mmc.... 1 year later

[wannabeamummy]

Hi ladies first of all im sorry for all your losses ((((0))))

Heres my story, ttc for 3 years when finally august 2010 we did it! :) We was so happy and very naive to think something bad wouldnt happen to us.. First 6 weeks everything was perfect, then 6 weeks 1 day had a heavy bleed so went to a and e as it was a friday night and got told i was miscarrying and to take pain killers if the pain got to much, also told to contact midwife monday morning..Monday came when i spoke to midwife she sent me straight for a scan where to our surprise our baby was there with a healthy heartbeat! 5 days later and still spotting i went for another scan and baby was fine and growing ok. After that nothing at all so when i went for my 12 week scan i was laughing and joking before we went in for the scan only to find out my babys heart had stopped beating at 8 weeks and 5 days :( i chose to have the d&c the very next day but not before requesting another scan to double check our baby had died :( Nothing can ever prepare you for the loss of your baby and i vowed not to even ttc again as the emotional pain was sometimes to hard to handle.
Now a year later i have come to terms with the loss of our baby and realised it was through no fault of my own that my baby had died. I am currently in the process again of ttc even though i said i never would, i will never forget my angel baby and on the 15th october every year i will light a candle and leave it burning for 1 hour next to our scan photos because i loved and still love our angel we never got to meet. I made a video of all we had bought for the baby including clothes, teddies, my pregnancy diary and his/her scan pics, i would love for you all to see it but im unsure how i would go about posting it..


Anyway i wrote this to basically say it dont feel like it now but it does get easier and its sites like mumsnet that help us through our tough times :) xxxxx

I just wanted to write this

[topsmart]

Thanks for sharing wannabe. I'm so sorry for your loss, I've been through similar and it is completely heartbreaking. It really helps writing it down on here doesn't it.
Am wishing you good luck with this pregnancy and really hope it all goes well x

[sooz3101]

So sorry for your loss,I too had a mmc 10 days ago,and have been for a scan today to make sure everything had passed,which it has...even though Ive known for over a week that the baby had gone,it makes it all final when they say that the uterus is empty.

Anyway Im so glad I saw your post and Im trying to think positively,I know there are a lot of people worse off than me,wishing you and everyone else going through this lots of love and luck in the future x

[Mama5isalive]

Very sad when you loss a baby you so wanted! word cant express the raw feelings of loss, grief, sadness, anger and hollow feeling! looking at your stomach and knowing it wont grow anymore!
never felt so much for me to get pregnant again since my loss nearly 5 months ago now!
Thanks - wannabeamummy for sharing and i do pray that all our journeys will finish with us holding babies in our arms! never forgetting what could of been xxxxx

[clairemac78]

lost my 2nd child a year ago and still not quite able to deal with it properly, after having a very healthy little girl who is now 6 and a half and is always asking where her baby sister/brother is, that bit is the hardest and breaks my heart on a daily basis. i am still in therapy and will be for a while it took us so long to become pregnant with our 2nd(6 years) I feel devastated every day, but we will keep trying and hoping and praying