Talk

Advanced search

Miscarriage does it get easier?

(6 Posts)
beeprepared Fri 07-Oct-11 21:50:59

Weird question but I've had a mmc, an ectopic and this week another ERPC for a mmc. This time I am not crying all the time and feel like a bit of a fraud for being off work. I feel like i could probably go back to work but I'm worried about a delayed reaction.
I know miscarriage etc is awful but do you think it gets easier after several because you protect yourself from being as attached?

LIG1979 Sat 08-Oct-11 07:47:01

So sorry about your losses. Are you eligible for testing now?

I had a mmc in april and a chemical in august so nothing like you went through. But with the mmc it was terrible - it was such a shock, the next few years of my life plans were ruined and from a medical view everything was new and scary. With the chemical, I got a bfp and I did not even think about due dates, 12 week scan etc, and more wondered how long it will last - when the tests didn't go darker and then I got an AF I was a little upset but glad it happened so quickly. I imagine next time I get pg it will be a long time before I associate a bfp with a baby.

I really hope now testing finds an easy to solve problem and that your next pregnancy is a good one!

BloodandScumatron Sat 08-Oct-11 08:03:50

I don't think easier is the right word.

Personally, I felt less emotionally invested in each pg (and subsequent mc) there was never any excitement or planning for an actual baby.

My tears were replaced by a lot of anger.

As lig said above, I wouldn't associate a bfp with a baby anymore sad

Are you having tests? It can be a long and emotionally draining experience but I found it gave me something to focus on while ttc.

freelancegirl Sun 09-Oct-11 19:24:05

Hi Bee so sorry you are going through this again. I've had two mcs this year (after two a long time ago - no children as yet) and although the first this year was a shock and I just felt so awful (like LIG says above) the second one was somewhat more manageable emotionally as I was prepared for it. I was prepared for it in two ways - firstly I had had early scans and it was clearly nothing was growing. I got to 8 weeks with a 5-6 week sac before I had an ERPC. The previous one was a lot more painful physically and emotionally because of the shock and also a very painful, natural miscarriage.

I felt exactly the same as you though. A bit numb after the second one. Yes there were tears but in a way I do feel it was more manageable. That said I had had time to mentally prepare for it going wrong this time due to their being no growth. I was waiting for it to bite me in the ass at a later date and cause me to lose the plot but 7-8 weeks later and I am still feeling ok. Sad of course, when I think about it, and frustrated that I seem to be having recurrent mcs, but not mourning for the loss as much as I was the last time. So I guess the answer from me is yes it is better this time and I think part of that is self preservation. It's still pretty shit though! But don't beat yourself up for not feeling as bad as the first couple of times. I do hope it works out for you xx

Moominsarescary Sun 09-Oct-11 23:17:07

My first mc was 9 years ago at 8 weeks , 7 years after ds 1 was born, ds2 was born a year later. My 2 nd was last June and I got pregnant 2 months later with ds 3, its difficult to explain but it's like I try not to think to much about being pregnant till the 12 week scan so in some ways I'd say I have a bit of expectancy that something might go wrong in the early weeks.

I think this is natural and in no way means that you feel less for the babies you loose but more of a coping mechanism for yourself if that makes sense?

I'm sorry for your losses I've just lost my 4 th ds at 20 weeks and have found talking about it on here and finding people who have been through the same thing is realy helping me x x

freelancegirl Sun 09-Oct-11 23:37:06

Moomins were we on the Pregnancy post MC thread together? I am so, so sorry to hear about your late loss. Do they know how it happened? I hope you have lots of RL support and support on here too. I can't imagine how awful that must have been for you.

But yes Bee, Moomins is right I think about trying not to think about being pregant. I have never got further than 12 weeks but next time I think I will be trying to do the same thing - remain curiously as detached as possible. It's not easy though sometimes.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now