at all I feel terrible for having these feelings but cant help it. Someone very close to me is pregnant at the minute and cannot bear to see them its too raw i keep thinking why is it ok for you and not me. We have no children either so its extremely hard but hopefully we will get there one day. Big hugs x

Mytimewillcomebutwhen Mon 01-Oct-12 18:14:29

Thank you, all of you. I want to say that it's nice that people understand but that sounds like I'm pleased in some way that it's happened to you, and I'm not. I would rather none of us were on here feeling bitter and sad. I posted earlier cos a friend had her baby, and them found out a second friend had hers too; two new babies, on one day. Its not the babies or my friends that make me sad, it's just the reminder that my baby should be nearly here. Still crying, so I'm definitely not doing well today. I'm dreading Christmas - my due date was 23 December. We had told MIL I was pg n she wasn't very nice about it. Sitting about eating feckin turkey with her will be real great this year... Sorry. I know most of this is a bit random. I'm just not doing that great. Sorry x

Mytimewillcomebutwhen Mon 01-Oct-12 18:17:32

I would also like to say something to each of you but my phone keeps hiding you all when I try to type and im a bit brain dead so keep forgetting bits. It's kind of you to share your stories. I've not really had much support and it means a lot that you care enough to share your sadness with some random woman. So thank you x

imperialstateknickers Mon 01-Oct-12 18:18:02

Here's the <hug>, also some more tissues and a virtual dart, a virtual dartboard, and a virtual photo of MIL that you can stick on the dartboard and chuck missiles at.

teaandchocolate Mon 01-Oct-12 19:27:45

So sorry you're having a rubbish time. I feel the same to be honest. Had 2 mc this year (& one before my DD). Three of my best friends are due when I should have been (from 3rd mc) and are all starting to show. My other due date is coming up and I'm still not even vaguely pregnant. Feel like everyone I know either has a newborn or is pregnant. There's nothing anyone can say to make you feel better just try to stay positive and not stress as its not good for you physically (I speak from experience). I find acupuncture helps me feel like I'm doing something.

Oh and I totally 'get' the irrational thoughts! My newest one is that my baby name will be used by one of my friends...ridiculous I know but just popped into my head when I was awake at night worrying about mc!

lotsofcheese Mon 01-Oct-12 19:58:12

mytime my due date was 25th Dec. On top of that, we nearly lost DS on Xmas eve in 2008 - it was touch & go if he's make it through the nightsad So yes, it will be a bittersweet time for me & I must put a brave face on it for DS.

Miscarriages are shite, there's no other word for it. I will always mourn for the babies I lost. I don't think you ever get over a miscarriage, you just find some way of trying to move forward. And then every so often it just hits you.

All these feelings you described are normal. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling that way - if anything, try to be kind to yourself.

whiterose2011 Tue 02-Oct-12 08:07:11

So sorry that you are feeling like this. It's rubbish isn't it? We found out last night that a colleague of my dh is expecting his first baby and has just announced it. We had our first mc on 22nd Sept, 1 week after I should have had 12 week scan and so should have had some good news of our own to share. I'm pleased for them but feel so gutted for us that it ended like it did. I feel so emotional today and really don't know how'll I'll make it through the day. Not had my first AF after mc yet so can't start ttc again. It feels like this has been going on for months and not a few weeks. I hope there are no other little announcements pending....not sure if I can take any more at the moment. sad

jumpingjackhash Tue 02-Oct-12 11:39:16

Is there anything else you can do at Christmas to avoid having to spend too much time with your MIL?

FWIW my first mc was last October and on the date I was due this summer I shed a tear but was feeling much stronger than I thought / worried I might. My second mc was a few weeks ago (just getting over the physical side) and I'm still feeling very fragile emotionally - again wondering how I'll cope on what would be our due date (13 April).

Please, please don't try to bottle your feelings up, I've found MN a great place to share and just get it out. Sadly you're not alone here, but you will find support.

messtins Tue 02-Oct-12 13:08:18

I second the suggestion to do something else at Christmas. Your due date will probably be a tough time - is there any way you can go away for a few days? My due date for my first MC was my birthday sad and both my living children have been born on their exact dates, so we'd quite likely have shared a birthday, and now it will always be tinged with sadness.

Dappylittlemomma Thu 04-Oct-12 04:17:14

Have a hug from me also. I'm at work on my first day back after a MC at 11 weeks. A colleague has just bounded up with her exciting 'I'm pregnant' news- I feel a little dead inside. Another colleague is moaning about how tough 3rd trimester is, I'm trying hard not to scream how bloody lucky she is and she has nothing to complain about. Miscarriages are just grim. Go away for Christmas and do something completely different. If your MIL wasn't kind to you she doesn't deserve to spend Christmas with you. X

newtonupontheheath Thu 04-Oct-12 04:31:50

I third/fourth spending Christmas somewhere else if you want to/can.

I had a mmc last year (November) and still went to the inlaws for Christmas. I found it really hard, bloody awful in fact and made DH promise we would do our "own thing" in future... No matter what that future was.

You should be able to do what you want to grieve.

Fwiw... My actual due date want as bad as I thought it would be, it was more the run up and the fear of how I would feel. It's very personal though. My DH is dreading this November more


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