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What to pack in hospital bag for induction of miscarriage/stillbirth?

(31 Posts)
BartletForAmerica Mon 28-Nov-11 18:14:08

I don't know where else to ask this. I've not miscarried yet, but I am carrying a child who won't survive to term and who is likely to die sooner rather than later. We have declined a termination and will just let nature take its course. I'm 15/40 now so will need to be induced when it all happens. I'm pretty scared about the prospect, but I want to be prepared so that I don't need to come home and pack everything in floods of tears when that day comes. I was hoping that someone might be able to tell me what things I should have packed, whether it's just the same as when I had DS (minus the baby stuff of course) or if there is anything else I should think of. Thanks very much.

OP’s posts: |
DizzyDizzy Mon 28-Nov-11 20:45:09

i've never actually given birth, so i'm not entirely sure what you need, but i've had a mmc. i wore easy to get on/off jogging bottoms, comfy top and giant knickers. i also bought with me extra jogging bottoms, leggings (tight so santitary pants stay in place when sleeping), spare top and jumper - i had to stay over night in the end. 3 spare pairs of big knickers. big fluffy socks so you're not cold going to the loo. lots of chocolate, sweets, comfort nibbles. also got my sister-in-law to bring a mcdonalds with her. portable DVD player and DVD's to watch overnight, so i wouldn't be stuck up thinking things over all night. money (snack machines), lots of night time sanitary pads (they do give you the ones they give you after childbirth, but useful to bring your own too). i was lucky enough to have my partner stay with me too overnight, as i had a private room because the bleeding was so bad, but this almost NEVER happens i've been told. so a phone to contact your partner would probably be number 1 on the list too. really hope this helps!!! and i'm so sorry you have to go through it, it's something no woman should have to go through

mrsgboring Mon 28-Nov-11 20:53:17

I'm so sorry you have this to go through.

I think it is basically all the usual things you would need to deal with post-birth (pads, food etc.) You might also want very easy things to distract you, but my experience was I couldn't read a book or anything. The bereavement room had a telly in it which I could almost watch some of the time.

You might also want to consider taking a toy or precious object with you. When we lost DD, they took photographs of her, which were posed very nicely by the medical photography team and they asked if we had a special toy we wanted to put in the photos too. We didn't so they used a random hospital teddy instead.

We took our own pictures but they were too raw to display on mantlepieces etc. so the hospital photos were really helpful to us. Also, you may want some kind of clothing, though of course the baby's size might make it difficult. A special blanket maybe?

Once again I am so sorry for your loss.

mountaingirl Mon 28-Nov-11 21:05:35

I am so sorry to read this. How very sad for you and your family.

I would think what you need to take depends on how far advanced your pregnancy continues.

Something else you will want though are memories of your little one; foot and handprints, photo of baby wrapped up in a special blanket that you can keep later, with or without his/her face showing. An outfit. A keepsake of a lock of hair if that is possible. Camera. Time to say hello and goodbye to your baby.

I'm sure someone on the miscarriage/ bereavement thread could give more help. I know if it was me I'd just want something to prove to me that my baby had been real.

Also something else you need is time to grieve.

I hope you find peace and strength in this difficult situation. X

Bluetinkerbell Mon 28-Nov-11 21:58:18

Dear Bartlet so sorry you have to go through this!
I gave birth to my little girl at 20 weeks 4 days back in June. At my 20 week scan they discovered she had died. Postmortem revealed she had a chromosomal disorder which was incompatible with life.

I took comfy clothes, book, cd's to listen to whilst in labour.
Dh and I stayed in the Willow suite, which is the bereavement room. We were supplied with tea/coffee/hot chocolate.

We also took a camera to take pictures.

The hospital couldn't do hand/footprints, as DD only measured 16 weeks and had died for a while already and was too fragile.
Keep that in mind that it might not be possible, so you're not disappointed.

I wish you all the strength in this difficult situation!
If there is anything you would like to know, please do ask, I'm happy to help!

