Missed miscarriage - advice needed, hospital have been crap

[nocluenoclueatall]

Last Sunday night (ie ten days ago) I started to bleed and to cut a long story short I've now had two scans to confirm that my pregnancy, which should have been 9 weeks by now, ended at around 6 weeks.

After waiting for over two hours in my EPU and getting sent out via the antenatal clinic where happy expectant mums clutching bounty packs jostle you for the lift (just cruel) I'm still none the wiser. I know I have three options - to wait for it to happen naturally, to have medical management or a D&C. I'd like to avoid medical intervention if possible (scared of complications basically - shouldn't have googled these) but have come home with nothing - no follow up appointments or advice on what to do, what will happen next or how to manage this. The registrar I saw couldn't recommend anything or talk about the risks, she literally knew nothing and referred me to a leaflet.

I'm pretty upset and just need some reassurance. If you had a MMC, what did you do? How did it work out for you? What would you advise?

Any help gratefully received... either way this is going to be a pretty crap christmas.

[nocluenoclueatall]

Oh and (TMI) I've been bleeding off and on, passing clots but today's scan confirmed that the sac is still in place.

[tallulah]

I've had 2 mmc and ERPC both times. Both times they've organised the ERPC at the time of being seen in hospital. First time they took me in fairly quickly but the second time I had quite a long wait and started to bleed heavily in the meantime.

IIWY I wouldn't wait for it to happen naturally, esp at this time of year. When it starts there is a lot of blood and you get no warning. WWYD if it happened Christmas Day?

I would ring the EPU tomorrow first thing and ask them what they can do for you.

[MistressofPemberley]

Adding my two-peneth worth.

I've had 2 mcs, before 12 week scan stage so I never actually knew at what stage things stopped developing. I didn't know until it actually happened. Brown spotting turned slowly to red spotting, slowly to cramps and actual passing of tissue. Back ache and painful cramps.

I did both at home, with lots of cocodamol and maternity pads. It was painful, but not unbearable, and I was more comfortable at home than I would have been at hospital.

Poor you. Be strong and look after yourself.

[VillaEphrussi]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've had mmcs too, and had both the medical and D&C. The first time I waited two weeks and nothing had happened, so was then put through for the D&C. The medical was earlier and I hadn't waited. They have to be fairly impartial when they're advising you on what to do. I found the medical management probably the less stressful because you're not going through sedation, and the pain after D&C I found worse. But this might vary. Just for me, I think I'd rather be in hospital and away from the family when this happens, so in hindsight I might as well have not waited the two weeks.

Sorry if this isn't useful, but thought I'd share. Take care and look after yourself.

[Olivess]

I am in a similar position and feeling your pain/confusion. I'm about 8 weeks pregnant and had a few scans since I was 4 weeks due to some abdominal pain. At first things looked fine but last Thursday was told that there had been very little growth. I'm now having to wait til this Thursday to have another scan to confirm that it is a failed pregnancy. The nurse I spoke to last week gave us a leaflet with the choices but couldn't really offer any advice - she did however book me in for the d and c on Friday and the medical on sat (Xmas eve). This is with the option of cancelling one of them or both of them dependening on thursday's scan. I'm confused and anxious, I'm not good at making decisions at the best of times. Plus I was told that even when I go on Thursday the scan may not show a conclusive failed pregnancy and I could have to wait longer. Not sure what to think, whether I should still be holding out hope or not...also don't know which option to go for if it comes to it...

[nocluenoclueatall]

Thanks for your replies. I'm not sure at all what to do for the best, so it's good to know what other people have done and what the outcome was. It's horrible having this "choice" where there's a decision to be made between three equally horrible outcomes. My gut feeling is to do it naturally (as I did when I gave birth full term two years ago) and to manage it as best I can myself. But Christmas... two long car journeys (6hours plus) with a toddler, then a big Christmas dinner. What if it happened then? How would I deal with it?

The not knowing what to do is torture. Please, anyone else, keep your stories coming. It's so helpful to know what other people have done, and that they've done it and got through it all.

Olivess, I'm sorry you're going through this too. I was in your position until today, second scan to confirm. It's hard. I knew from the first scan that there was no hope for the little one, but even then it's so hard to know what to think. I'll keep everything crossed for you x

[Beamur]

Hi, I had a mmc a few years ago. Started very similar to yours, I also then had a scan and got the bad news. I was sent home, also with a leaflet, but mine progressed to a natural end. It was painful - very much like a bad period,with crampy, contraction like pains, and quite a lot of blood. Bed, pain relief and hot water bottles helped me through.
To be honest, I would not recommend you trying to do Christmas 'business as usual' if you are going through that - do the people you're having Christmas with know what is happening to you?

[Finallygotaroundtoit]

Noclue, sorry you are going through this.

