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Missed miscarriage-unsure of next option

(27 Posts)
Firsttimer1007 Sun 15-Apr-12 17:44:21

Hi everyone,
Firstly, what a great support this forum is, so reassuring to know other people feel the same as I do right now.
I went for a 10 week scan last fri and found that the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and there was no hb. Devasting news, totally knocked me for 6 as I totally look pregnant and still feel so sick.
I have to go back next fri to confirm pg loss and to tell them what I want to do next.
Options they've suggested are wait and see, tablets or d&c.And I'm really not sure what might be best for me. I've had no bleeding and not much cramping and because I still feel sick the placenta doesn't seem to have wised up to what's happening so it seems unlikely to me that I might miscarry soon but who knows.
Also not sure I want to take tablets as I've read somewhere that u have to wait 3 months after these to ttc and think I'll prob want to fill the void left by this pg loss by ttc relatively risks of a painful mc with lots of bleeding?

I have a 9 month old DS ( I know I should feel lucky to have one healthy baby and I do, but doesn't make this easier) and with him I went into labour over a month early and had a long labour due to cervical scarring from a previous lletz procedure so am wary of the surgical option and I don't want to create problems for a future pg by risking surgical scarring or damage, but on the other hand this seems like a quick way to draw a line under this horrible experience and get back to normal quicker.
Sorry for this drawn out post but I'd be interested to hear from anyone as to what they would do in this situation, as there's a lot of knowledgeable women on here with similar experiences and it's easier to be advised by women who've been through this instead of doctors and hospital leaflets

Ellovera Sun 15-Apr-12 17:56:33

Hi I am so sorry youare having to face this difficult decision . There are pros and cons to both , I had an erpc on Tuesday and am still in quite a bad way but that could just be me I am going back to hospital tomorrow as I'm sore but am prob being cautious . Just saying you need to recover from that too . The waiting is quite cruel but actually it helped me come to terms with it much more I think . Remember even of you decide erpc you sill need to wait for the surgery could be week or two after that . Sometimes the body has it's own ideas anyway! Wish you luck whichever route you take , keep being open ad asking for advice etc .

Jemimapuddleduk Sun 15-Apr-12 18:01:32

Hi, so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have had 2mmcs and a natural mc. I have had surgical under local anaesthetic both times (it used vacuum rather than d&c method) as it sounded gentler to me. Not all hospitals do this though but you could check. Given your problems I would perhaps suggest the tablet route, I was offered this and definitely wasn't told about the 3 month rule, so would check that out.
It's an awful thing to go through. I hope you are doing ok and manage to make the right decision for you
Take care

Firsttimer1007 Sun 15-Apr-12 18:15:45

Thanks for your replies, just curious and sorry for asking but how how many weeks was there between the time of the mc and you having your ercp?just trying to figure out how long I might have to wait if I was to let it happen naturally

Jules125 Sun 15-Apr-12 18:28:41

I had the tablets after a MMC. Its not exactly pleasant, but wasn't that bad either (mild pain for a few hours one afternoon) and avoided all the surgery risks you are worried about (so was I).

I don't think you need to wait 3 months to TTC again - I was asked to wait one month (standard after any MC).

Redbird12 Sun 15-Apr-12 18:32:50

Hi Firsttimer, so sorry to hear about your loss. I have had 2 ERPC's this year - mmc start of Jan and a second unfortunately end of March and it was the best option for me both times. I didn't want the waiting around, not knowing when I would miscarry as it had already been about 3 weeks by the scan the 1st time and no symptoms and the 2nd time I was carrying twins and advised ERPC was best option due to amount of blood & tissue I may pass. I also didn't want to 'see' anything, go through a lot of physical pain and tbh, just wanted it all over quickly

I went back for a 2nd scan a couple of days after the 1st both times and was told it would be the following week to have the ERPC on the NHS although others on here have been booked in within a day or 2 so obviously depends on your local hopsital. I ended up going private through health cover at work and had the op the next day after the 2nd scan.