Iheartmolly Tue 29-Nov-11 16:00:24

So sorry you are having to go through this terrible situation.

I myself have sadly gone through it 3 times. We were very fortunate to be given a room especially for bereaved parents.

It had a tv and a cd player-I wish I had known this before hand as the selection of music they had wasnt to my taste.

I also had my own bathroom and bath so was able to take a bath afterwards and that was a small relief.

I would second what other posters have suggested-a couple of nightdresses/pjs/few pairs of pants/sanitary products/face wipes etc. A book,magazines or ipod-of course you may find you arent able to concentrate on anything else but just in case.

Some snacks in case you get peckish-a big bottle of water as I find hospitals very dehydrating.

I would def say you should take your own camera. The hosp were lovely but the pics they took were very poor quality and this is something I have always regretted.

Is your dh able to stay with you over night? If so then I would say take a couple of extra blankets and a good pillow as I always find hospitals are either too cold or too hot.

I hope it goes as well as it can for you.

BartletForAmerica Tue 29-Nov-11 16:04:52

Thank you so much for your kind replies and advice. It's all a bit strange at the moment. I am able to forget for a while that it is all real, and then it hits us again.

OP’s posts: |
LauraShigihara Tue 29-Nov-11 16:09:25

I can't think of anything to add to the suggestions that you have been given but I wanted to say that my last boy was stillborn at twenty weeks and that my heart goes out to you xxx

Oh,I can add face wipes and hairbrush smile

Northey Tue 29-Nov-11 16:10:59

bartlet, I never got to pack a bag for my pregnancy loss (I was in the hospital already) so I have nothing really helpful to suggest. Things I wanted though - phone charger and snacky things and toothbrush.

Mostly I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was that this was happening to you. Will the hospital let you wait indefinitely for things to take their course, or will there come a point where they start pressing you to let them intervene?

BartletForAmerica Tue 29-Nov-11 16:32:28

Thank you. We have made it clear (and have felt under no pressure to do otherwise) that termination is not an option for us. We believe this child has been given to us by God and that is for as long or as short as he chooses that to be. The baby is likely to die sooner rather than later, but (as long as my health is not at risk) we will just continue to get fortnightly scans until the inevitable happens.

OP’s posts: |
Bluetinkerbell Tue 29-Nov-11 16:39:13

Bartlet you are very brave and I just wanted you to know that I would have done the same if I would have had the chance to do it with my DD2. God was kind on us and made the decision before we had to do it smile
I wish you much strength and love and carry your baby with pride!
If you don't mind me asking what is that they have said your baby won't survive? If you don't want to share... that's fine!

BartletForAmerica Tue 29-Nov-11 17:32:31

That's okay. Thank you for your encouragement. I'm not brave though, just plodding on and pretending it isn't real most of the time! If I did really think about it all the time, I'd be sobbing!

The baby has an NT of 11.6mm and has developed hydrops. This is most likely due to (the consultant thinks, we haven't had invasive testing so won't know properly until afterwards) Down's or Turner's. Less likely possibilities are Edward's and viral infections. The hydrops will be fatal and most likely before I reach 20 weeks.

OP’s posts: |
Bluetinkerbell Thu 01-Dec-11 20:03:40

how are you doing today? thinking of you!

Moominsarescary Fri 02-Dec-11 01:49:47

Hi just wanted to say I'm sorry this is happening to you. I lost my son at 20 weeks in September I rushed to the hospital with nothing but the hospital were great and supplied toiletrys and things for me. I was in a room that had a kitchen and the staff supplied drinks and food ( tea, coffee, bread) but I suppose it depends where you are. We also decided not to induce

I'd say comfy clothes, lots of maternity pads, toiletries, camera if you want to take pictures. I went back to the hospital the next day with soft toys and a shawl for the baby.

