Day 4 of waiting to mc...

[heidipi]

After some bleeding on Sunday and into Monday I went for an early scan which confirmed that the baby stopped growing at 8+3, which was 3 weeks earlier, should have been 11+3 that day. Awful, awful - I'd waited and waited to contact the doc and midwife and it turns out that the very day I saw the doc and phoned the mw was when the baby died. I was exhausted for the rest of that week and spent most of it arguing with DP, when all the time our poor baby was already lost.

Anyway after the scan I opted to come home, bleeding got heavier on Tuesday afternoon for a few hours and has been coming and going ever since but only 1 small clot, nothing has come away that looks like the sac. I've read the practicalities of mc thread, which is so helpful - but the info we got from the hospital just says "it is likely you will have some vaginal bleeding during the first 2 weeks", that bleeding will last 2 - 3 weeks, then it should stop and I should feel much better. That's it - nothing at all about expecting to see clots or the sac, or a big gush.

So I'm just confused about what to do and expect - if what's happening now is it, I could carry on as normal, just taking it easy, but at the moment I'm staying mostly at home, wearing 2 pads and sitting on a towel all the time, DP working from home and taking this afternoon and tomorrow off to look after DD in case I can't and so he can take her out instead of keeping her cooped up. But I don't think I can keep this up for another 10 days, the waiting is killing me already. I'm self employed and mostly work from home except on Mondays when I go into an office 40 miles away - this Mon I fibbed and said DD was ill, but if I don't go next week I'll have to come clean or look really dodgy so I'm worrying about that already too. I'm wondering if instead of resting I should go for a brisk walk to get things moving, like they tell you to for labour.

I'm sorry, this is just a rant really, I want someone to tell me what's happening and what to do but no-one can. As if having an mc wasn't bad enough, add in all this waiting and it's really torture.

Hugs and thoughts to those of you going through the same at the moment, I'm so sorry we're all here.

[soveryfedup]

I'm sorry for your loss heidipi :( is a shit time.

have you thought to ring your local EPAU unit to ask what you should do? They might want you to go in if it is taking a while or might reassure you to just sit tight... or be normal... If you want to go in to have the medical management option they will be able to book you in very soon, if that is an option, then you aren't waiting any more.

Don't know if that is any help but hope you are ok. because it is going on a bit i would call them if I were you, they might worry a bit about the risk of infection... but I don't know ;0)

[heidipi]

Thank you for replying so very, I've got a phone appointment with the EPAU booked for 10 days time, that was where I had the scan and they said I can phone before then and go in to have medical management if I want to but from what they said on Monday I don't think they will think it is taking a particularly long time at the moment.

They nurse there did say it could take up to 2 weeks but to be honest I just thought she was giving me the worst case, and that as the bleeding had started it must be on the way. It's practically stopped today.

I just don't know whether to carry on more or less as normal (wearing extra knickers and taking a change of clothes everywhere) or stay home. Everyone in RL seems to think I should be in bed resting but nothing's happening and I'm not tired, DP's using up holiday, and I've got too much time to think.

One good thing is that there may be no-one in the office I work in on Mondays after all, if so I could work from home without having to explain why.

I think if nothing has happened after the weekend I'll arrange to go in for MM. I just don't really want to be on a ward with all that sadness, though that prob sounds harsh.

Thanks for replying, I'm ok, just in this very sad limbo.

[soveryfedup]

Honestly, ring the EPAU now and tell them what you wrote here, they will tell you what to expect and what to do, even if you are worried they are simply repeating themselves. They will have an idea about whether to rest up or just carry on. They really won't mind at ALL, and at the mo you need to be able to focus on what you can do and on looking after yourself emotionally, armed with as much knowledge as you can get, rather than wasting energy wondering what is up when someone may be able to tell you? if you don't want to ring the only thing you can do is follow your instincts and do what feels right for you.

take care x

[soveryfedup]

ps didn't mean to sound so bossy .

take care of yourself :) x

[brooke89]

So sorry for your loss I know how hard this part is, I had a mc last February. The bleeding I had was no heavier than a normal period, I did have a few cramps but nothing too severe and just carried on as normal whilst all was happening. I found that I couldn't sit and wait for it to happen and wanted it to all be over before it had even started! I hope you're ok, take it easy xx

[harrietlichman]

Hi heidipi - I am in the same situation as you - I went in last Thursday for an early scan (9 wks pg) as I had had 3 previous mc's. As I had had no bleeding I was blissfully unaware that I this one had stopped at 6 wks, so had been walking round for 3 weeks, looking at travel systems, thinking of names etc, while all the time not pregnant anymore. I have another appointment in two weeks time at the EPU, where they will do medical management if necessary - they signed me off work and told me to go home and wait it out. I spend the first few days as you are, waiting for it to start (as I said I have had three before - the first two were like brooke89's - heavy period) but the 3rd was terrible - painful, heavy flooding etc) I am now going out and about a bit more as I can't just sit here waiting for it to happen, but I feel very much in limbo and just want this to be over. Even with my last terrible one though, it started slowly and built up (light bleeding for two or three days) so I am expecting this one to be the same (rather than a sudden agony/bleeding) but it seems to me that everyone is different. Hope you are being good to yourself and getting some love and support.

