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Step Sister lost her beautiful baby girl at 38wks, don't know what to say

(4 Posts)
beepbeep Tue 11-Oct-11 06:20:20

My gorgeous little step sister went into labour last friday morning but on getting to the hospital was told there was no heartbeat. She then gave birth to her vaginally and I just don't know what to say that will help in any way. I am lucky enough to have 3 DCs and I just cannot even begin to think of her pain.

She is only 24, and already has a 2 year old little boy, she lives over 200 miles away from me and has said that she doesn't want to see/speak to anyone for the moment - totally understand. She is now back at home with her partner and little boy, I just can't imagine what it must have been like for her returning to her house that was already for her new arrival.

She lost her Mum to cancer when she was 4 years old and then her Dad when she 9, at the beginning of this pregnancy a cyst was found on one of her ovaries and they decided to remove the ovary whilst she was pregnant because of the cancer history. She has been through so much, why this now? It seems so unfair.

I want to write to her so she knows I'm thinking of her but have been trying to think of what to say all weekend. Any ideas of a verse or something similar that would be meaningful in this situation My mum is going to stay with her brother (close by) next weekend and I thought of sending a small gift with her, but again, I'm not sure what is appropriate. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

RECENTLYFOUNDOUT Tue 11-Oct-11 06:44:40

How dreadful for all of you, and as you acknowledge in particular the mother. I have been fortunate enough not to lose a child this way, but have lost an 11 yo to cancer. So many of her hopes and dreams for this child have been shattered in such a cruel way, and what should have been such a happy and joyful time has become a time of deep sorrow. I have many lovely poems at home (am currently at work) that I could post or pm you later - some of the card shops also have lovely poems/words on cards and vinyl sheets too (sorry for completely rubbish description) that some people keep or put on graves and a memory box will be lovely to keep treasured things in. A book that I found helpful was 'When bad things happen to good people' but I think the things with literature is it only is helpful when you are in the right 'place' to read it in terms of the stage of grief that you are in.

I feel so sorry for you all, but by letting your sister know that you are waiting patiently there for when she needs you you, will be doing all you can for her.

I hope that in time she goes on to have another healthy child as well (Disclaimer: please don't for one minute think I am suggesting that this will make things ok or be a replacement) and can once again experience the joy that she should have had this time around.

Lots of love to you all xxx

CarouselLover Tue 11-Oct-11 18:22:27

I'm so sorry for all of you! That's so sad sad

When I lost my little girl my sister wrote this in a letter (I don't think it's her own creation) and although it makes me cry every time I read, it somehow is a comfort:

The world may never notice 
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder 
If the petals fall too soon.

But every life that ever forms, 
Or ever comes to be, 
Touches the world in some small way 
For all eternity.

The little one we longed for 
Was swiftly here and gone. 
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.

And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do. 
For every beating of our hearts 
Says that we love you.


beepbeep Tue 11-Oct-11 18:43:02

Thank you so much, I have ordered the book RECENTLY and shall let her know about SANDS (tho I suspect the hospital may have done this). That verse is lovely CAROUSEL, I may well pinch that!

I really appreciate your help x

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