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How long til it stops taking you by surprise? Just need some comforting words please.

(11 Posts)
howlong Tue 01-May-12 08:34:13

I lost my baby girl at 16 weeks. She was due 2 weeks ago. Today one of my oldest friends is having her baby girl and we should have been doing this together. I feel like I have been punched in the stomach and it is unwelcome. I am happy for everyone I know having babies but this in particular I am finding really hard, we would have had two little girls two weeks apart.

I am surprised by how sad it has made me feel today. I thought this physical pain was long gone. I don't want to tell anyone how I am feeling as it was a while ago now and I don't want them to think I am not coping as I am, just not today. So I am turning to strangers! But any words of comfort would be much appreciated today, and then tomorrow I expect I will be back to normal. TIA

littleshinyone Tue 01-May-12 08:40:50

you have every reason to feel sad. Just reading your post i can sense the pain, and how unfair this is.

i wish i could say something more constructive.

Big hug and best wishes

Wolfiefan Tue 01-May-12 08:47:21

My best friend and I were pg at the same time. I mc. She didn't. I then got pg. I remember saying that if I mc again I may not feel able to visit her and newborn initially. Selfish? She didn't think so.
You are allowed to find it difficult. Grieving is hard.
I didn't mc. Now have 2 kids but will never forget that first mc.

howlong Tue 01-May-12 13:04:16

Thanks. Everyone has been very understanding but I am losing patience with myself! Checked facebook this morning and another close friend who was due next week has had hers today as well! Seeing 2 birth announcements today, so soon after what would have been my due date, has made me realise what I lost. I can see what I should have had by now and it would have been lovely.

Wolfiefan Tue 01-May-12 14:34:37

Hoping for future loveliness for you. Be patient and look after yourself.

loveisagirlnameddaisy Tue 01-May-12 18:23:49

Block FB for the time being! It's natural for others to post things like that but they have no idea how gut-wrenching it is for someone in your position. Good luck vibes for the future and take care.

bibindum Tue 01-May-12 23:17:33

I had a mmc at 17 weeks, 1st May was his due date last year I now have a gorgeous 3 month old and feel very very blessed but still think of what might have been. I also really struggled to be around close friends and their babies, don't be too hard on yourself, allow yourself to grieve but have hope too xx

knowitallstrikesagain Wed 02-May-12 08:19:19

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

heidipi Wed 02-May-12 10:06:25

Just wanted to echo what others have said, it is completely natural to have these feelings at a time like this and it doesn't mean you aren't happy for your friend. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up.

I've just mc'd and had the same due date as a friend - it's a way off but I really hope i'm 'convincingly' pg when she has her baby as otherwise i know it will be extra tough. I wouldn't say this too anyone in RL and it even feels wrong saying it here! But I know really that we can't help how we feel.

Take care and feel free to rant. I've found MN to be a great support.

Moominsarescary Thu 03-May-12 07:09:56

howlong sorry for your loss, I lost a son in September at 20 weeks. I also have a friend and also fb friends who were due around the same time.

It's been 3 months now since my dd and I still have the occasional day where the pain feels like it was only yesterday that we lost him. I also struggle with seeing fb pictures of the babies that were due the same time.

However for me it has gradually gotten easier since I've gotten past my dd. I think there will always be bad days, and not a day goes by that I don't think about him but it does get easier with time x

TwllBach Thu 03-May-12 07:18:04

I was pregnant last year around the same time as DPs boss but I mcd at about 11 weeks. I was purposefully late to pick DP up so many times just to avoid seeing her and, once, had to pull over to the side of the road in floods of tears because I passed her when she should have been in work and wasn't because she had morning sickness and was going in late.

She's just had her baby and I know it was a really traumatic birth but I can't yet bring myself to ask after them properly or suggest visiting because it makes my heart clench.

Im with you OP and hoping that it gets easier. I don't think you should be impatient with yourself though - maybe in a couple of weeks or do when the baby doesn't look quite so 'new' it won't be so hard for you to visit? I'm sure your friends won't be thinking badly of you either, just sad for your loss.

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