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Holy mother of CRAP..this was defo NOT part of my plans...what the jeff do i do??

(677 Posts)
nosleepwithworry Wed 06-Jun-12 10:52:19

I had my 7th mcs about 9 weeks ago (i think, i didnt write any dates down, have little memory of about 2 weeks during the time, due to the drugs i was pumped with)
In short, i dont know when it occurred.

Ive sought councelling because i have never talked about my mcs ever, to any one.(well, only to you lot smile)
Additionally, i am coming up 42, and thught that that was IT the end, no more, even went and got the pill.

Patiently waiting for my period so that i could start taking the damned thing.
No af as yet.
Feeling much better in myself, councelling really really helping, im on a healthy eating mission (thanks to myfitnesspal) doing really well.

Accepting everything, although the grief has been overwhelming at times sad.

So af still not here, so bought a cheepy test, thought that all pregnancy hrmones will now be gone...this far after mc....almost immediately a pink line came up.

We dtd only a couple of normally took me up to 22 months to concieve so this has floored me...completely and totally. Do not know what the jeff i should do?????????
All calming words of wisdom very much appreciated....i know i know, theres no fool like an old fool.. sad

nosleepwithworry Mon 11-Jun-12 20:44:45

sorry, just to add, i never ever do a preg test after my mcs, there is very little point as they show positive up to 2 weeks after my mcs are complete with no further bleeding. (did them after 1st or 2nd mc, cant remember)

TheOneWithTheHair Mon 11-Jun-12 20:54:04

Hi nosleep. I have no experience of this but I just wanted to say you sound like one hell of a brave lady to me.

Congratulations. I have everything crossed for you. smile

OddBoots Mon 11-Jun-12 21:00:54

Oh, what a shock for you. It sounds like you have a plan for however things go but I'm really hoping hard for you.

willitbe Wed 13-Jun-12 13:04:12

nosleep - I had retained products with no discharge/temperature or any other sign that I was still pregnant other than positive pregnancy test. I was very very very shocked to pass an 8week old pregnancy sac (having ovulated in between!) But having said that, I was not getting strong pregnancy tests, they were gradually getting weaker over time, so it does sound like you may well be having a new pregnancy.

I am glad to hear that the councelling has helped you, it definitely helped me.

I hope that you get the miracle this time. I hope you don't get to the point I have where I can no longer remember hope many m/c's I have had and have to look it up to find out! (just looked it up, I have had 12 m/c's, 11 in the last 4 years). Just take one day at a time right now, and keep up the mantra that "today I am pregnant" and I will keep up the hope that you get your miracle of a successful pregnancy.

I will be looking out for your updates to see how you are doing.

nosleepwithworry Wed 13-Jun-12 13:14:18

Wilitbe wilitbe you must be my magic special hope!

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went in to work today.....was told to go home again as i am on annual leave....hadnt realised. blush
Thought while i was there i would bob into EPAU for advice re the retained products.(i work in a hospital), they said they would take blood for HCG, and do a quick scan to look for retained products....

Did internal and the sonigrapher said "right ,what are we looking for here?"
i said "retained products, i mc about 8 weks ago"
she said "oh, not this little baby with a heart beat then?"

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was there, a real baby shape with a flicking strong heart beat...right there on the screen!

I always have blighted ovums, so empty sacs.......i just cannot believe it!


nosleepwithworry Wed 13-Jun-12 13:30:14

They gave me a picture, so im putting it into a card for DH for Sunday, fathers day...YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

willitbe,i have never met anyone in RL who has had as many mcs as me, let alone 12 like you and i get what you are saying completely about loosing count.
I also never ever look up due dates, or document when i have mcs.
This makes it easier to forget and means that i do not have any significant dates to get past.
I have created a fantastic blanket of protection and denial, perfected over years and years.
The councelling has helped to unpeel that blanket of protection, i was terrified of what this would uncver, but, dunno about you, it has helped me so much to actually expose and talk and bring it to the forefront.
I suppose what i have learned is that actually, what has happened to me is utterly horrendous, and horrific. I have realised the trauma of it becuase it just never occurred to me!!!!
People have awful awful things happen to them in life, my situation never compared in my head. I downplayed it so very well.

But 7 miscarriages, each and every one physically and mentally torturous are a terrible thing to happen to some one, terrible.

Also ironically, i went to councelling to help me to accept that i will never have another child. To get my head around it and put it to bed. I was definitely getting there.
I plucked up the courage to go and get advice re contraception, i plucked up the courage to get that prescription and had it in my head that i would take that pill every day. This went against what i had been doing for the last 5 years or so.
That is how far i had come.

What about you? Are you still trying? Have you ever had any answers about your mcs? How have you coped with the grief and trauma?
I hope you dont mind talking to me about this x

CointreauVersial Wed 13-Jun-12 13:34:25

OMG, fingers crossed for you, OP, it sounds like you soooo deserve this one to work.