[heidipi]

Not bossy at all sovery, a firm talking to is probably just what I need! If I'm still feeling the same tomorrow I will ring the EPAU and see what they say, promise.

Thank you brooke and harriet, so sorry to hear of your losses and that you are going through it now too harriet, what an awful shock with no warning. It does help to hear about your experiences, and I think I will get out more in the next few days - DP is off work now til Monday so if we all go out together I won't be so worried about something drastic happening as I am while I'm on my own with DD.

Thanks again for all your help, it really makes a difference. Harriet I hope you're being well looked after too, do take care.

[harrietlichman]

I have found all of you on here invaluable in the last few days. RL has let me down a little (apart from my fab SIL and one good friend.) People have seemed to have the attitude that it's just an early mc, not like losing an actual baby, which of course is not true to ME - I have lost the future as I pictured it. I will get over it, I know I will, as we all will. But I will be changed somehow.

[heidipi]

Me too. I've talked in more detail on here than in real life, partly cos I don't want to freak people out with the detail and most of my younger friends are hoping to be pg soon or again.

Harriet that is really shocking though, especially as you have had more than 1 loss. I imagine it must get worse each time emotionally. I hope this is over soon for us all. Take care.

[brooke89]

Look after yourselves ladies, mn helped me so much afterwards, it was great to hear from people who knew exactly what I was going through and could answer my questions!

[WhatDreamsMayCome]

How are you feeling this afternoon, Heidi?
There's no reason for you to be in bed unless you want to be although, I wouldn't go too far from home, if at all, if bleeding becomes heavier. I can only speak from my own experience, the bleeding became a bit heavier and the cramps a little more obvious as time progressed and I felt very tired and got into bed. When you go to the loo, it may be loose - another sign of progression for me.

Keep warm, treat yourself to some delicious food and know that others mnetters are here if you need a hand holding. Sorry you are going through this.

[heidipi]

Hi Whatdreams, I'm feeling calmer today thanks. More cramps but less bleeding, don't know what that means though. Had a kind of normal day - took DD to playgroup this morning then DP took her out this afternoon and I lay on the sofa and watched crap TV (not that I normally do that).

I can definitely work from home on Mon with no questions asked and I do the rest of my work from home anyway so more relaxed about that too.

I'm up and down but at the moment feel that at least every day is 1 closer to getting back to normal.

Hope everyone's doing ok today.

[heidipi]

Just thought I'd update as I'm now a week into this, bleeding got heavier on Friday night (but still no pain or clots), then subsided and now has almost completely stopped.

Phoned the EPAU this morning and they said it doesn't sound like it is over yet but they offered me a scan so am having that on Weds. At that stage I think I will decide to go in and have MM rather than keep waiting as I'm finding the waiting hard and just want to get it over with now.

I feel ok in myself at the moment, actually felt like I was starting to get back to normal - but so much for that. Thanks heavens for the Practicalities thread and the sovery's MM thread though, so much more helpful than the hospital leaflets, though the person I spoke to on the phone just now was great.

[heidipi]

So I had the scan today and everything has gone, my womb is empty. I wax shocked actually, relieved that i don't have to have MM or anything else but feel bad that it's gone without me knowing. I got off light physically then, no pain and just like a heavy period.

The nurses and sonographer were lovely and so kind when I was upset, but saw a vague, disinterested doctor before I left who said no no they wouldn't have kept the scan photo for me (well they said they would and I can see it in the file right there it's in that envelope) and to 'relax for a few months' before trying again as I need to calm down (yes I was crying but who wouldn't?). Well I'm nearly 43 and took 8 months to get pg last time so I think that would be pushing it actually. I asked what difference it would make to a pg if I got pg sooner and she said none, so I thanked her very much and left.

So it's over, am taking the rest of the day off to read, sleep and then take DD to the park as miraculously it isn't raining.

Thanks for listening over the past 10 days, it has really helped.

[dontforget2scream]

Oh heidipi, I wish I could give you a great big hug and I really want to sincerely thank you for posting about your loss.

I have followed your thread as my miscarriage has closely matched yours in terms of timings and experiences (although I was earlier on in my pregnancy), and it has helped me to feel less alone.

Please take it easy and look after yourself. I am absolutely exhausted at the moment even though I'm pretty sure my miscarriage is completely over (bleeding finished and BFNs) and I'm just waiting for my final scan.

[heidipi]

Hi dontforget, thank you for your message and sorry that you're here too. I'm glad it has helped to read, posting and reading has certainly helped me, I've never been on mn so much as this last week!

Take care of yourself too, I'm going to be lazy for the rest of the week I think. Just about to have egg and chips and a glass of wine and watch the apprentice