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Just had 12 week scan, baby died at 8 weeks, what next ?

(462 Posts)
HaveToWearHeels Wed 04-Jan-12 14:03:07

no heartbeat and baby measuring 8 weeks. I am so shocked as we had scan at 6 weeks due to previous ectopic and all was in the right place, have had no pains, no bleeding and was still having sickness until 2 weeks ago.

Scan lady was lovely and made appointment for me to go back to discuss my options with doctor. Obviously I have been carrying a dead baby around in me for 4 weeks which I just can't compute at the moment sad What can I expect tomorrow ? I would like to arm myself with as much info as possible.

On the emotional side I am a mess. I have DD who is 2 and I desperatley what her to have have a sibling, but at nearly 42 and one tube this now seems like a distant dream. I somehow feel that I was the custodian of this baby for me and DH and I have failed.

SwanseaMum Tue 10-Apr-12 18:38:00

hi ladies scan went well 8 weeks and. 4 days. still not building my hopes up too much still early days ,
take care xxx

blackcatsdancing Tue 10-Apr-12 19:15:18

that's great news swanseaMum, really , really pleased for you!

Dorita75 Tue 10-Apr-12 20:56:38

Congrats Swanseamum! Fab news!

MrsHerculePoirot Thu 12-Apr-12 21:53:46

Congratulations swanseamum, that is great news.

Redbird12 Fri 13-Apr-12 21:27:53

V.pleased for you Swanseamum, i know what you mean about not building your hopes up too much but you've at least overcome the 1st major hurdle as I read most m/c's are in the 1st 8 weeks.

After my last mmc, the consultant said they wouldn't do any tests until after 3 mc's but had a letter from him this week saying he is recommending to my doctor that i have blood & chromosome tests, not because he thinks anything is necessarily wrong but just to be on safe side. I think this is a good thing, DH is worried as letter says test involve him as well, we're not sure what to expect. Tests to be 6 weeks after ERPC so in 2 or 3 weeks time.

Hope everyone else is doing ok and has a good weekend x

HaveToWearHeels Sat 14-Apr-12 20:10:09

Nice to know they are looking after you Redbird. I know people criticise the NHS but in my experience they are fantastic. I am sure everything will be just fine and the results will just put your mind to rest.

Dorita75 Mon 16-Apr-12 09:19:59

I agree, can't praise the nhs enough. That's good redbird your doctor is very considerate. How's everyone doing healthwise? I've still not shifted weight I'd put on, to be fair I've not made a massive effort but am starting a new regime today!

SwanseaMum Mon 16-Apr-12 17:57:26

Red I am so glad they are looking after you. think you need it after what you have been through take care hun xx

Munchin Mon 07-May-12 12:05:38

Hello to all you ladies on this thread. Soo sorry for all your losses. I have spent the last week reading through the entire thread and I want to thank you all for sharing your experiences. It has been of huge comfort to me and has helped me through this horrible time.

I went for my first visit with consultant on 17th April to be told there was no heartbeat and was only measuring 7+6. It came as a huge shock to me as I had no bleeding and was still having pg symptoms and +ve pg test. He told me he was not optimistic that pregnancy would continue but come back to see him in a week. I was on my own as I thought all was well and wanted dh to save his days for big scan. I left hospital and had to go back to work where I hid in an office and cried and waited for dh to come and get me. The next week was like hell on earth and even though deep down I knew baby was gone you always cling on to hope. Also one of my colleagues partner had just given birth to baby that same day and everyone was elated for them. I worked for next two days but came down with a horrendous head cold and took the Friday off. Worked on the Monday when I had to tell my boss I was pg but had lost the baby. Went back to consultant to be rechecked on the tues. I had to queue with all the other pg ladies and nurse started insisting I give her a sample. I tried to say nicely I didn't think it was necessary but she kept insisting and then I burst in tears and said my baby has died whereby nurse nearly lost her life and my dh explained that there was no heartbeat lady week. She quickly moved and got me into consultant straight away. The news had not changed. He said you have had a hell if a week and as sac seemed very big ( I reckon i was at least 10 weeks) that he was doing an erpc the next morning at 9.30. The staff were lovely in the hospital next day but I cried the whole time every question set me off. Didn't help that outside it was the most windy rainy day nearly hurricane like. Really reflected the mood. I came round after operation at 12pm. I had very little bleeding and no pain. Once I successfully had eaten, gone to the loo and got my anti d injection ( I'm rhesus negative) I could go home.

