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No other woman should have to go through this!

(10 Posts)
Pebofit Mon 10-Oct-11 16:02:02

After hearing the news and listening to Jeremy Vine earlier today, I feel now is the time to tell my story in the hope that someone will read it and perhaps make some changes to the way miscarriages are handled. No other woman should ever have to experience what my husband and I went through!

After 2 long years of trying, I fell pregnant. Both my husband and I have just turned 40 and worried this day would never come, but to see the line appear on the pregnancy test was the best day ever (and the 6 subsequent days of tests as well smile)!

Unfortunately at 8 weeks I started to bleed heavily and was convinced that I'd lost the baby and was sent straight to the Maternity Unit for a scan, which showed our baby and a strong beating heart. After three weeks, the bleeding seemed to subside, but another 2 weeks later it started again and I was told to take it easy.

At 16 weeks we had in total 4 scans, all of which showed a healthy baby with a very strong heartbeat, plus 2 additional checks on the heartbeat, one of which was the morning I lost my baby.

But on August 19th, whilst having dinner my waters broke and this is where the nightmare began.......My husband called for an ambulance and I was taken straight to A&E, I knew I was losing my baby and it was the most horrendous day of my life. They put me in a room and asked me to stand whilst I "gave birth" then once I had passed the baby they literally left us alone in the room, forcing me to hold a basin to catch the after birth. Not one doctor or nurse was with us, my husband ran outside to scream for help and forced a nurse to assist us. I can't begin to tell you how horrific this was, I felt absolute repulsion at what I was forced to hold & at the thought of my husband having to see me like this & to witness was coming from my body in this shocking manner.

I was then placed on the bed, covered in blood and the nurse came back with a carrier bag containing a box (my husband and I looked at each other, but neither one of us dared say out loud what we thought might be in it). My husband went to find the sister to ask what was in the box, to which our fears were confirmed. Surely they didn't need to torment us like this by placing it next to me? By all accounts they were waiting for someone to come from the crematorium to remove the baby, but seemed unable to locate them. Over an hour later, I was still waiting to see a gynaecologist and still waiting for the box to be removed!

Finally I was placed on a ward, luckily in a room on my own, but my husband was dismissed straight away. He was the one I wanted to be with more than anything in the world, the only other person who knew how incredibly devastated I was. He needed me too and to have us spend the night apart just seemed so cruel. Surely there should be a room for couples grieving in this way, or at least allow us some time together before showing him the door?

Two days later I had to return to the hospital for a scan and was told to report back to the Early Pregnancy Unit. The mere thought of having to step back into the hospital so soon made me an emotional wreck, but forcing us to go back to where we had been for all the scans & to surround us with expectant parents was just downright insensitive.

We reported to reception and was told to sit in the waiting room ? with other parents who were giggling in excitement at the thought of seeing their baby, whereas we had just lost ours. I couldn?t do it, I was hysterical. Luckily one of the midwives saw us in the corridor and ushered us to another room. I was told after the scan I would have to come back again a week later. No! I can?t go through this again, I want my nightmare to be over. And the following week there we were in the waiting room with other couples, they were running behind schedule and tortured us for 40 minutes before taking us for the scan, then asking us to return to the waiting room to hear the results. Why would anyone allow this to happen? One lady opposite could see I was distressed, but still continued to plan her baby shower. Have we not gone through enough, surely we don?t need to suffer any more than necessary?

The pain of losing our baby has been magnified by the sequence of events that happened on that dreadful night and since. Someone needs to address these issues and it needs to be now! I never in a million years thought that in the UK and within our trusted medical system that people would be treated so heartlessly!

Moominsarescary Mon 10-Oct-11 16:36:04

I'm so sorry for your loss and the awful treatment you received at the time and since .

I recently lost a baby at 20 weeks, I could feel the sack bulging through my cervix so knew I was dilating , I was in hospital for an hour before someone came to give me an internal. They then moved us to another room and it was nearly 5 hours before someone came to tell us what was happening.

However my treatment after those first 5 hours was fantastic, we were given our own room off the labour ward and dp stayed with me the whole time, it was nearly 2 weeks later that our son was born and the mw and my consultant were fantastic. They discharged me 6 hours after I gave birth as a just wanted to go home.

However I have heard stories similar to yours and have heard that before 18 weeks many women are left in rooms on their own in maternity wards to give birth without a mw

It needs to change, it just causes unnesasary pain to women who are allready suffering.