For me, it was all relatively straighforward, in and out same day, a couple of days recovering from the GA feeling groggy, some period like pain and bleeding but not too bad and bleeding subsided to nothing within a few days.
As you can see, I conceived again quickly after the 1st MMC, i don't think you need to wait 3 months whatever you choose.

Hope this helps and let me know if you want any more info about the ERPC.

Ellovera Sun 15-Apr-12 18:36:09

I dintt think anyone knows that . I found out at my 12 week dating scan that baby had died five days previous . I was in pain anyway so I went to bed for a week as I was scared it was all going to kick off , particularly as it was a 12 week foetus , so then I had the surgery exactly a week after I found out . I'm very weak and in pain but no bleeding but the staff were lovely and kind andmy dh has been just wonderful by ive needed help with the toddler I can't do much . The wait was very difficult but as I said it was necessary I believe as then you reeeeeeally want it all over with. Someone else I knew found out her 12 week old feotus had died on the same day I had my operation but her body did not hold on to it and she miscarried that night . I think how long is a piece of string . It's so hard isn't it. I'm so sorry for your Loss

Firsttimer1007 Sun 15-Apr-12 18:50:39

So hard, I haven't hardly slept since I found out and look a sight, red blotchy face and puffy eyes and I'm aldready wearing my maternity jeans which is horrible since I have to bump but no baby. DH just informed me that he has booked a few days away t the start of may for our anniversary, but if I go for an ercp that will be us going away less than a week after it, do you think I'd be able to go, physically I mean?
Just don't know what to do, think I'm leaning towards ercp if it doesn't happen sooner but just scared of potential risks. Such a horrible time

Redbird12 Sun 15-Apr-12 19:09:01

Everyone recovers differently from ERPC op but i think i felt physically ok by about 5 days after op - but depends what type of break. Something relaxing probably fine, don't plan anything abroad or doing too much in that timeframe, i found I was still very tired for over a week afterwards and emotionally still very up and down. Also, you may still be bleeding a bit but hopefully quite lightly by then.

Ellovera Sun 15-Apr-12 19:13:44

You should be ok maybe the change will do you good . We are all away next weekend with a five hour drive but hopefully will be fine and be able to recuperate ! You can book the Erpc and maybe your body will take over . So hard :-(

teaandchocolate Sun 15-Apr-12 19:30:49

Hi firstimer so sorry you're goin through this, it's so awful. I've had 2 mmc - last one was discovered on 10 march & I also and the felt so incredibly sick during that pregnancy (which I never had before). That was one of the worst things, feeling horrendous even after I'd been told the baby died weeks ago - so cruel isn't it?!

Anyway, I had erpcs both time because for me it just felt like the best option. I didn't want to wait because the baby died so long before & I had such strong symptoms I didn't know when it would happen. I didn't like the idea of the tablets for the reasons described above - the pain, clots etc & uncertainty in term of how long it would take. Also there's a risk you'd need an erpc anyway.

My 1st erpc was in London & carried out within 48 hrs of the scan. However my 2nd was in Yorkshire & I was told the wait was about a week. So I went privately as it's covered by my health I insurance. Although I still had to wait 4 days which was awful especially with the sickness.

I also have a thin & damaged cervix from previous surgery (loop diathermy) but I didn't actually know the extent if the damage until this recent erpc. I also had a section with my DD so was worried about more surgery. The consultant assured me there were minimal risks with having so much surgery & the op seemed to go fine but I guess ultimately I won't know until I try for another baby/get preg. Definitely make the surgeon aware of your issues. I hoped that because a senior consultant did the procedure the risks were less. But can't say I'm thrilled at all the surgery.

I went away about 5 days after my 1st erpc and it was really nice actually. Just in this country and very chilled. Nice to get away from normal surroundings & from things that reminded me if pregnancy & mc. I felt ok physically after each op. Bleeding is a pain but not too heavy really & only cramps for a few days. Just the emotional side that's hard ime. And a holiday probably helps with that.

