I cry every time I see a pregnant woman... this isn't normal?

[whywhywhyme]

I've had two miscarriages, the first 18 months ago at 16 weeks, and the second was 6 weeks ago at 6 weeks. After the first one I had a lot of support but I 'got over it' pretty quickly and didn't break down for no reason. After the second one I am a complete wreck. I haven't stopped thinking about it for one minute. I think it has just concreted the thought that it will never happen for me, or not easily. Nobody knows about my second miscarriage apart from DH, not even my GP (long story but I could NOT get an appointment or even a phone call for love nor money, it was terrible and I was terrified, I am actually considering a formal complaint about it all.)

I can't look at a pregnant woman without feeling teary, not even in magazines/newspapers, I cry and cry with jealousy and injustice. I can't look at anyone with a young baby, I am so jealous I can't hold myself together. I was in tears on the bus the other day when a woman was cooing over her gorgeous little baby.

I found out just now (through facebook) that a girl I was at school with has a 2 year old, and I found myself thinking why her and not me? I would never wish she didn't have her baby, but why am I being denied a child when my peers are having children?

I am only 23, I have years left to keep trying, but I can't shake this almost-panic over needing a baby.

Does it ever get better? What if I never carry a baby full term, how do you deal with that?

Sorry this is so long.

[whywhywhyme]

I should add that these were my only two pregnancies in four years of unprotected sex, 1-2 times a day, every day. It seems like it's not meant to be, and it terrifies me

[StaceymReadyForNumber3]

Sometimes there is no discernible reason why you can't get pregnant but after 4 1/2 years you should go for some tests to help give you piece of mind.

As for the crying and jealousy it is completely natural, be kind to yourself and i know it's a cliche but time is a great healer!

[hopefulgum]

I'm so sorry for your losses.

It is completely normal to feel the way you do. Losing a baby, or more than one baby, is devastating. I never knew how much it could hurt until it happened to me.

I've had three losses, and I just want to tell you that it does get easier. I was like you are, sad when I saw a pregnant woman or baby. But time does heal the sadness. Now when I see pregnant women I say to myself,"that will be me one day soon".

You are young, and you do have time, but it wouldn't hurt to see a doctor about it. I had loads of testing after my second miscarriage,and though it didn't show anything(mine are probably due to my age, I'm now 45), it helped to know that I'd ruled out some of the common reasons for miscarriage.

It may also help to talk to a counselor. Although I didn't do this, I did have a lovely care-giver (my acupuncturist) who listened and held my hand while I cried,and it really helped to have that nurturing.

I hope things get better for you.

[Rhubarb78]

It is totally normal to feel the way you do, I would even look at people's stomachs all the time and then get upset if they were pg, don't even know why I looked. One thing that helped me with random pg strangers was the thought that I didn't know what they had been through to get where they are, how do you know that those pg people hadn't also had 2 or even more miscarriages? I dont know why, but that helped me. My 1st son was stillborn, my second pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I now have a ds, when I was pg with ds I saw a woman leave the hospital with a memory box and I thought that it probably looks on the outside like I don't have a care in the world. I also went for acupuncture, my therapist was like a counsellor and treated my mind as well as my body to prepare it for pregnancy and I think the fact I was actively doing something to help me move forward and get pg helped. I wish you lots of luck op, it's awful to be in the place you are in at the moment but it doesn't last forever, it will get better

[Geekster]

So sorry for what you are going through whywhywhyme. It is totally normal to be feeling the way you are. Loosing a baby through miscarriage is a bereavement like any other bereavement you will take time to get over it. You need to be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve. I know it sounds cliched but time does help. It doesn't feel at the moment that you will ever get over it, but it will hurt less. I had six miscarriages myself before I had dd in march. I went through some very dark times and thought it would never happen. I know. At the moment that it's probobally not helpful in some ways to hear that. But honestly it will get better. I wish you the best of luck for next time, and remember its not your fault and take care of yourself.