Mama5isalive Mon 10-Oct-11 22:52:03

im here with tears rolling down my cheeks as i choke back my cries! myself and my dh had to endure sitting in a epu 1day after being told our baby has died no heartbeat! i also had to return 2 days later for an op to remove my baby from my womb< my dh had to leave me whilst this happened so no support>
as i waited for my op < hours before had to insert 2 pessaries to soften my cervix> i went toilet to find myself passes bits of my baby in the toilet pan, and as i pulled the alarm and a nurse assisted me blood running down my legs! i was told not to worry and go back to my bed! a few mins later a huge pull happened and i felt something between my legs too scared too look i again pulled for a nurse and as she pulled back the covers her face said it all i passed my baby! im 100% sure she got a bed pan and called for so help from another nurse as they placed my bay in the pan and covered it for a doctor to look at afterwards!!!! i still had to endure the op for i still had some " product" left inside me!!!! the worse week of my whole life! I will never step foot in that hospital ever again! if i ever get pregnant again i will travel to another hospital for a much better treatment! awful experience it was like a third world!!!!!
no regards to your feelings at all!

MaryMotherOfCheeses Wed 12-Oct-11 23:13:08

I'm so sorry for your loss, it does all sound very badly handled.


silverangel Thu 13-Oct-11 15:35:31

I had a mmc back in November. I am very lucky and now have ten week old twins but I still look in on these boards occassionaly.

I think the way miscarriages are handled is apalling. I had some bleeding and cramping at 11 weeks so I knew all wasn't right. Went to EPU where it was confirmed no heartbeat. Then had so sit in the waiting room with all the other people, no space to discuss options with DH, we waited for the doctor for a couple of hours and she then told me I would have to wait 10 days for the ERPC but I could pop into A&E for morphine if the pain got too bad. Thankfully I have private insurance and was able to be seen privatley and had ERPC the next morning. I can think of nothing worse than waiting for 10 days knowing hte baby had died and the threat of the bleeding getting worse or progressing to miscarry naturally, which I really didnt want.

Pebofit, I am so sorry for the way your situation was handled. I have also heard many stories like it and all it does is compoound an already terrible situation.

eaglewings Thu 13-Oct-11 15:43:55

Pebofit, so so sorry you had to go through all this on top of losing your precious baby. Have you written to the hospital? If not, look up PALS for the hospital.

I have just phoned mine as I found out over 7 weeks ago that my baby had died. I still have some retained products after a ERCP 3 and a half weeks ago. In my case staff are lovely but it's been waiting to see specialist gyne doc that's holding things up.

Please don't let your experience go unnoticed by the hospital, use local paper etc if necessary

And don't blame yourself


MmeLindor. Thu 13-Oct-11 16:26:09

I am so sorry, Pebofit, that you lost your baby and that the medical staff did not give you the care you needed. And I am also sorry if the campaign that MN have started has caused you pain as you relive this nightmare.

Were you given any information about the Miscarriage Association? They have a helpline that you can call.

Or post here on MN, there is a lot of support to be found here.

pink4ever Thu 13-Oct-11 20:25:16

That is one of the most appalling things I have ever heard-I am so sorry you and your dh were treated so appallingly. I would definately complain. Put it in writing to the hospital,also a copy to your gp and I would also write to your local mp. Do not let them get away with this.

I realise after reading some of the horror stories on here how lucky I have been with the treatment I had on the nhs. My consultant,all his staff and all the midwives I had were lovely and couldnt have been more supportive.

All the best.

jayley Fri 14-Oct-11 22:41:04

I am so sorry to hear about the trauma you and your partner have been though. After losing our baby at 10 weeks, we were put into the waiting room with other expecting mothers so i know exactly how horrifying that is.

Nobody should ever have to go through this. It's a shame it has to take something like this to happen for it to be highlighted.

I hope both you and your husband find your peace with the situation and are not put off trying again.

ChocolatePud Fri 14-Oct-11 23:21:58

It's shocking the way mc's are dealt with. I had a mmc at 8-9 weeks last March. I'd gone for an early scan at 9 weeks having had previous early mc's - wanted the comfort of knowing if it was ok or not ASAP.

Anyway, the US woman took ages looking, and just said "I can't see a heartbeat but I'll do an internal scan if you like". Internal obv didn't magic up a hb.

She told me it measured 8.2 and then basically proceeded to tell me off for not being certain of the date of my last af as I should've been bang on 9 weeks that day. I was just numb and couldn't talk, poor dh was upset and just wanted to get me out of the scanning room, thinking what the hell does it matter what exact stage it's at, it's gone! The fact that it went 5 days ago is neither here nor there.

We were then taken to see the gynae, who was with another patient, so we were left on a couple of seats in the corridor to wait for her. The corridor. With people walking past, staring. To say dh was livid is an understatement.

I was so detached by that point I have no clear memory though I know I sobbed non stop for however long we waited.

Awful though that experience was, I realise it is nothing compared to many of the other experiences set out here. We did get a chance to report the way we'd been treated direct to the head of the maternity dept of our local nhs trust though, who I'm now seeing privately having identified the problem. He obviously knew who we were referring to and I hope she has been dealt with appropriately, training in empathy would be a good start!

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