Gosh sorry for mammoth post!! Good luck with whatever you decide x

funthatisfunny Sun 15-Apr-12 19:47:28

hi firsttimer, so sorry you are going through this sad

I found out I have a blighted ovum (baby never developed but placenta side of stuff did, therefore body is chucking out HCG and thinks it is pregnant) at 6+6 and am now nearly '9 weeks'. I have had another scan last thursday but for me to have anything done medically my empty gestational sac needs to be over 20mm, but it was 19mm (!) so they bloody bastard sent me home to mc - no leaflet, no info, nada. I am not due to go back for another scan until a week monday.

this meant that for me, waiting is the only game available. To start with I felt angry and frustrated and just wanted this to all be over, for the sac to be got out - with tablets, not erpc (don't like medical procedures or complications and do like to do this kind of thing at home). I would have had the tablets this weekend if they had been offered to me. however, they weren't and now, actually, I am becoming happily reconciled with choosing the unmanaged, wait-and-see approach. Like you my body is clinging onto the pregnancy, I cramp regularly but no spotting or bleeding yet and my pregnancy symptoms only stopped a couple of days ago.

I like the time before the actual mc to reflect and spend 'grieving' and getting my head around losing this pregnancy and moving on. For me, by the time I do actually mc I hope that will signal the end of my mc journey, not the beginning like an early, more forced evacuation might do. I have plenty of time off work from the gp, but do have a toddler, but hope, when it starts, to drag DH away from work. i trust my body.

Am SICK of waiting though. (and pretty nervous.)

good luck with your decision OP smile

Patsy99 Mon 16-Apr-12 10:44:07

Sorry for your news first timer.

I've had 1 natural mc and 2 ERPC's under GA, the second last week. I have previosuly had lletz too. I found both ERPCs quick and relatively painless. There are (low) risks of complications from the surgery but the risk of infection is the same as for a medical/natural miscarriage. Physically I've recovered from the op in about 2 days, with only light bleeding and a few cramps, less than a period. Emotionally it's a bit more difficult.

I was booked in for the ERPC a couple of days after the second scan.

Firsttimer1007 Mon 16-Apr-12 18:36:09

Patsy99 can I ask how long was there between finding out about the mc and your ercps?

Firsttimer1007 Mon 16-Apr-12 18:47:22

Also, just wanted to mention that I've been having some pelvic pain, not like cramps more like the pain before your period starts like a burny pre cramping pain if that makes sense?
Does this happen before a mc starts or does this sound more like inflammation from the deteriorating baby in there?
Hating this uncertainty

Patsy99 Mon 16-Apr-12 19:00:26

The uncertainty is awful.

In both ERPCs I had an initial scan, then a second scan 7 days later to confirm the miscarriage, ie the pregnancy hadn't grown. First time I had the ERPC 2 days after the second scan. Last week they booked me in for the next morning (!). I think it depends on how busy the hospital is, but I was pleased to get it done so quicky.

By the way, as far as I know the ERPC doesn't interfere with the cervix. They usually put a gel on to soften it then it is stretched open for the surgery itself. I was advised there was about a 1 in 1000 risk of damage to the uterus.

Firsttimer1007 Mon 16-Apr-12 19:06:44

Thanks for replying, yes I've my repeat scan this fri, but am hoping my body takes over before then. I'm not optimistic tho, still having pg sickness and am becoming obsessed with running to the toilet every 5 min to check for bleeding starting...

Patsy99 Mon 16-Apr-12 19:08:09

P.S I've never heard of inflammation from a deteriorating baby. If you're having pains you may miscarry naturally, but it can take the body several weeks to catch up with the fact that the foetus has died, which is why I opted for the ERPC. I couldn't bear the waiting for it to happen.

Signs of infection would usually be a dodgy smelling/looking discharge or very acute pains.