Whatever you decide, wouldn't it be best to cancel your Christmas plans now? Sound like it involves a long journey

[Finallygotaroundtoit]

Sorry meant to add, apart from a long journey would you cope with friends/relatives being around?

Perhaps a quiet Christmas at home with your nearest and dearest? Hugs and best wishes

[Ingles2]

I had a mmc and after waiting a couple of days with no sign of anything happening naturally, opted for a D&C.
It was over very quickly, with very little pain and no problems after which as I had 2 toddlers at the time, a big relief.
I'm sorry you're in this position noclue, I hope you find the best solution for you .

[babybunintheoven]

I going through a mmc now. I first bled last sun, 2 days b4 my 12 week scan. I am told the embryo never developed past 6weeks, but my body continued to believe it was preggers. The grief is horrific, but the follow up experience is pretty traumatic also and the lack of info/guidance from medical staff is upsettingly scant.

I have had numerous scans since then and today I am heading in for an erpc.

My decision to go this way stems from my trip home from the hospital on Monday, where I literally started gushing blood and clots while sat in the car. It went everywhere. Down my legs, up my back and tummy. The car seat and my clothes were soaked and when I got home spent a night on the loo expelling even more blood and some pretty massive lumps of pregnancy sack. I have not seen my fiancé more terrified.

I have been carrying a towel and plastic bag with me to protect sofas, chairs, beds from further incidents. As well as a acquiring and using monstrous numbers of sanitary pads.

I had the hospital rescan me yesterday morn, convinced there could not possibly be any more to come out only to find that there was. Having been advised that this could take weeks to completely come out I quickly opted for the fastest route to ending this.

I have continued to gush blood and lumps intermittently since and the cramping that comes with it is crippling. I have no control over this and little warning.

It is your decision and consider the options, but noone at the hospital told me how much blood I was going to see and how much it would hurt and I feel let down that this was not made clear to me. They said it was similar to the discomfort felt during my period. I now feel this was misinformation.

[nocluenoclueatall]

Oh god,babybun I am so sorry you are going through this too. I feel so angry with the "care" I was given. They couldn't have been less interested or more unprofessional at the hospital I went to (Sussex County if anyone's thinking of going there. Avoid if you possibly can). This is partly why I don't want to have the medical management. I don't trust them to do it properly and I don't want them to do it.

Good luck with the op. I hope its all over for you soon.

[worldgonecrazy]

I had a mmc and went for an ERPC the next day. It was quick and relatively painless. I had my mum holding my hand the whole time until I went up to theatre, that was the worst bit. I was just glad it was over.

[Sazzel]

babybunintheoven and nocluenoclueatall the lack information is really hard to deal with isn't it?

I remember feeling that after my first trip to the hospital when they wouldn't confirm a miscarriage. I don't even now really understand why but I think it was something to do with the scanner they used being an old machine and the doctor being from a different department because the correct clinic/doctor was full.

It was a technicality but it meant that my husband and I walked out of the scan room having seen no baby and had to say to each other this is a miscarriage to stop ourselves clinging onto hope while waiting 4 days for the scan that I already had booked. Consequently the hospital sent me home without any information on miscarriage and I ended up scouring the internet for hours trying to figure out what was happening to me. Bad idea!

In the end I think all our experiences are just so different that they can't tell you what is going to happen. My experience would have matched what babybunintheoven was told. Period like cramps that were manageable at home and blood loss that was like an entire period happening in a few hours.

After my second scan even though it showed my uterus was pretty much empty I was given a leaflet entitled "Information for women with a pregnancy of unknown location" because I was still testing positive when they did a pregnancy test. I couldn't get my head around how ridiculous that sounded.

[babybunintheoven]

Just to update, having got to the hospital this morn, I asked for another scan due to last nights bleeding and lumps passed and it turns out the pregnancy sack was all gone, so no need for the erpc. I am really chuffed about this as I am terrified of needles and the thought of getting a cannula was bothering me alot.

I suspect Sazzel is right and all experiences vary and different points in the pregnancy will change how much needs to come out and probably how fadt this will happen too but I think knowing the extremes, best and worst would help with decision making on how to deal with it and how to prepare.

I guess threads like this are a lifeline to the likes of me, noclue and olivess.

[maydaychild]

My mmc was at 8 weeks but foetus only grew as big as 5. I was certain over dates but they said go away, return one week for scan and repeat again at 2 weeks.
I refused to leave the hospital until the consultant came, sobbing the entire time. My feeling was they don't like doing medical for time and money reasons. But I insisted for my mental health reasons. I could not stand the thought of it being inside me and the bleeding part was not something I wanted to do, it was my 2nd pregnancy so I was so attached and subsequently heartbroken.
The consultant sent three other docs to see me. DH stood resolute at them and said no to natural miscarriage.
In the end they agreed and I went in next day.
It was quick. I was still sobbing all the time and as soon as I awoke I was still crying (bitch nurse asked why I was crying)
But an hour later I knew I could start my mental recovery.
I would be insisting on medical before Xmas in your shoes.
Hugs

[babybunintheoven]

Maydaychild, so sorry to hear your story, but well done for standing your ground.

