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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

When will I start feeling normal?

6 replies

holls2000 · 09/04/2012 18:52

Had miscarriage a few weeks ago now and went back to work, trying to pretend that I was ok. We have broken up for the hols now and all I can do is cry. Don't have periods but started bleeding the other day and freaked out at the sight of blood again. We had friends over for Easter and I was up and down and weepy then fine all weekend. It's my oldest friend's hen do in a couple of weeks and I truly, truly, can't face going. I just feel I need to sleep and sleep and I am worried that I will be an emotional wreck and ruin her weekend. I don't think she'll be cross with me, but I feel so pathetic. And I have realised that unless you've had a miscarriage, you have no idea what it's like. My husband just thinks I'm really useless, I think.

When will I return to normal? Soon I hope. xxxxx

OP posts:
qazxc · 09/04/2012 19:35

You need to look after yourself. Be selfish for a while and do whatever feels natural to you. You need time to process and grieve. Please let your husband know how you feel, don't go through this alone. I'm sure he doesn't think you are useless, sometimes men put on a brave face and seem fine when they are also upset ( they just feel the need to be macho and don't want to appear sad as to not upset their partners). Your friend will understand especially if she knows about the situation (imagine if the situation was reversed, would you be angry or just concerned about your friend?). If you feel you can't share with your nearest and dearest, post on the boards. It helps to talk to people in a similar position that you don't know personally. If you fear that your feelings are more than grief please talk to your gp. I hope you feel better soon.

BuckBuckMcFate · 09/04/2012 19:38

I'm sorry for your loss Sad

I second everything that qazxc has said.
Be very kind to yourself.

PestoPenguin · 09/04/2012 19:41

Give yourself some time. It is hard, and you may find you go through all the stages of full bereavement. The first time I had a m/c I didn't really feel normal for about 3 months. I was like you describe initially, and then grumpy, angry, withdrawn etc. It does get a little easier to live with in time.

Have you looked up the info from the miscarriage association? I found some of that quite helpful. I totally know what you mean about people that haven't experienced it not really getting the emotional impact. I had a friend apologise to me over and over 5 years after I had my first m/c when she sadly experienced the same. She felt so bad that she hadn't really been there for me as she now realised what I had probably gone through without much support Sad.

ANTagony · 09/04/2012 19:49

Life moves in one direction, you will again reach a time when this experience isn't your first thought in the morning and last at night. You must allow yourself to grieve. You have suffered what can be a very physical loss. If your body isn't back into its 'normal' routine then your hormones will also no doubt be playing havoc.

If you don't want to go out for a big party at present, don't. Give your friend notice.

Do you have people you can talk with who will listen and give you a hug when it's needed? It can be a very lonely time especially if your news wasn't out and people don't have a clue why you're withdrawn.

I found being on here has kept me sane sometimes just as an observer, others as a participant. I had two miscarriages and one what I called a chemical pregnancy because I was less than 5 weeks for that miscarriage. I subsequently had a fairly straightforward pregnancy - that I spent most of the time waiting to go wrong.

Give yourself time and ask your partner for space if you need it. I wanted hugs in bed but asked to be the one to take the lead before we progressed. DH was disappointed in the losses, but I don't think really understood. Talking to him about what I needed from him helped.

Take care of yourself first then you can worry about the rest of the world.

FoofFighter · 09/04/2012 20:16

oh lovey come here

the stages of grief referred to above, well atm I am going through each one daily, probably hourly even. I'm rather messed up and don't know what to do and don't know what I want to do either. it's a very confusing time, you've got the physical stuff to deal with and then the hormones are still going round for however long which must confuse our bodies, and then of course the hormones go, and the symptoms with them, the last little bit to cling onto of our pregnancies. No wonder we are in turmoil.

Just keep talking to whoever you have who will listen, or to us, or to a counsellor maybe?

Previous poster is right that one we'll wake up and it won't be our first thought in morning and last thought at night becuase life DOES go on, and although we will never forget we will recover

xxx

holls2000 · 09/04/2012 21:41

Thank you all, and so sorry for all you have gone, and are going through.
Wouldn't it be nice for life to be easy for once? I find myself asking 'why me' an awful lot, which I know is HORRID of me and actually, why shouldn't it be me.

I am thinking about you all and thanks so much for being so kind
xxxxx

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