Firsttimer1007 Mon 16-Apr-12 19:14:37

I haven't heard of it either!just becoming obsessed with symptoms and trying to come up with reasons for the pains if I'm not bleeding and still having pg symptoms.
Also just wanted to say a big thank u to everyone who has taken the time to post on here and share their stories, it really really does help to know that all I'm feeling is normal and that lots and lots of people have been through it before me and come out the other side

funthatisfunny Mon 16-Apr-12 20:02:47

hey first. I have cramping daily and nightly, have done for 10 days! Is like pre-af pains and sometimes a bit 'stabby'. I know something is going on but only very, very, very slowly. Still no chuffing spotting.

Have your symptoms started fading yet?

hope you are ok!

Firsttimer1007 Mon 16-Apr-12 20:34:41

Hi fun ( nothing fun or funny about this is there!),
Doing much better than a few days ago, still have my moments tho, but immersing myself in reading about mmc takes my mind off what's actually happening to me a little, and have become resigned to it now. If I actually think of my dead baby tho it's tears tears tears!
Pg symptoms still going strong and I think I'm still getting bigger (bump).
Hopefully things will start soon for you now sounds like things are getting geared up for action. I'm cramping a little more too but nothing too bad yet. Hope ur ok too!

soveryfedup Tue 17-Apr-12 12:42:09

Ah shite first, I carried on getting my bump until symptoms stopped at 8+5ish sad It's a shit, shit time, am very glad my symptoms and shitty non-bump have gone.

Changed mah name btw - think this is rather more apt for now as indeed, I have never, ever felt less fun ;0)

Cramping etc all gone - think I'll never mc. Am starting to consider the tablets if they give me some on Monday as the strain constantly affects me (i feel so tired), my little busy DS and poor DH. What about you, have you thought about what you would like to do?

Firsttimer1007 Tue 17-Apr-12 13:47:31

Hi fed up, also fed up too! I think I am leaning towards the d and c option if I haven't mc'd before then. Repeat scan fri then they will schedule for the following wk I think. What's made my mind up is the fact they do histopathology if u get a d and c so I can see what happened the baby. However I spoke to my midwife the other day and she said that even if I opt for d and c it can be a good idea to take the tablets anyway because if even if they don't work to get it out completely they can help to soften everything up down there and make the d and c easier.
Started spotting a bit this morning, not much at all and not much cramping . My sis in law had a mmc last yr and bled for 3 wks which was 5 weeks in total since they realized the baby died and she ended up getting the d and c, she wasn't offered tablets. but the bleeding had left her exhausted too.
Thought I was actually started to come to terms with everything but had a routine apt at docs this morning to get thyroid bloods checked and broke down in tears when she asked how I'd been since I'd last seen her. Now I think I'm going to be a total wreck on fri seeing the scan again!
You're prob exhausted too from the whole emotional side of things it's very draining constantly worrying about things, and I don't know about you but I'm not sleeping great either. And yes having another dc to look after is hard but I'm sure I would be finding this a lot worse if I didnt have DS to keep me busy!

soveryfedup Tue 17-Apr-12 13:59:35

nooo am not sleeping at all. Just can't drop off but then DS has me up at 7 ;0) yes, I cope much better with him definitely. though is nice he is with the childinder today so I can just sit and chill and get a bit bored smile

I couldn't do a d and c but i definitely see the benefits. is so tiring being in this state isn't it. I am much better today than I was yesterday, is weird how different I can feel from day to day and i wonder how much is hormones.

Yay for spotting - I would LOVE some spotting! every time I go to the loo and am not spotting, again, I am so gutted. How funny!

Hope you ok.

Ellovera Tue 17-Apr-12 17:23:24

I hope things all settle for you soon and are not too troublesome . I'm still very poorly after my erpc I've picked up an infection so if Any one does have the Erpc and does not improve every daythen get seen ASAP it's been hellish :-(

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