If there is anything else you would like to ask, anything at all don't hesitate x

AugustMoon Sat 03-Dec-11 22:42:34

For you, some biscuits, spare knickers, pads, wipes, hairband if you have long hair, something to drink, some music.
For your baby - a hat, a nappy, some clothes - vest and babygrow or little outfit, a shawl and a soft toy. I'm so sorry. I hope you have plenty if support.

Moominsarescary Sat 03-Dec-11 23:45:09

If you will be attending appointments for monitoring and feel up to it maybe you could ask to be shown around the room that you will be in, I spent nearly a week in the room where we knew Jacob would be born before going home for a few days and then going back in. Alot of hospitals have a separate room for baby's that are born to early and it may help you to know where you will be before it happens.

When Jacob was born at 20 weeks he was just under 11inch and weighed around 9oz, there are website that cater for baby clothes this size and smaller, they also have miniture teddys that are from 6 inches tall,and blankets.

We bought two of everything so we could keep a duplicate in Jacobs memory box xx

Moominsarescary Sun 04-Dec-11 00:00:35

Sorry, the bears are from 3 inchs x

warriorwoman Sun 04-Dec-11 19:00:42

I wanted to say that I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. I had a full-term stillbirth 15 years ago and I still think about her every day. I can't add anything more to the list as I can't think of anything. I did take lots of pictures. My daughter stayed with me all night in the hospital room and I cherish that time we spent together. I didn't allow them to do a post mortem because I couldn't face that, but in hindsight it might have helped to know if there was something wrong, I have been left not knowing. If I could turn back the clock I would have arranged to take her home and then to the funeral directors myself, instead of leaving her in the hospital, but things might have changed now and they may do things differently.

I send you lots of love. xx

BartletForAmerica Mon 05-Dec-11 18:36:42

Thanks very much for the kind words and the advice.

We had a scan last week and the baby is doing much worse, so we expect her heart to have stopped by the time we are scanned this week. I think I might get in touch with the bereavement midwife to check about what is supplied tomorrow in case we need to order anything.

I've found a website that sells 1 inch bears so might go for that as she'll be pretty tiny. (baby-burial-gowns.co.uk/category_7/Memory-Box-Tiny-Teddy-Bears.htm if anybody needs to point someone in the right direction in the future/)

OP’s posts: |
Bluetinkerbell Mon 05-Dec-11 18:49:12

oh Bartlet praying for you and your little one!

SauvignonBlanche Mon 05-Dec-11 18:55:55

Very sorry to hear that Bartlet.
I was induced following an intrauterine death as 22 weeks.
The best thing I packed was some chocolate, the one thing I didn't realise I'd need was breast pads.
I see you have already have a DS, as I did, and as I'd already breastfed for over a year my milk came in with a vengance and sadly nobody had warned me, so be prepared for that.
Thinking of you - God Bless x

Bluetinkerbell Mon 05-Dec-11 19:05:38

sauvignon so sorry! It's sad the hospital didn't prepare you for that! I was given a pill to stop the milk coming in! which was very good!

SauvignonBlanche Mon 05-Dec-11 19:18:47

Don't get me wrong, I was treated extremely well, with great care and sensitivity, as I'm sure you will be Bartlet, that was the only ommision.
The GP didn't want to prescribe anything as there was an increased risk of DVT but said she would if I couldn't bear it.
In some ways it made giving birth more 'real' but I just wished I'd known it was going to happen, I wke up leaking.

BartletForAmerica Mon 05-Dec-11 21:17:47

That's really helpful to know, sauvignon. Thank you for coming to share your experience, although I am sorry that you did have that experience.

I have just (in the last week) stopped feeding DS so thank you for warning me. I can see why that might happen.

OP’s posts: |
Moominsarescary Mon 05-Dec-11 21:44:00

I knew in the back of my mind that my milk would come in but it was still a real shock when it happened, will be thinking of you and your family Bartlett
I didn't know there was a bereavement mw, people talk about them on here all the time but I was never told

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