Olivess, good luck tomorrow. I don't think there is anything wrong with holding on to hope, I have read success stories here, but be prepared for bad news and try and make sure you ask lots questions whatever way it goes so you have some idea what is coming.

I hope to see you all on the pregnancy threads again in the future complaining about nausea and heartburn, fingers crossed!

[nocluenoclueatall]

Ah yes, that's a lovely thought. I hope so too.

Just to update - after getting great support from mumsnetters and hearing such inspiring stories, I'm going for the "conservative management" (total misnomer) - i.e. waiting to see what happens. I hope I can pass this naturally, but whatever happens, at least I feel a bit more prepared for whatever's coming my way physically.

Next scan is on the 3rd of January so I'm just hoping it will all be over with by then. Luckily for me there's one interested nurse at the hospital and she called me back today to arrange another scan. She also said that I should be fine to travel, if I felt well enough on the day- so I'm going to pack a towel, loads of nappies (another great mumsnet tip - you can just sort of sit in them apparently), a fresh packet of co-codamol and hope for the best. I won't be driving though... which is one way of getting out of that chore I suppose.

We'll be spending christmas with my family, so I'm sure if the worst happens they'll support me. My mum's offered to put me in her own bedroom (which unlike here, has an ensuite bathroom, which could be quite handy) and the local hospital is literally right over the road so if it all goes totally tits up they won't have too far to take me.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to talk to me, it really helps x

[RIBS]

Sorry to hear about your loss.

Im in a similar position. Last Tuesday went with my DD and DP for my 12 wk scan. No baby! Id had a scan at 7 weeks which was fine, saw heartbeat & everything. They think it failed at about 8 wks. Obv gutted and I couldnt get out of there quick enough.

I reasoned if it hadnt come out after nearly 4 wks on its own it wasnt going to.

Ive had a total f**ng nitemare. I begged for surgical management. I have nothing but probs with my ladybits have pcos and cervical erosions etc. My cervix doesnt like to open either as I found out with DD.

I was told I wasnt a priority I HAD to have medical management. It works for 95% of ladies. I said it wouldnt work. It didnt. Had a pill on Sunday and went home. Nothing. Went in on Tuesday for a full day. Was in agony while cervix opened, contraction like pain but constant - not in waves. Sorry if TMI, but lost huge clots like slabs of liver, bled like mad, blood pressure kept dropping etc. To be examined and they tried to PULL out the "tissue" with the biggest pair of tong like things ive ever seen (really painful). To be told, no it hant worked, I still cant have surgery I HAVE to go through all this again tomorrow. I also had to stay overnight as hospital nearly an hour away and if I haemorrage I prob wont make it to hospital!

Wednesday -it didnt work same procedure. Ow ow ow!

Im FINALLY going in for surgery tomorrow. I cant wait!!! Im self employed and had to go to work, Im losing blood still, having cramps etc.

The NHS is a complete disgrace!
If the fact that ive lost my baby wasnt bad enough, what ive had to endure is bloody medieval. This is from a "good" Hospital!

Sorry for the essay. But in summary if nothing happens on its own noclue , do whatever you can to have the Surgical Management.
Good luckX

[sprinkles77]

Hi OP, sorry for your loss, and going through the same thing, so following this with interest. I was diagnosed with mmc (empty sac, no foetal pole) on monday. I was 12 weeks, but pg prob stopped at about 5 ish. They were not able to offer medical or surgical management until seeing another scan in a week to confirm that there really was no growth (tiny theoretical chance of dates being wrong). In the mean time I am spotting and bleeding a little with some minor cramping. I had planned medical management as there is no foetus to pass, and would prefer to avoid surgery and GA with the risks involved. though might change my mind if I can have a spinal or something instead. I didn't realise that it could take so long to happen naturally. I'm also a bit worried about medical management as DS ended up as an EMCS as I did not respond at all to the induction drugs. Are they similar to what is used in medical management.

Sorry, a bit of a thread hijack!