5madthings Wed 13-Jun-12 13:43:09

oh wow, a bean with a heartbeat! exciting and very positive news, i shall be keeping everything crossed for you xxx

Jokat Wed 13-Jun-12 13:50:14

I'm so so happy for you, what amazing news! So if your previous mcs always happened following a blighted ovum, doesn't that mean this pregnancy has a very good chance of being successful?

nosleepwithworry Wed 13-Jun-12 13:57:51

hi, well blighted ovum is the cause of all but 2 of my mcs.
I have a 9 year old son, so he was there on scan at 12 weeks.
One other there was a baby with hb, but that one died a day or two after scan at 8 weeks, mc was very quick.

So today everything is ok for me, but tomorrow may not be. I dont hold out hope that this will be ok. I am just so happy that there is a baby there as this isnt usual for me, feel a little way there, where as usually, i have absolutely no hope.
grin happy happy happy!

Incaminka Wed 13-Jun-12 14:03:58

So, so, so pleaaed for you, and you have givrn me a wee bit of hope! :-)

nosleepwithworry Wed 13-Jun-12 14:07:36

Hi incaminka! are you xxxxxxx Lovely to see you again.

Look at how i had given up all hope...look what happened to me....dont lose hope my lovely xx

nosleepwithworry Wed 13-Jun-12 14:08:25

Incaminka, you are the lady with the cats arent you grin you were so very kind to me a while back x

LittleWhiteWolf Wed 13-Jun-12 14:18:27

I've just read this thread and I so hope this pregnancy progresses for you. I had an mc and an mmc in 2011, the latter of which ended in an ERPC. Then I had a successful pg and had my son this April. Am crossing everything for you!

Incaminka Wed 13-Jun-12 14:23:27

Keeping things crossed for you!
yes, cats - expecting an oops litter of half siamese any day now!
Been using opks but nothing yet, still we are practicing anyway; -)

bumbez Wed 13-Jun-12 14:31:45

Fingers crossed for you!

ShowOfHands Wed 13-Jun-12 14:32:53

grin I LOVE this thread.

Brilliant brilliant brilliant.

TheOneWithTheHair Wed 13-Jun-12 15:50:51

I think the card and picture is a wonderful idea. Is it a secret till then? How will you cope not showing dh?

nosleepwithworry Wed 13-Jun-12 15:55:28

NO!!!! think im gonna BURST before Sunday!!!
He is going to be exstatic, absolutely over the moon grin

Might just burst out of me tonight!
Ive bought him some little smiley chocolates from Thorntons...gonna give him them first....griiiiiiin grin

TheOneWithTheHair Wed 13-Jun-12 16:00:43

So does he not even know you are pregnant yet? This is sooo exciting. grin

nosleepwithworry Wed 13-Jun-12 16:05:07

oh yes he knows i am pregnant but does not know i have a baby in there iyswim!
We always have an empty gestational sac, never a baby when scanned!
He didnt know i was going to EPAU today...neither did i, it wasnt planned!

Cant wait till he comes home form work now!

TheOneWithTheHair Wed 13-Jun-12 16:15:52

He's not going to know what's hit him. I have everything crossed for you. smile

WheresMyCow Wed 13-Jun-12 16:36:11

Keeping everything crossed for you nosleep smile

kittykatsforever Wed 13-Jun-12 19:23:46

What an amazing lovely thread, you sound brimming with happiness and I dont blame you!!! Did they say how far? A heartbeat doesn't show till abit later does it? X

willitbe Wed 13-Jun-12 20:59:05

Yippy - hey this is making me grin like a cheshire cat, so pleased for you. It is wonderful news. I bet you don't even give your dh time to see the happy face choccies before you burst out and tell him!!!!

We are still trying, all be it in that we are not actually using contraception and since I am very aware of my fertile times in my cycle, I can't say we are avoiding the possibility of another pregnancy. I still feel that maybe there will be a little miracle for me (as well as you!!!), I have been through so many consultants being investigated and there are little answers that I have got. Possible clotting problem while pregnant (TEG test) but not when not pregnant, for this they recommend asprin (and heperin injections), also since I have been tested as slightly ANA+ on one occasion I am now being prescribed prednisolone for pregnancy, then of course there is the good old.... lets give you progesterone too. I have tried so many permuations and combinations and totally lost trust in the hospitals, so the only way I get through things now is through my little "today I am pregnant" mantra and the trying to not think about it (impossible!).

If in a couple of weeks (as ovulating now) I get a positive test, I expect to just test everyday watching the tests get darker, and not going for scan until I reach over 8 weeks. If I get passed 6 weeks I will get more councelling to help with talking through my hopes and fears too. Each of the miscarriages I have had have been very different, and some I found harder than others to deal with. But each one I needed to acknowledge and process the grief. My grief has been compounded by the treatment I have recieved at the local hospital. Things like scans within half an hour of each other one being told m/c all over and no retained products and normal uterine lining size and the other that my lining still thickened and would still have more to lose. Another time I was told by a junior doctor with regards to my scan results "well you will be glad to know you don't have cancer". Things like this have added to the grief and hindered my acceptance of what is going on each time. Last time I purposefully did not tell GP or hospital that I was pregnant, and booked a private scan at 9 weeks. I think that with recurrent m/c's you just have to do whatever feels right for you.

I am so excited for you seeing that you have had such a positive and encouraging scan today. I am really happy for you, and look forward to hearing how your husband takes the news tonight!

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