I found I sank into a depression for next four or five days. Didn't want to do anything and first time out in shops kept meeting ladies with bumps and new borns. Found it very hard. My mum was good at practical stuff but as I'm an only child she never experienced this and has said alot of insensitive things and kept help feeling she us happy I lost baby.

I'm 40 and I know I am incredibly lucky to have 2 dc but it was our dream to have a 3rd. It took us along time debating whether to ttc at all. (nearly 2 yrs) so finally decided and always main worry was would baby be ok and never expected a mc never mind I had never even heard of a mmc!!!!

It has been 11 days since my erpc. I had nearly no bleeding for first 5 days only a little pinkish when you wiped. But then slowly for next three days had more brownish flow mainly in afternoons and then on day 8 after erpc the bleeding has got heavier like a period but still the brownish red colour. It couldn't be a period could it?? Just seems odd when I had nothing much for five days that it all kicked off.

I don't know if we will ttc again. I swing from defo not to defo yes. But the thought of it happening again scares the hell out of me. Was it my body saying your too old or was it just one of those things. I know plenty of older ladies successfully have babies. But as it took do long for period to come back after coming off pill I wonder was I going into menopause?

I have only to see my gp after 6 weeks for follow up. So lots of questions will be asked.

Again I am soo sorry for everyones loss and some have suffered multiple losses. But this thread has helped alot.

Dorita75 Mon 07-May-12 21:18:38

I'm so sorry munchkin it's really shit and there's nothing anyone can say to make you feel much better but I'm just glad this thread has helped, hopefully with the practical stuff as well as emotional.

Some of us have had such different things happen after the erpc that I don't think there's anything to say what's 'normal' or not, some people bleed, some don't. I think you just have to give yourself some time to get over it physically and mentally.

I found out I was Rh negative with my mmc. We're now ttc again, it'll be dc1 if we're lucky enought to get pregnant again. Good luck whatever you decide to do and take your time over the coming weeks, don't push yourself too hard to return to 'normal life' but allow yourself to have the ups and downs xx

allchik Mon 14-May-12 15:35:00

Hi all, I hope you dont mind me posting on here. I was on mumsnet a lot back in feb as had a mmc with my first pregnancy. I thought I was 13 weeks but the baby had died at 7. It was such a crap, sad, awful time. I guess you just look forward to it all so much and I think i was quite naive about anything bad happening....especially as I got to (or so i thought) 13 weeks with no bleeding or cramps sad ... me and my husband started trying again after the erpc and got caught very quickly! I thought I would feel really happy and excited but I dont know if I can!? Im 6+5 at the moment and am just so scared of it happening agin sad I feel really guilty for not being able to 'enjoy' this pregnancy as much as before and am terrified that I have had another mmc and just dont know as had no idea it happened last time (still had symptoms etc) I have booked in for a private scan next Monday at 7+5....fingers crossed there will be a heart beat...then I will be having another at 10....I just feel like I want to crawl under a blanket and wake up with a big belly!!....not knowing is so scary....sending love and baby dust to everyone xxx

Dorita75 Mon 14-May-12 22:32:24

Ah congratulations allchick that's brilliant news. You're bound to feel anxious this time around but try and remember there's nothing you can Do except the usual looking after know the mc stats, sadly it's so, so common first time around then the bouncing babies start! Try and relax a bit and maybe speak to others in same boat for reassurance? There's a thread I'm on that I can't send as on phone but will do tomorrow, it help make light of all the mental times! Congrats again on being pregnant smile x

allchik Tue 15-May-12 20:12:15

Thanku so much,I think I remember seeing ur name on a thread before,I hope things r ok with u smile ur so right about mc being sadly common,n know theres no reason to worry as such,I just wnt this so much,and am so hoping to have a healthy bump by Sept as thats when I was due b4,that prob sounds real bad but cnt help it sad heres hoping x x x

blackcatsdancing Wed 16-May-12 10:02:26

allchik congrats on your pregnancy. I too had a MMC earlier this year. I've yet to get pregnant again but i know i will be terrified of a MC happening again especially as age is very against me. However I did have a MC in my 20s and my next pregnancy was successful so try to stay positive, hopefully it was a one off.