[Olivess]

Thanks for your messages of support. I went in this morning and they confirmed that the pregnancy has not progressed. It probably stopped at week 5/6. So I am going in tomorrow for the surgery. I opted for this as I just want the whole nightmare to be over. I feel like I've been constantly in and out, having scans, blood samples etc... (actually my experience of the hospital has been fantastic, apart from speaking to one very unsympathetic doctor today, the rest of the nurses and sonographers have been lovely) and I want it all to end so I can try and enjoy Christmas, also we have a short break for New Year planned.
I am not totally happy about having the surgery and I think I would have preferred for it to happen naturally but it's already been 3 weeks and no sign of anything happening. Just a bit concerned of things going wrong, but they seem to think that it's very rare.
RIBS - sorry to hear your terrible experience, hopefully it'll all be over for you tomorrow and you can begin to think about recovering....

[nocluenoclueatall]

Oh Olivess, I'm so sorry. I hope it all goes well tomorrow, and speaking as someone who's going through the same thing (ie same dates) I'm happy for you that at least tomorrow it will all be over. I hope you can get on with your life, relax and enjoy Christmas and New Year then in 2012, things can get back on track for you.

RIBS. Jesus, what can I say? I can't believe you were treated so badly. Really, as if loosing a baby weren't enough, you have to endure that too... I'm speachless. I'm sending you a rather un-mumsnetty hug. For what it's worth, my hospital were really pushing the ERPC and didn't mention the medical management at all. I think it must differ so much from trust to trust. Which just makes it even worse. Didn't mumsnet run a miscarriage campaign recently? Maybe there's somewhere we can record these experiences in the hope that things change?

And Sprinkles, I'm here if you want to PM me. You and I are going to be watching and waiting over the absolute worst time of the year... if you need some moral support I'm here. I've got the same symptoms as you and we're probably at a similar stage (although I would be 10 weeks now I think - scan dated around 5/6). I'm sending you a big hug too. I'm also trying to avoid surgery (I'm scared) and Medical Management... DS was an induction - the pain was literally indescribable, (I turned down an epidural though, I must have been out of my tiny mind.) I don't know if I can go through that again. Is it similar? I imagine it must be..

Good luck everyone - I'll keep it all crossed for all of you.

[MildredH]

Hi all-

Sorry for everyone who is also going through this. I work as a junior doctor in a&e and certainly will have a lot more sympathy for ladies I see with miscarriage from now on.

Thought I would just add my story as its useful for people to read about different experiences.

A week and a half ago I started spotting. Initially ignored it as was working long shifts and no time to see my gp. By the fourth day I was worried and called my gp who said to go to a&e ( luckily not where I work!) they gave me a scan appt for the following day- last Friday.

My symptoms had also gone- and looking back I probably hadn't had them for a few weeks. The scan showed a 6 week size foetus - I should be 10 weeks, and no heartbeat. We were told to return in one week for a repeat scan ( tomorrow). They gave us a leaflet detailing conservative, medical and surgical mgmt.

By Sunday evening I had fairly heavy bleeding- going through a super thick pad in half hour at a time but lasted only 4-5 hours. Mild cramps too- but nothing ibuprofen and a glass of wine didn't mostly get rid of. Monday was similar but the bleeding has tapered off throughout the week and is now fairly light.

I'm hoping the scan will show the MC is complete so that I can get back to normal. I'm keen to TTC asap. I've read online that there are no risks to this but will be checking with the gynae Dr tomorrow. My hesitation is that I don't know that I would cope with this happening again anytime soon.

Sorry this is so long but hope its helpful. My tips really are to rest and be kind to yourself whilst it is happening. Make sure you have plenty of pads- my husband had to do a midnight run to Spar- and pain relief.

Xxx

[sprinkles77]

thanks no clue. Just getting lots of clots with a little fresh blood and some old. Very little pain. I'm worried that I'm suddenly going to start bleeding really heavily while I am out, but I just can't hang round the house waiting for it to happen. Unless it does happen though, I guess I'll need some sort of treatment next week. Though after RIBs experience, and me not responding to induction, I think I will have to consider the surgical route. I'm not scared about it, just need to weigh up the risks vs. benefits. The doctor I spoke to said I could have what ever pain relief I wanted, though if it was so bad I needed morphine they would keep me in and might suggest ERPC. Really, if you can do induction without an epidural, maybe you'll manage. It can't be as bad as that can it? !

mildred we also plan on TTC asap, so the sooner this is over the better (a reason for ERPC). The doctor I saw said wait till I get AF before TTC, but I suspect that is just for convenience of dating the pregnancy. Lets put it this way, if we feel like SWI, we will, and we won't be using contraception! In the meant time I have lots of heavy duty pain relief should I need it, but really have not so far. I took some paracetamol and that was enough, so either I'm very lucky / have a high pain threshold, or there's a great deal more to come (suspect the latter).

The weird thing is that although my pregnancy symptoms mostly went a few weeks ago, I have been feeling very nauseous today, and been very sensitive to smells since before my BFP .

[sprinkles77]

oh RIBS hope tomorrow goes as well as can be expected, and you have a speedy recovery.