Dorita75 Wed 16-May-12 20:25:33

Here's that link allchick

I'm more of a lurker on it at the mo wink
Hope all's okay with you blackcats I'm due on on Sunday (if all's returned to as it was before...) and hate these few days. Last month I was angry and a bit teary for about a week&half, so hard to be positive. Fingers crossed tho. Good luck to you x

Munchin Thu 17-May-12 21:31:53

Congrats allchick and try and enjoy being pg. Its terrible that after trauma of having a mc it robs you of the happiness you should have in early days of next pregnancy. It's natural to be nervous and cautious. I was so naive when I had a mmc as I had healthy pregnancies before. You are doing all that you can by arranging those early scans.

Hi dorita and blackcats hope all is well.

allchik Wed 30-May-12 15:32:52

Hello, how is everyone?
Had my scan and it was ace! they measured me to be almost 7 weeks (was hoping to be 8....every week counts!!) But there was a strong heartbeat from the little blob so that was amazing to see as there was nothing at my lst scan sad I am also feeling kind of reasured by the fact I am retching/running to puke about 5 times a day!! But still just feel total dread....just wish i could get al happy and excited but just seem to have a complete mental block....hopefully this will change over time smile
Hope everyone is enjoying the sun x

blackcatsdancing Mon 04-Jun-12 17:41:25

Hi allchik really pleased to hear your good news and hope your pregnancy progresses without any problems. I think there is at least 1 thread on being pregnant after a MC/MMC so hope you can find some support on there, completely understand the way you feel.
nothing to report here. My ERPC was start of Feb and still TTC.

HaveToWearHeels Wed 20-Jun-12 16:22:04

Hi Blackcat, sorry to hear you are TTC, hope it happens for you soon. Same here too sad DH and I have given until Christmas as I will then be 42 1/2, after that we will count our lucky stars we have DD and get on with our life with her.

MrsHerculePoirot Fri 29-Jun-12 08:14:06

blackcat and havetowearheels same here. MC feb still TTC, I was so full of hope worth the whole supposedly being extra fertile for 3 months and now I sometimes feel it will never happen again.

HaveToWearHeels Wed 07-Nov-12 11:48:17

Not sure if any of you ladies still check in, but would love to know if any of you have been successful ?
DH and I have all but given up now, although we have given ourselves to Christmas, I no longer test for ovulation and manically test the day AF is due. If I fell now DD would be nearly 4 when LO would be born sad and I would be 43. DD is beautiful and I thank god everyday for her, she is a joy.
But would love to hear about any happy news ?

Goldenjubilee10 Sun 11-Nov-12 19:50:48

I haven't posted on this thread before but thought I should say that I had 2 m/c's in feb '04 @12+ weeks and July '04 @7 weeks. When I had not managed to conceived by sept '05 and fast approaching my 42nd birthday a job opportunity came up and I decided the time had come to call it a day and move on. Our miracle was born the following July. shock

Hoping for success for you all.

HaveToWearHeels Sun 11-Nov-12 22:31:52

Ah Golden what a lovely story, was it your first baby ? I think of DD as my little miracle, after loosing one and then conceiving 8 weeks later with one tube, which is why I have decided that it if doesn't happen again for me I will not be devestated.

Goldenjubilee10 Mon 12-Nov-12 18:43:34

He's my third. I have 2 ds's who were almost 11 and 9 when he was born. Obviously I love them all the same but I appreciate him so much more. He was really poorly when he was born and I had doubts that we would ever get to take him home. There's not a day goes by that I don't feel amazement that we have him.

Cornishrainbow Sat 24-Nov-12 08:18:56

I am new to Mumsnet but trying to find some support as I was (what I thought was) 11.3 weeks pregnant with my first PG, but at my 12 week scan it showed no heart beat and the baby had died 4 weeks ago. Absolutely devastated as we'd been trying for 3 years and so unbelievably excited and happy when it finally happened naturally, and now to have this awful awful news.... I'm so sorry to hear that all of you have been through the same- my heart goes out to you all.
I am booked in for surgical management on Tuesday, and they are doing it under local anaesthetic- I'm just wondering if anyone else had experienced this under local anaesthetic and how much pain/blood/distress is involved?? The doctor I saw yesterday convinced me that GA was dangerous and that LA was the best option... But I'm worried that I'm going to freak out and hearing the procedure will make it all so much more real? From what I've read I definitely don't think I could handle the medical management route....
Just so so awful and heartbreaking and can't even believe I'm having to make these decisions....

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